Plateau

I remember when I was in school and learned about what a plateau was.  It was a raised area that was higher in sea level than the surrounding area, but it was level on top.  I always saw it in my head as a mountain that was cut off at the knees.  And it was always in a desert - and red.  I don't know why I see it that way.  It may be because of the pictures in those early books that taught me about it.  Whatever the reason, a plateau seemed like a horrible land feature - almost as bad as a savannah.  Boring and depressing. Not exciting like a mountain, dry, desolate, like a big wart.

This post is for all those people who think that my weight loss efforts have been non-stop successes.  You may be surprised, but I hear that frequently.  People will start a weight loss process, and then look at me and get depressed when they don't lose tons of weight.  When I had that huge drop back during the holidays, numerous people told me they were frustrated.  Well, now it is my turn.

Back before Christmas, I had dropped all the way to 253.  Last week, I weighed 258.  I finally got back down to 254 on Monday, only to be back up at 255 on Tuesday.  (This was after having a bad stomach day and, uh, "using the facilities" six times in 24 hours.)  It has been six weeks of floating around the same weight - and even going up.  There is no good reason.  I have been back home most of that time, eating like I had been eating back in early November.  I was on a routine.  I was drinking fewer Starbucks lattes.  I should have been going back down the weight ladder.  But I went up.  I have no idea why.

I know this happens with weight loss.  I have been waiting for it to happen.  All I hoped for was that I could hit 100 pounds before it happened - which I did.  I really have gone as far as possible with just food changes.  I have to do one of two things - restrict my diet further or start exercising.  As far as the first option goes, I do NOT want to restrict my diet more.  I have gotten into an easy to maintain routine.  This is a good thing.  I know what I can and can't eat.  I like my choices.  It is something I can continue for the long term.  I have made some minor changes, like eating less BBQ and trying to eat more fruit and veggies.  For example, I will make sure I have a couple bananas and an apple every day in between meals, to up my intake.  I try to not have a meal without some kind of plant generated item.  I am really honestly not willing to trim things further.  Some people may take issue with that.  But when so much has already been cut, it is hard to imagine cutting into the few options I have.

The second option is to begin exercising.  I know that I need to do this.  But I just have not gotten the drive to start.  I remember when I began this journey last year, the food stuff like clicked - like a switch had flipped.  I was ready and committed.  There was no wavering.  I didn't come up with excuses to cheat.  I just did it and that's that.  But with exercise, sheesh.  It is like I come up with every single reason possible to not start.

It is too cold.  That is my biggest excuse right now.  It is a true statement, to be sure.  We rarely have a day that the wakey time temperature is above 40.  And even those days usually are rainy with a new front moving into the area.  Exercising in the cold is a pretty lousy experience.  (Understand, that my definition of exercise at this point is basically walking.)  This is combined by the fact that...

I don't have the right clothing for this (another excuse).  I don't have long pants for exercising - I have jeans and a couple pairs of khakis.  The only workout pants I have fall down no matter how tight I tie them.  And I don't want to spend money on any new stuff - because I don't really want to work out.

I don't have access to a gym.  People will usually respond to my climate excuses with "well go to the gym."  I am not going to buy a gym membership.  I've done that before.  Until I have some commitment that is like pouring money into a furnace.  Plus, the only one close is the YMCA - and a pretty lame one at that.  Our apartment complex has a workout center.  But it seems to have its hours modeled after Major Major from Catch-22.  It's only open when you can't go.  They don't open it until after most people would have left for work and it closes before the kids go to bed.  I can't take Gabe because the only place to put him is this little tiny alcove with a lame gate he could just open and walk out from.  Now, I could go on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday when Gabe is at preschool.  But I usually have more important things to do - like nap and play on Facebook.

The kids won't cooperate.  We have a Wii and Wii Fit and a Wii Balance Board.  I used it for a while.  But now, it seems like I just don't see that as an option.  I don't know why.  I used to use it when Gabey was going to bed.  The big kids would watch me.  Now, Gabe's routine has changed, we have gymnastics on Tuesday and Thursday, and the house seems to have more toys in the way.  I'm sure I could still use the Wii.  But the tiniest excuse not to always seems to derail me.

I hurt too much.  My rheumatoid arthritis has been flared up for the past six months or so.  But, the meds I am on actually seem to be working pretty well.  Of course, it is a convenient excuse when my neck or knee are acting up.  I couldn't possibly work through that.  (Even though exercise is supposed to be something good for RA.)

Basically, I am stuck in neutral.  The food stuff is going fine.  But I just don't seem to have the desire to start the exercise.  Part of it is that I have come so far.  It's not like I have to exercise to save my life or anything.  It is to get the last chunk off.  I just hate exercise.  I'm not one of those people who gets a thrill by running or lifting weight.  I get a thrill by killing animated pigs with catapulted birds.  I get a thrill by watching Burn Notice or White Collar.  I'm a stagnant person.  This is not a new development.  My brother used to try to get me to play outside with him.  As I got older, it got harder and harder for him to do it.  I don't like it.

People will say, "You just got to do it.  Just get up and do it."  It's funny, though.  That is the same thing they said about the food changes - and that advice never worked with that either.  It isn't as easy as just standing up and saying, "Today I'm going to force myself to do this."  Or maybe it is.  I haven't found the answer yet.  I'm not giving up.  I just have tried to be honest on this blog about my process.  And right now, my process is in stasis and is being held up by my lack of motivation to engage in physical activity.  Really, until I do that, I'm stuck on that desert wart.