The Gala

Last night was the FSU Med School Gala.  I remember when we first we exploring going to FSU and found out about the gala.  I was kind of surprised.  Why in the world would a group like this have a glorified prom?  I guess it is pretty common for college groups to have end of the year formals.  We always had them at the Baptist Student Ministries groups I was a part of.  (Of course, I thought those were strange too.)  So, we had a year to think about - and worry about - the gala.

I will preface this by saying that I DETEST formal gatherings like this.  I hated prom.  I hated the formals I went to.  I hate them.  I think the entire concept of a formal guarantees that you will be uncomfortable unless alcohol is entered into the equation.  Think about it.  You wear the most uncomfortable outfit that you can find.  Guys have to wear suits or tuxedos.  Both of these are created to make a man feel awful.  They are hot.  The neck is tight and constricting.  They are scratchy.  Girls have it even worse.  They have to cram themselves into the tightest dress imaginable.  Most of them are on the verge of showing all kinds of things that shouldn't see the light of day.  And then they have to sit in them and eat - and then dance.

I loathe these things.  (Don't worry - Heather isn't a fan either.)  The strange thing is that if you put me up front at one of these things - to speak or preach or emcee - I'm perfectly fine.  Sure, I'm nervous.  But, I am less nervous up in front than sitting at the table.  If I'm not one of the leader people, I just want to melt into the background.  I want to sit with my friends and talk.  But that doesn't work too well.  These events are always loud - especially come dancing time.  So it is pretty hard to talk or hang out.  Plus there are all those people who keep coming up and asking why you aren't dancing.

This is where my size has always caused an issue.  First of all, I have not looked good in a monkey suit for a looooong time.  The last time I remember feeling good in a suit was back in high school when I was in chorus and we wore tuxes all the time.  I felt okay then.  But I have felt awkward ever since then.  I have strange measurements.  I have a very long torso and average to short legs.  My inseam is only 31" - very short for a 6'3" guy.  With my enormous gut, my torso became even longer - to get over my stomach.  I have broad shoulders and longer arms than what normally comes with my shirt size.  So most of my suits have to be a higher chest size than I need to fit around my stomach.  So they billow out around my chest and barely button.  The arms are either too short or way to long.  The pants bunch up around my shoes.  Or I have to wear suspenders to keep my pants up - which than yanks the pants up into my crotch.  So I hate suits.

Second, I hate dancing.  There is no gracefulness in my body.  I lumber.  It isn't easy to get this bulk to move, let along move in a dancing fashion.  I often tell people that I look like a shaved bear.  There is a reason that dancing bears used to be in the circus.  They are crazy looking.  And I just don't look good dancing.  Neither do I.  It's the same reason that we never saw Wookies have a formal.  And if for some reason I do end up dancing, my partner is almost always much smaller than me.  So it highlights my enormousness.

All of that was just swirling around my head in preparing for this gala.  Last year when found out about the gala.  I really just was dreading it.  But I knew that it was important to Heather.  And, as I told someone last night, I hate these events - but I love my wife more than I hate formals.  I wanted to look my best for her.  When I started this food/weight battle, I laid out some goals for myself.  One of them was that I wanted to be under 300 pounds for the gala.  I knew that was ambitious.  I would have to lose 55 pounds in twelve weeks.  I told my friend Charles this - and he kept encouraging me to aim for it.  As the weight started falling off, it became pretty clear I could reach the goal.  And it was obvious I would need some kind of wardrobe adjustments.  I had one suit, but the last time I wore it the buttons couldn't even button - and I had gained weight from that point.  All my ties were in storage.  And my dress shirts were rapidly becoming clownishly large on me.  Shoot, I didn't even have shoes to go with the suit.

So Charles helped me out - because he's awesome like that.  Many years ago, Charles sold high end suits - so he is an expert at sizing.  He measured my old suit and marked exactly what needed altered - bringing in the jacket, hemming the pants, tightening up the waist.  Then he took me to the store and got me a shirt that actually fit, a tie, a belt, and some new shoes.  I didn't actually have the whole outfit in my hands - altered, cleaned, and ready - until Thursday.  I was very nervous.  But, when I finally put the clothes on, I almost cried.

It had been eighteen years since I had a suit that actually fit right.  It didn't poof open in the chest.  The pants didn't droop down.  I didn't even need suspenders.  But, more importantly, I actually felt great.  I looked really good and knew it.  Sure, there is a lot to do until I'm done.  And it will be neat to get a suit at the end of this process.  But, I wasn't embarrassed to go to the event.  I actually felt super and confident.  The suit buttoned perfectly, but I didn't have to button it.  I wasn't trying to disguise myself or camouflage my weight. I felt like I could hold my own.

Of course, part of it also was that I had an absolutely gorgeous woman with me.  Heather looked incredible in her dress.  And it was nice to be able to actually go out to an adult gathering with her.  She has been so supportive of me and my efforts.  (In addition to being so patient for the first nine and a half years of our marriage when I didn't give a crap about my weight.)  And last night, when we were hanging out with her classmates, she kept on bragging about my weight loss.  I understand that feeling, because I wanted to brag about her.  I'm very proud of her.  Med school is hard.  Med school with three kids?  Yeah.  Absolutely wild.  She is an amazing woman.  And I was thrilled to be able to sit - and dance - with her last night.  I was also glad that I was able to do it sitting tall and unashamed.  (What's even more amazing is how things will look NEXT year at the gala.)