My Beard

I hate shaving.  I think it is the male curse from the Fall.  I have ultra-sensitive skin and I get cuts and inflammation from just about any shaving option out there.  I have cut myself with electric razors.  I have tried every single fancy traditional razor - all the way up to the five bladed Fusion.  (And I will probably try the new six bladed one they are bringing out on June 6.)  So part of my affection for having facial hair was a result of avoiding shaving.

I remember having to shave through high school - well except for that sweet teenage peach fuzz moustache that I rocked for several years.  Then, as my senior year ended, I made a decision.  I shaved for the Baccalaureate service two days before graduation and then stopped.  By the time I went to UCF for Orientation in June, I had a beard.  By the time I started classes in August, I looked like a hostage.  I learned how to trim the face foliage that first semester.  And I kept the beard for the next 18 years.  I think that in that amount of time, I have only been without some sort of facial hair for maybe a month - combined.  I had a goatee for a long time - probably about ten years.  I went back to the full beard last fall - except this time I only trimmed it and let it grow further down my neck.  (Yes, it was as sexy as that sounds.)  Every so often, I will get this desire to shave - just to see what it looks like.  Or I will experiment with longer sideburns or just a goatee and no mustache.  Many of these combos makes me look like I should be perpetually working in a comic book store.  So I go back to the normal goatee or beard.

The sensitive skin is certainly an issue.  But the bigger issue is that I have always hated the way my face looks.  When I don't have a beard, my face looks like a giant pale balloon.  It is huge.  And, as I have gained weight over the years, I have gained that awesome waddle between my chin and neck.  When the beard is there, it can hide all that.  I felt it was good camouflage.  When I have shaved in years past, I would be startled at just how fat I am.

The last time I shaved my face all the way was in December 2006.  Last night, we were looking through old pictures and came across some pictures from that unfortunate experience.  I have attached an example.  Recognize the suit?  Yep, that is the SAME suit from the Gala pictures from April.  You know why it was open in this picture?  It wouldn't close.  And look at that big puffy face.  The sad things is that this was not the biggest I had gotten.  I probably had gained another ten to fifteen pounds after this.  So, you can see why I wasn't too keen on continuing with the bloated pale face act.

This was all in my perception, of course.  I have very dark hair and eyes, but very pale skin.  So I look like of like a panda when I have facial hair.  The black hair breaks up the huge balloon face.  But it also serves to mask the big waddle, the bloated cheeks, the way my eyes start to disappear in the fleshy head.  It is just another mask for me.

The other day, I got that itch again.  I was curious to see how my face looks now.  Well, there it is.  I shaved on Monday - shocking my family.  Heather came home for lunch and did a triple take.  Gabe wouldn't talk to me for an hour after I got out of the shower.  Nat and Josiah didn't realize it was me when I went to pick them up from school.  Generally, there was not a raging endorsement of it.  And I hated it.  I looked like my dad.  From the bottom eyelids down,  I was a clone of the pictures of him without a beard.  The eyes up are a clone of my mom.  But I didn't like the combination.  However, it has grown on me.  I noticed some things.

The beard makes me look darker and angrier.  It gives me a darker look, which is something I hear from time to time - that I am "too dark."  It also emphasizes some of my worst features instead of hiding them - even though I thought it hid things.  My mouth is just build as a frown.  My mom is the same way - my dad was too.  We have downturned mouths.  My beard followed those turns, and it made it more obvious.  The result was that I looked upset a lot more.  Without the beard, I think I look happier.  I also look younger.  Part of that is the lack of white hairs on my face.  But part of it is the beard aged me.  Over the last week, I have grown to actually like the new look.

Of course, the decision is mostly out of my hands.  One, the shaving is majorly irritating my face.  I hate that.  So, unless I magically find something that I never have before (a razor that won't hurt me), I'm going to have to do something.  Two, Heather likes me with a goatee.  This time, though, I am going to change it up.  I always had the goatee growing under my chin as well to mask the growing chin waddle. This time, though, I don't have to hide that as much.  So I can wear the goatee shorter and cleaner.

I know this is a bizarre post.  But, it is actually something that has come out of the weight issues.  I didn't realize how much I was hiding my body.  Fat guys do weird things to try to make themselves looks less big.  Enormous shirts, walking slumped, pulling at shirts, leaving shirts untucked, growing facial hair.  I did all of those things.  Interesting discovery.

Life Lessons From Lost

I posted this on my other blog, but I felt like it also fit into the overall nature of this blog, so I am posting it here too.

Over on my other blog, I recently explored my newfound respect for and understanding of the television series Lost.  To summarize: I brought out the point that we just now are understanding what the Lost castaways are TRULY on the island for.  The central conflict has finally been revealed.  All of the battles to this point were merely to get the castaways to this final point.  They had to wade through layers of difficulties before they could fully understand their role.  They had to develop the skills, grow as people, remove distractions.  And now, with the finale upon us, they are at the place where they can do what they need to do - at least the ones left can.

Something hit me right after I wrote that post.  That is a lot like life - especially our walk as a Christian.  We get caught up in all nature of imbroglios, but they are not really what we should be expending all of our energy on.  It isn't really the point.  In fact, all too often, we get so focused on the minor skirmishes that we forget all about the main battle.

For example, I have been working very hard to change up my approach to food and health since January.  To date, I've lost 67 pounds, 12 inches off my waist, several shirt sizes.  I have jettisoned the foods that had me in an unhealthy grip.  I am basically a different person.  All of that is great.  BUT, I realized the other day that I have made THAT my main focus for the last four months.  It has been all about the weight loss and food efforts.  As a result, I have found myself losing control over my emotions, my temper, my thoughts.  I have been reading less.  I have been praying less.  I have been less attentive to my relationships with my kids and my wife.  The house is more tense and more stressful.  Why, exactly, would that be when things are finally going so well in an area of my life that I have always been defeated?  You would think that I would be getting better as a person now that I was free of those shackles.  That is what happened when I had to break previous addictions and habits.  

The difference this time is that the food battle takes constant vigilance.  When I was working to get past my out-of-control interest in movies, all I really had to do was NOT go to the movies.  But with food, there is a constant stream of checkpoints.  "Can I have this food?  What can I have instead?  I'm hungry, what can I eat?  There is nothing here, what can I cobble together?  We are eating out - where can we go?"  Those thought begin to dominate.  And while I have been very successful in this phase of my life, I have started to hear my family say things like "you are mad all the time."  

So, now I am making more of an effort to work on my relationship with Heather.  We are starting a study on communication within marriage - something that seems to be a major tripping up point for me.  Summer is about to start (cringe).  So I have to come up with things for me and the kids to do - so we don't replicate last summer's house imprisonment and subsequent depression.  There are all of these different little skirmishes that I am trying to get a handle on.  I don't want to keep dropping the ball in some areas while doing well in other.  

However, like the castaways, I am still missing the point - even when doing all of that.  On the show, they were off fighting The Others, trying to undo time shifting changes, warring with the mercenaries on the freighter.  And they kept trying to get back home.  Those were all necessary battles and worthy investments of time.  But none of those were there true purpose for being on the Island.  That's me.  I am battling a bunch of things: my weight, my food choices, financial status, my thought life, my attitude, my temper, the way I speak to my wife and kids.  Those are all necessary and worthy efforts.  But they still aren't the main thing I should be addressing.

The fact of the matter is that the center of everything should be my relationship with Christ.  I should be focused the most on that.  Actually, it will help how I handle everything else.  But, being completely honest, my relationship with Christ is at one of the worst points it has been in a looooong time.  We finally got plugged into a church - which is helping.  But I am not teaching any more - in school or in church - which means I am not needing to prepare anything for that.  I'm not reading the Bible on my own very much.  I'm not reading other Christian books right now - even though I have some on my shelf.  It seems so hard to deal with all of that too, in addition to the other things.  But, if I don't, I'll keep struggling with the other things.  

I had hoped that this time in Tallahassee would help me to grow spiritually - kind of a two year retreat.  And there are some great things that have happened in my personal growth.  I have never had the kind of victory I have now with food, diet, and health.  I have gotten closer to my kids.  I have had to learn discipline and patience.  But I also have felt myself lowering my goals for my life.  So much of my life is getting through the day - keeping the kids under control, making meals, doing chores - and then getting a chance to chill out at night.  I used to want to become the man that my wife respected the most in the world.  (Copyright, Jeff Williams, FBC TT, 1999)  Now I rarely think about that.  I wanted to be a great example for my kids of how a man should live.  Now I just don't want them to hate me when they grow up.  It is like Sawyer on Lost desperately wanting to leave for so long, and then switching his goal to having a nice dinner with Juliet.  

It is not easy.  It drive me nuts when I read all these Twitter posts and Facebook status updates of people with these trite and simplistic platitudes about the Christian life.  You read them and it looks like you just pop up out of bed and whisper some secret mantra to yourself and then go on your merry way, never to mess up again.  I have never found that to be true.  I have been saved for 32 years, and it never has been as easy as tossing out a fortune cookie message.  It has been a constant war.  I don't know if that is just me.  Maybe it is.  Maybe I'm just too in love with the world and my desires.  From what I have noticed, I doubt that is the case, though.  It is a constant battle.  Just like a house constantly needs cleans and organized, a life needs constant upkeep.  

I have already starting asking the kids what they want to do this summer.  I want to give them a project - something to aim towards.  At the end of the summer, I want them to be able to hold up the completed project and realize they actually did something worthwhile over the last ten weeks.  For Josiah, he and I are going to work on developing his own original superhero and comic book.  (He's very excited.)  I'm still coming up with one for Natalie - but it will either be to have her make dinner for all us one night, or to create a summer scrapbook. (She loves to take pictures and to do arts and crafts.)  Gabe gets to learn to sleep in his own bed.  (He doesn't know this yet.)  I think that my project is going to be to get my life onto the right track.  That is going to include walking, doing exercises, losing weight, doing a study with Heather, reading the Bible more.  But all of that is just part of the main goal to get back on track with God.  That's what I'm on the Island for.  

WEEK SIXTEEN: New Frontier

It has been sixteen weeks since I started my life overhaul.  That is 112 days.  And I'm honestly getting to the point that I don't remember what it was like before.  I know that sounds weird, but as anyone who has ever had a kid knows, that is entirely possible.  I remember when our kids were born, there is that transition periods where you are trying to get used to having a new person in your family.  Things feel off.  But then, without warning, you hit a point where you can't imagine your life without that little person.  Your whole person has so completely absorbed the notion of the newcomer that you can't even stand the thought of being without them.

That is the closest example I can come up with for explaining how this new life feels.  I mean, for almost 36 years, I did whatever I wanted when it came to food and taking care of myself.  I ate horribly.  I only ate what I liked and wanted.  I never exercised unless it was something fun like intramural sports.  And I felt that I was perfectly justified in that approach.  After living that way for that long, I assumed that it would take a very long time to change that mindset.

Yet, here I am sixteen weeks in, and I feel like a different person.  My entire approach has changed.  And I have a hard time even thinking about the old way - it seems so foreign.  This isn't just some sanitized version of things - to try to impress anyone.  I have been transparent enough on this blog that it should be fairly obvious that I am being honest.  I really cannot picture myself doing those other things.

The other day is a good indication.  On Friday, there was a get together for some of the younger married couples at our church.  It was a dessert and game night.  We had to get the kids through dinner fast, so I went to Domino's and got them pizza.  We then had to stop to get gas.  The place I stopped was a Shell that also houses a McDonald's.  And it is next door to a Krispy Kreme - which was pumping out donut aroma and flickering its hot sign.  And we were going to a dessert fellowship complete with cookies, ice cream cake, m&ms, and a marshmallow and cream cheese dip for apples.  Then I went to see Iron Man 2.  Basically, I was navigating a mine field.  Pizza, hot donuts, Mickey D's, ice cream, cookies, exotic sweet dips, candy, concession stand goodies.  But I didn't have pizza - I had bbq wings.  [Side Note: Domino's wings are good.  They were better than Zaxby's, Barnaby's, Hobbit's.  And they were a heck of a lot better than Pizza Hut.  I was very surprised.]  And I ignored the aromas wafting from KK and McD.  And I had about four apple slices.  And I had nothing at the movie.  (The night before at Iron Man 1, I brought my own trail mix and bought a water.)

The weird thing was not that I did all of that - it was that it just was second nature.  There was a twinge of desire when I smelled the donuts and burgers.  But that was it.  When I got in the car, I told Heather that I really could not come up with a scenario that would end up with me eating something I shouldn't.  It wasn't arrogance.  It was just the way things are.  Aside from a major life-shattering crisis (which, man I hope doesn't happen), I don't see something coming up that would trip my food efforts.  I have already in the last sixteen weeks done just about everything that has tripped me up before.  I have gone on trips.  I have been places without any healthy options.  I have been to fancy and special events where I haven't wanted to rock the boat.  I have been to other people's houses and wanted to be polite.  I have been alone in a hotel by myself on a trip.  I have been to the movie theater, watching the Super Bowl, celebrating a birthday.  I have had to get up early to go to a pre-breakfast meeting that would lend to a stop at McDonald's.  I have had no food in the house.

Just about every single situation that I have failed in before, I have successfully navigated.  And now, the thought of eating something wrong is just . . . wrong.  I am a pretty smart guy.  And I try to live a good life - do the right thing, please God, follow the Bible.  When it came to food, I never assigned a "right" or "wrong" to my actions.  But when I started this, I realized I had to do that.  To eat certain foods was just "wrong" because they had unhealthy control on me.  When I was able to absorb that belief, I was able to finally win.  It isn't worth it to do something wrong.  (Man, I wish I saw other things in my life in that black and white way.)

Now, I just go into my meal situation and come up with an option that works.  I have found places in a mall food court that work.  Sarku Japanese restaurant is great - cheap and lots of meat.   Too much salt, though.  Or if I don't want Sarku, I can go to Taco Time and get a taco salad with grilled veggies and extra meat and not eat the shell.  I can get rice bowls at Mexican places.  I get wings at pizza places.  I order bbq a lot if I am traveling.  I even have found an option at McDonald's, although I still hate eating there.  (Grilled chicken sandwich with no mayo - just eat the meat, lettuce and tomato.  Add an apple dippers and even yogurt parfait if I want to splurge.)

The only place that still befuddles me is Italian food.  We went to Olive Garden for Mother's Day lunch. I examined the menu online before we went.  There were maybe three or food dishes that I could even work with - but they all were expensive.  So I went the soup, salad, and breadsticks route.  Well, no breadsticks.  I had two bowls of salad with their low fat parmesan peppercorn dressing.  I had a bowl of pasta fagioli soup and picked out the pasta.  (About a 1/2 cup in my one bowl).  And I had a bowl of zuppa tuscana soup and picked out the big potato pieces.  They at least have that option.  But most Italian places are just not worth the effort for me.

Mostly, we eat at home.  I make all kinds of stuff.  And the leftovers make for awesome skillet meals for lunch the next day.  I actually like what I'm making.  And after four months, I don't really want to eat the other stuff any more.  Sure, there are times when my thoughts start to drift.  I had to turn off a Bobby Flay Throwdown on the Food Network the other day.  The green chile cheeseburgers battle was too much for me.  And I had to move the basket of Olive Garden deathsticks away from me.  And I still don't really like it when I am surrounding by kids eating ice cream and I am stuck watching and wiping their mouths.  But it seems like I am in a completely different place.

As far as the stats go, I am now at 291 pounds.  I have lost 64 pounds in 16 weeks.  My waist is down from a 50.  I wear 40 pants, but I have a feeling that I could actually wear 38s.  I've lost like 2 1/2 inches in my neck.  I had bought a new belt a couple months ago.  I think it was a 44 incher.  I started out on hole one - now I'm on hole six.  My dress belt is on hole three now.  It started in March on hole one and was tight.  I've had to basically get rid of all my 4XLT shirts and old pants.  They just looked ridiculous.  I still wear my old 3XLT shirts that I had put in the back of my closet, but they are also getting big.  I bought some shirts for my birthday and got 2XLTs - and they fit perfect even after washing.  At some point this summer, I am going to have to do some serious clothes updating.  [The other day I wore jeans to church and was worried people may have a problem with that.  Our new church is a little more conservative in what most people wear.  But I had gotten tired of wearing the same single pair of khakis every Sunday and the shirt I was wearing didn't look get with them.  No one cared.]  I do 35-45 minutes on the Wii Fit four days a week.  I'm still trying to get more walking and other exercise into the plan.

My food selections are pretty set in stone now.  I eat yogurt for breakfast - usually Chobani Greek no fat yogurt.  I have added rice back into my diet.  I didn't like being unable to have any starches - it felt too restrictive.  And once I added it, there really wasn't any adverse reaction in my weight loss.  So I have brown rice off and on.  I also use a blend of texmati rice, red rice, black rice - sometimes with red beans in it.  The only white rice I ever eat is at Sarku - and then just a little bit.  That is the only starch I eat (aside from corn).  Veggies and fruits are still big in my diet - and something I can eat whenever or however much I want.  Meat is a big component.  And then I have a banana with peanut butter for dessert.  I only drink water and a small glass of milk each day.  I also allow myself to have yogurt a lot - making dips out of them, eating them for snacks or desserts.  I haven't bumped up to traditional frozen yogurt yet, but I think I may soon as a special treat.  The numbers on it are amazing.  (100 calories per 1/2 cup as opposed to 250 in ice cream.)

All in all, things are going great.  Thanks to you all for your support and interest in my efforts.  And, if there is ever anything I can do to help anyone in their own efforts, please let me know.  I don't have all the answers, but sometimes you just need to know that someone understands what you're going through.  If I can end up helping someone else avoid the destruction I visited upon myself, that would be amazing.

Double Down

I have been pretty insulting of the new KFC Double Down sandwich since it dragged it's lard butt onto the American fast food scene.  For those of you who are not familiar with this monstrosity, here is a basic description.  The Double Down is comprised of two fried chicken breasts, which operate as the bun.  Inside, there is bacon, pepper jack cheese, jack cheese, and some mysterious substance known as "Colonel's Sauce."  (There is a "healthier" version that uses grilled patties instead.)  It is being marketed as a "man's sandwich" that is so meaty it doesn't have room for a bun.  The thing looks and sounds horrifying.  It's nutritional information is terrible (540 cal, 32 fat g, 1380 mg sodium -- 460/23/1430 for the grilled).  But, like a train wreck or a torture movie, many people are drawn to it.

Then I found THIS ARTICLE the other day.  (Click on the link if you want to read it.)  This guy is way smarter than me.  He wanted to see if the Double Down was as bad as it appears.  So he constructed a comparison between it and a bunch of other fast food sandwiches (and burritos, I guess).  He added the fat, sodium, and cholesterol in the Double Down and put it up against those same things in other sandwiches.  That is what you see in this first chart.

What you see is that the Double Down actually doesn't fare that poorly - largely due to the fact that there are so many horrible choices for foods out there.  When compared to other chicken sandwiches, the KFC DD has six options worse than it.  And, when burgers enter the argument, it pales in comparison.  Look at the Wendy's and Hardee's numbers!  So, maybe the KFC DD has gotten a bum rap, no?  Well, the writer than goes on to point out that the problem is that the KFC DD actually is worse because it has fewer calories than these other sandwiches.  You are only getting 1/4 of the daily recommended 2000 calories, but you are getting more than 1/2 of the fat, sodium, and cholesterol.  You are getting less bang for your buck.  With the burgers, you probably will feel full for a little while.  With the KFC DD, you will be hungry - maybe even want a second DD.  (Good grief.)  Also, there is absolutely no fiber in the KFC DD, whereas the buns that it abandons brings SOME nutritional value.  This is shown in the second chart - basically dividing the calorie/fat/cholesterol number by calories.

When you look at thing this way, the only thing worse than the fried KFC Double Down is the GRILLED KFC Double Down.  That is because the sodium is higher in the grilled version and the calories are less.  [Trust me.  I tried the regular KFC grilled chicken a few months ago.  It is as salty as beef jerky.  It is horrible.]  The Double Down is even worse that a TRIPLE BACONATOR!  That just makes my jaw drop.  

So, I could have just posted a link to this guy's site.  Why did I bother to write all of this?  Well, I want you to look at that list again.  I have had 27 of those sandwiches before.  While I never have had the triple Baconator, I always ordered the double Baconator when I went to Wendy's.  I have tried the Quad Stacker - but usually got the Triple Stacker.  At McDonald's I would always order a Double Quarter Pounder - with extra cheese.  But it would also include a large fries and large Coke - sometimes with a Frosty or ice cream too.  I never thought about the numbers.  I just ate the stuff because I liked it.  Look at what I would regularly order at these places.

DAILY RECOMMENDED DAILY ALLOWANCE

2000 calories, 65 g fat, 300 mg cholesterol, 2400 mg sodium, 300 g carbs, 25 g fiber, 50 g protein

WENDYS

Double Baconator, Large Fries, Large Coke, Small Frosty

2100 calories, 95 g fat, 245 g cholesterol, 2630 mg sodium, 245 g carbs, 8 g fiber,  73 g protein, 

MCDONALDS

Double Quarter Pounder with Extra Cheese, Large Fries, Large Coke

1650 calories, 74 g fat, 167 g cholesterol, 1777 mg sodium, 196 g carb, 9 g fiber, 55 g protein

BURGER KING

Triple Stacker (no sauce), Large Fries, Large Coke

1610 calories, 77 g fat, 140 g cholesterol, 2120 mg sodium, 200 g carbs, 50 g protein

SONIC

Supersonic with Bacon and Cheese, Mozzarella Sticks, Large Cherry Vanilla Coke

1775 calories, 80 g fat, 211 g cholesterol, 2562 mg sodium, 200 g carbs, 6 g fiber, 69 g protein

TACO BELL

3 Cheesy Gordita Crunch, Soft Taco, Large Pepsi

2220 calories, 108 g fat, 210 g cholesterol, 3625 mg sodium, 249 g carbs, 21 g fiber, 73 g protein

CHICK FIL A

Two Original Chicken Sandwiches with Cheese, Large Fries, Large Coke

1640 calories, 65 g fat, 150 g cholesterol, 3250 mg sodium, 200 g carbs, 12 g fiber, 73 g protein

I didn't go through and find worse case scenarios.  That is what I usually ordered at these places.  I didn't even look up Whataburger or Arby's or Checkers.  I think that the point is made.  It is ridiculous.  The sad thing is that I was not some solitary self-destructive fatso that was doing this alone.  People all over the country eat just like this all the time.  I see what my friends post on Facebook that they eat.  I have eaten with people and had them get the same stuff.  We just don't even think any more.

The point is not whether or not the KFC Double Down is the worst fast food item ever.  The point is that there is actually competition for that position.  I was consuming far beyond what a normal person should eat in a day at one meal!  And so you would have to add another of those numbers for dinner.  And, might as well toss in breakfast too.  Look at those numbers!!!  It is no wonder I was fat.  I'm lucky I wasn't pickled from the inside out.  From the other side, I am horrified at how I used to handle myself.  I guess that I just wanted to give my readers a moment to pause and consider what they actually are consuming.  Go on one of the fast food sites and use their nutrition calculator to see what you really are eating.  Don't take solace in the fact you would never eat a Double Down.  Actually evaluate yourself honestly and seriously.  I wish I had.

Toxic Influence

I'll start off this post with another fun discovery.  I have made my love of yogurt very clear on this blog.  The love of yogurt is probably only approached by my love of peanut butter.  These two items have helped me to make it through the last nearly four months.  And, their glorious marriage in my peanut butter yogurt dip and chocolate peanut butter yogurt dip only served to highlight the awesomeness of both ingredients.  Well, never one to leave well enough alone, today I tried another permutation of the yogurt and peanut butter combination.  I had just had some peanut butter on a banana and was opening a contained of Chobani Strawberry Greek Yogurt.  It hit me, you know, I love peanut butter and jelly.  Why wouldn't this work?  You know what's coming next.  I heated up a big spoonful of peanut butter and poured it into my strawberry yogurt and mixed it all up.  It was like PB&J in a cup.  Sooooo good.  It seems like a no brainer - but have you ever done it?  Didn't think so.  My next step is do that and then freeze it.  And then I'm going to combine the peanut butter with honey flavored greek yogurt.  There is no end to this madness.

Now, wasn't that a helpful tip?  I'm a helpful person.  I have always wanted to be helpful.  The other day I was thinking about how helpful I have been over the years.  When it came to issues of food and weight, I have been so very helpful.  I have helped tons of people to put on weight and eat horrible foods.  I have helped the fast food industry gain recruits.  I have helped the cardiologists of the world feel secure in their ability to have a future of loyal patients.  I am very helpful.

Seriously, I was thinking about how many people I have affected in my food and weight battles over the years.  I think there was always a part of me that thought that my food and weight were private issues.  They didn't affect anyone else.  If I wanted to eat garbage, that was my choice.  You are more than welcome to eat a salad.  But I am going to grab this enormous burger.  So what if I decided I'm okay getting fat?  It doesn't bother you.  However, I now realize that is not true.

I went back through my life and thought about the people I hung out with.  There is real validity in the fact that just about every person I have ever spent a large amount of time with has gained weight.  I'm serious.  Back in high school, I used to hang out with two guys from church - Mike and Dave.  I would drive out to Dave's house and we would watch basketball.  On the way, I would stop at McDonald's and get triple cheeseburgers.  Eventually, those guys started eating them too.  Once I went to college, my roommate Matt was at my mercy, since he had no car.  We ate where I wanted to eat - which was usually Burger King, Miami Subs, and McDonald's - along with the Wild Pizza on campus.  He gained weight.  My sophomore year, my roomie Justin was a little guy.  So he never gained weight.  But his friends did - as we all would eat second breakfast together almost every day.  Then my roommates that summer and third year - Eric and Tim - both gained weight.  The BCM guys and I started hanging out third year.  We hit buffets and Denny's and Chili's all the time.  All of them gained weight.

After college, I moved to Tampa and hung out with a bunch of college students.  Greg, Toney, Melvin.  All of them gained weight.  My bosses and co-workers and I hit all the buffets around town - and they all gained weight.  I'm not talking a few pounds - I'm talking twenty and thirty pounds.  When I was in charge of ordering food for an event, it was pizza or wings or tenders.  Our group ate horribly.  Then Heather came into the picture.  Even though she had worked hard to get into a healthy eating habit, she then adapted to my eating style.  And, sure enough, she gained weight.  The people I worked with at Rhodes gained weight - after eating at Firehouse, Rally's, and Buffalo Wild Wings.

We moved back to Orlando and I hung out with JP and Charles and Rick and the college ministry.  All of them gained weight.  It seems like wherever I go, poor food choices and weight gain follow.  I have thought through this and counted like two dozen people who had this happen.  Sure, they were making their own choices - ones they may have made with or without me there.  But I know that I was very vocal about my food desires.  And, face it, when you see someone else eating something that looks delicious and attractive, it is only a matter of time until you give in.

For a person who is trying hard, how long can they hold out if you have another person there eating a double cheeseburger and mozzarella sticks?  I know that I never have been able to hold out when I was the one watching the other person enjoying their tasty pasta.  I don't think I enjoyed wrecking people's diets - but there weren't a whole lot of tears shed either.  I always felt guilty when someone around me starting eating well.  It convicted me.  But I didn't want to give that any validity.  So I would poke fun and joke.  My friend, Tiffany, was a vegetarian.  I razzed her so bad about that all the time.  When she quit that (not due to me, I hope) I had this thrilled feeling.  It was like I didn't have to feel condemned any more - even though she never condemned me in the first place.  I still do this.  My brother in law and his wife both are very into organic and natural foods.  (So are several of my wife's friends.)  I poke fun at that all the time - to their face as much as not.  I guess it is that I can't come up with a good reason to NOT eat that way - so I poke fun at it.  I'm trying to minimize the logic of it, I guess.

I, on the other hand, would introduce people to things like the Wheelhouse burger at Bennigans (a hamburger with marinara sauce and a big circle of fried mozzarella on it).  Or I would take people to Stone Turtle - an old buffet in Tampa that I believe would kill you dead if you ate there every day.  I found delicious food all over the place - but it was always unhealthy.  And so when I took people there, they got that unhealthy connection too.  I remember when I moved up to Tallahassee, I managed to find a whole bunch of great restaurants and make a bunch of tasty casseroles.  All of it was horrible for you.  And I pulled my wife, kids, and my friend Greg right into those places with me.

I could take all of that as a demonstration of how much people respect my opinion - that they would put so much weight on what I said (some pun intended).  It also is a warning of how much we influence people, even with our personal struggles.  I guess that is why in AA and those things they make you make things right with other people.  I have wronged a LOT of people.  I gave them bad advice and set a poor example for them.  And that was unhealthy for them on several fronts.  That is why this new lifestyle is so weird.  I actually am doing things right for once.  And people are still listening to me.  Hardly a week goes by without having someone ask me about what I'm doing.  They want to know about the foods I'm making.  They ask about the approach I'm taking.  It is weird - dispensing health advice.  This is the same guy that always gave people directions based on where restaurants were located.  ("Go down to the Long Horn and take a right.  At the Sonic, turn left.  And it is the apartment complex just past the Gumby's Pizza.")  Now I'm telling people how to come up with low-carb dinner options.

It doesn't make sense.  I guess it is like how I'm working with Defender Ministries helping people avoid the traps I fell into.  Now I get to do the same thing with food and weight.  I am actually meeting with a professor at Heather's Med School about collaborating on a book about male obesity!  And it isn't "How to Get Fat . . . FAST!"  Very weird.  God indeed does use the foolish things to shame the wise and is strong in our weakness.  I have prayed through all of this that God would use it to free other people.  I've always loved the Demotivator that says "Your life may exist as a warning sign to others."  I really think, in my case, it is true.  I'm willing to be that.  I've led enough of my friends into the rocks.  I hope at some point I can get some of them out.