Coffee

One food that is a bit of an unclear area to me is coffee.  I know some people are major big time coffee addicts.  You know the type.  "Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee!"  I am NOT this time of person.  I have never drank very much coffee.  It never was a part of my daily life.  This may seem odd, since I usually gravitate towards addictive and destructive foods.  But, for some reason, I never really got that attached to coffee.  My dad drank it every morning and during the evenings.  But I never did.

The really strange thing is that I love the flavor of coffee.  I adore the smell of coffee.  From when I was a little kid, one of my favorite ice cream types was coffee.  Breyer's coffee ice cream was the epitome of ice cream perfection.  I got waylaid by Ben & Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar Crunch for a while, but eventually went back to Breyer's.  (Until Publix introduced their Barnie's coffee - which was just as good as Breyer's and much less money.)  My mom used to make me coffee chocolate chip cookies.  I ate chocolate covered coffee beans.  I got jamocha shakes at Arby's.  I like mocha truffles.  If you got me something coffee flavored, there was a very good chance that I would like it.

So my lack of addiction to coffee itself is a bit of mystery.  I have tried to figure this out over the years.  I know that I don't like the bitterness that comes with coffee.  I like the flavor, but the bitterness pushed me away.  The only way I could get rid of it was to load it full of milk and sugar.  And that could be why I like coffee flavored things so much - they used the essence of coffee but loaded it with sugar and cream and chocolate.  As I got older and discovered other kinds of coffee, I liked some of them.  Things like cappuccinos, lattes, and mochas were very good - largely due to their cream/sugar content.  But, since I hadn't developed the coffee habit early on, I didn't adopt it later.

Another big problem is the fact that I live in Florida.  It is freaking hot here.  All. The. Time.  I don't find it very pleasant to be sitting in 95 degree heat, suffering through 95% humidity, and then pour boiling hot coffee down my throat.  During the milder winter months, it is a pleasant thing.  I love being out in the evening in December with a hot chocolate or coffee drink.  But, we are talking about a very small percent of the time that this can be pulled off.  It is a niche product.

So, when it comes to my current weight efforts, coffee was a non-player.  Soda?  Oh hecks yeah.  That was a big deal.  But coffee didn't even come into play.  I had to give up coffee ice cream, but can usually find coffee frozen yogurt somewhere if the urge strikes me.

So, why even bother with this post?  Well, it is actually because I have been wondering about adding coffee to my life.  Here's my conflicting thoughts on that idea.  First of all, when I gave up soda, I lost caffeine.  I don't have any caffeine any more.  That is good, I feel.  There is not really a good reason to try to add caffeine into my life now that I have kicked it.  So that has kept me from drinking coffee.  BUT, at the same time, with Gabers going to preschool now, we have to leave earlier and there are times when I am just dead tired.  It would be nice to have a caffeine option on those bad days.  I don't want to get into caffeine hardcore again, because I don't think it is good to do that.  BUT, Heather has said there are no studies that show a little caffeine is bad.  A responsible level of coffee consumption is not harmful.

Second, one of the flavors of the season I love is pumpkin.  Starbucks' pumpkin spice drinks are awesome.  I usually would get the pumpkin cream frappuccino, but those are just glorified milkshakes.  I have tried to stay away from the pumpkin flavored stuff since they usually come packaged in pastries or sugar laden drinks.  BUT, there are some ways to get that flavor profile in a (relatively) harmless manner.  Is that wrong?

The other day, we were driving back from Orlando.  Well, I was driving.  The kids were in the back doing their thing and Heather was studying/napping in the front seat.  I was exhausted from the weekend - driving, sick kids, 2am breathing treatments.  So we stopped at a gas station in Gainesville and I decided to get a coffee.  They had pumpkin spice cappuccinos - so I got one.  It had the steamed milk in it, and I added three splenda.  The smell was heavenly.  And it tasted great - plus it had a little jolt to help me driving the rest of the way.  I had wrestled with my decision to get the drink for literally an hour and a half.  I felt guilty buying it.  For some reason, I just kept thinking I was doing something wrong.  But I analyzed what I actually had in the cup.  It was coffee, some flavoring, milk, and fake sugar.  Where exactly is the problem?  I didn't put whipped cream or caramel or sugar in it.

On Friday, we had a full roster of school activities for all three kids.  But there were gaps between our events.  We had a half hour in between dropping the kids off and Gabe's parade starting.  So we went to Starbucks.  I got a pumpkin spice latte.  I put three splenda in it - although they did unknowingly put whipped cream on it.  It was, again, really good.  I finally came to the place where I decided I wasn't going to feel guilty about drinking it.  It isn't something that I am going to drink all the time.  But it is something that I will drink occasionally, when the opportunity arises.  As the weather gets cooler here, it will be nice to be able to have that drink.  Plus, it gives me a chance to have the flavors of the winter that I really like - pumpkin, peppermint - without eating stuff I shouldn't have.  Now THAT'S a backwards concept for you.  A 36 year old man starting a coffee habit to get healthier.  Ha!

WEEK FORTY: Old Friend, New Sacrifices

Here's the basics.  After forty weeks, I weight 262.  That's a loss of 93 pounds so far.  I am pretty solid as a 38" waist.  My 42s that I bought early on are starting to fall down pretty bad unless they are cinched up with the belt.  When I lost the first chunk of weight at the beginning, I bought a belt at Target.  It has holes all the way around the belt.  My thought was that I would be able to keep this belt through the whole process - as a way to monitor progress and a way to save money.  I started on hole 1 when I bought the belt (this was after going through several holes on my previous belt).  This week I actually buckled the new belt on hole 9.  That would be where I was wearing it if I weren't tucking in my shirt and containing extra fabric on my loose pants.

I haven't been posting much, as I've said the last few months.  There just hasn't been a ton to report.  Things are moving along.  The weight is coming off much slower - only three pounds in the past four weeks.  I really need to start working out to get it going again.  But the thought of that is not too pleasant.  Part of it is that I hate exercise.  Part of it is that my rheumatoid arthritis is getting to be very painful.  Walking is not my friend most of the time.  I am supposed to be starting on some medicine soon for the RA.  Hopefully that will make things easier for me physically.

The doctor's visit I mentioned in my last monthly update finally yielded my blood test results.  Everything looked good - except for the raging rheumatoid factor.  Years ago when I first was diagnosed with RA, one of the things that threw off my treatment was that I had an elevated ALT liver enzyme.  It was "mildly" inflated, but enough that doctors were worried that I had liver damage already - and that the RA treatments would further hurt it.  The liver enzyme could also have been attributed to damage, alcohol (never had any, so that wasn't it), or fatty liver.  The fatty liver could have been genetic or due to obesity.  Turns out that it must have been the obesity.  The number is now 21 - it's dropped like 40 points.  So that allows me to start milder treatments.  Yay!

Last weekend we went down to Orlando.  I had some meetings on Friday and the kids were out of school, so we all went down for the weekend.  It was good to see our old friends down there and hang out with them.  (The kids getting sick wasn't so great.)  Several of these people hadn't seen me since we moved, so the weight loss was pretty startling to them.  So often, I am just doing my thing that I forget just how much has been accomplished.  I don't see the change much because it was so gradual.  I'll see it if I look at old pictures.  But I don't think about it every day.  When you are around people like that, though, it is a real reminder.

The crazy thing is that several people told me they have been reading the blog - and that they actually have started working on their weight.  That is always stunning to me.  After being the human weight gain machine over the last fifteen years, I am never prepared to hear someone is losing weight because of me.  It is pretty humbling to hear that.

This trip was different than most of my trips to Orlando.  I wasn't alone, so I didn't just get to hang out in Mexican places and BBQ joints.  I had to take into account Heather and the kids - and the people we were meeting.  I try to avoid places that have been big sources of failure for me over the years.  But, to other people, those don't have the same stigma.  This trip, it ended up that we went to many of those places I usually avoid.  On the way down, we stopped at Denny's.  In years past, Denny's made me do baaad things.  I loved their cheese sticks.  I usually got chili cheese fries with my meal.  And their breakfasts were always a huge problem for me.  Thank God I already developed the egg allergy ten years ago or who knows how many Grand Slams I would have devoured.  This time, I was able to find a pretty good option: bbq chicken breast with vegetable rice pilaf and corn.  It was tasty and very good for my efforts.

The hotel provided breakfast.  This means that it has tons of stuff I can't have: donuts, cereal, yogurt with aspartame, bagels, muffins, danishes.  I didn't get to go by Publix on our way in since we arrived so late, so my breakfast was just some nuts.  Lunch we ended up going to Macaroni Grill - a minefield what with all the pasta and cheese running through the place.  But my kids love the place, so we went there.  (And someone else was paying, so who was I to complain?)  I was able to find their grillers menu items and had Italian sausage with roasted veggies and some marinara sauce.  For dinner, friends of ours invited us join them at Mimi's and use their coupons for free kids meals.  If you haven't been to Mimi's, well I'm sorry for you.  That was one of those places I loved going - their food was incredible.  BUT most of it was sooo bad for me.  They bring out fresh bread to every table - including unbelievable pumpkin and carrot bread.  I decided to be a little more lenient there and had fried pickles with my meatloaf, veggies, and brown rice.  (I ate too many pickles - the next day my fingers were so swollen I couldn't get my ring off.)

On Saturday, we had a birthday party to attend.  My dear friends, the Sharps, were throwing the bash for their three year old.  They were very sensitive to me, so they had chicken breast and fruit for me to eat.  I just had to steer clear of the cake and sugar cookies and cheeseburgers.  For lunch, the ultimate struggle appeared.  We had gone out to Downtown Disney - one of our favorite places to go when we lived in Orlando.  You get a taste of Disney without paying admission - and they have a Lego store!  Well, dinner time rolled around and we decided to go to Pizzeria Uno.  You got to understand something - the only way this place would be harder for me would be if they served donuts.  It is one of the biggest sources of failure in my life.  In my last serious weight loss effort, my birthday lunch at Uno began the destruction of my diet.  So for me to go was tough.  The added problem was that this Uno has jacked up prices due to its proximity to Disney (on top of their already jacked up normal prices).

I looked all over the menu.  Avoid the pizza pages.  Avoid the pasta pages.  Avoid the appetizers and sandwiches.  There wasn't much.  And my usual bailout foods were ridiculously priced.  The chili was $6.29 for A CUP!!!  I was getting frazzled and did the only thing I could do.  I ordered nothing.  I couldn't find an option and just didn't order.  Then I watched my kids and wife eat my favorite pizza in the universe.  I was starving, but it wasn't worth messing up or paying exorbitant prices for something I didn't want.  I have had to resort to this before.  Just the week before at the Corn Maze we went to, I had to go without lunch because they didn't have anything I could eat.

This time, it was painful, but it was the right thing to do.  On the way back to the hotel, I drove by a Del Taco and got two "Big Fat Chicken Tacos" and ate those at the hotel.  I just dumped the innards onto a plate and ate them.  Turns out, the next day after church, we joined several friends at a different Del Taco.  I got the same thing and added a bowl of refried beans.  [Side Note: I wish their was a Del Taco in Tallahassee.  Their food is really good, really cheap, and an AWESOME option for me on the run.]

I know this post isn't that deep or thoughtful.  It is just some of how my life has changed.  Things have gone well enough that I just don't think about things most of the time.  But there are those times when I have to really make hard choices to do things right.  In years past, I never would have done that.  I would have justified making a bad choice.  There is no way I would have sat there at Uno and eaten nothing.  But I can't afford to make that mistake any more.  I know that now.  I just can't buckle.  And that is the mindset I have to have coming up here for the holidays.  This is a tough time of year - very easy to mess up.  There is the Halloween candy, the Thanksgiving pies and sides, the Christmas cookies and baked treats.  It is a good thing I've had to strengthen my resolve now.  I really want to lose 100 pounds by the end of the year.  It is going to take that kind of commitment.

PS - I posted a new picture of me now.  Thanks to Rich Blann for the shoot.

BBQ

I haven't been very active posting on this site for a little while.  It is NOT because I'm doing anything wrong.  The real reason is because the whole process has become very routine to me.  I haven't had a whole lot to document.  But I know that this has become a source of inspiration or strength or diversion (or ridicule) to many of you.  So I wanted to still toss some stuff up.

Today, I wanted to write about why I love Bar-B-Que.  As I've mentioned several times in this blog, BBQ has been one of my saving graces through this whole process.  It is a great resource to me.  I can get meat, beans, and usually a vegetable.  I don't have to worry about bread or breading or cheese.  It is an easy, no-thought option.  Plus, I have always loved BBQ.  It was something that I ate even when I was eating like I wanted to be classified as a Ticonderoga Class battleship.  One of the fun things about traveling in the South for Defender events was trying different BBQ joints.

Over the past nine months, it has been at hard at times seeing so many of the things I used to love being lumped in the "NO WAY BUDDY" category.  Each season brings its own list of items that I used to enjoy that I no longer can.  Apple pie, cheeseburger on the grill, pizza on Friday nights, pumpkin pies, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin donuts, and soon Christmas cookies.  So I take some comfort in being able to still partake of something from back then.

Take yesterday, for example.  We were out at a giant corn maze in Hilliard, Florida.  They had food booths - and both of them had BBQ options.  But, they also had ridonkulously long lines.  All that was available that didn't involve a thirty minute wait was homemade ice cream and boiled peanuts.  I can't have either of those things, so I wasn't able to eat at the event.  I'm used to that kind of difficulty at events.  On the way back home, we found Jack Stack's Smokehouse in Baldwin.  It was one of those places that - if it was a deli or diner - a normal person would never risk eating at.  But, in the world of BBQ, that is the sign of a good place.  One of the best BBQ places I ever ate at was in Spartanburg, SC.  I swear, they should have given out tetanus shots complimentary after your meal.  There was a place down in West Palm Beach when I was growing up that had this for its motto: "Best BBQ in a place that isn't condemned."

Jack Stack was awesome.  I don't just get turkey and green beans - although at this place that would have been a good option.  Their turkey was incredible.  I had pork, sausage, baked beans, sweet potato fries, and fried pickles.  True, it was not "healthy" according to diet books.  But for me, it was great.  I don't eat BBQ all the time.  So, when I do, I can be a little lenient without wrecking everything.  If I do eat something that isn't perfectly right, at least it errs in a mild way.  I don't eat cheese or sugary stuff.  I don't scarf down breads or lots of starch.

BBQ also quenches my enjoyment of discovering new places.  I can compare the different restaurants, sauces, rubs, cooking techniques.  And it also is something that eventually I can try at home.  I don't have a grill right now because we live in a little apartment with a ridiculous "no huge open fires on the back screen porch" rule.  But I have started working on some of the techniques when I have a chance.  At my in-laws' house I use their grill and have learned how to cook chicken, sausage, and red meat really well.  I also make pulled pork in my oven.  Admittedly, it is a poor replacement for real pulled pork.  But it works for right now.

Every person is different.  And there are hundreds of different approaches to weight loss.  I have said all along that my way is not the only way - or the best way.  The best way is what works for each person.  For me, this has been a great approach.  I have lost a lot of weight and cleaned up my act.  And I still am able to have foods I really enjoy.  One of those is BBQ.  It is a "guilty pleasure" without doing anything wrong.  It gives me an outlet when I don't have other options.  And it brings enough variety to keep it from being dull.  Good stuff.