One Year Update

I really can't believe that it has been a whole year.  Last MLK weekend, for some reason, things finally clicked and decided to do something about my weight and food issues.  It has been a long journey.  It has not been easy.  But, quite honestly, it has been a lot easier and quick than I thought.  First, let me throw up the numbers that I know everyone thirsts for.

2010
355 pounds
4XLT Shirts
50" waist
Hole 1 of bigger belt

2011
255 pounds
XLT Shirts
38" waist
Hole 9 of smaller belt

Yes, things fluctuate all the time.  I was down to 253 about ten days ago.  Then I was back up 258 after traveling and driving all weekend.  But most of the last month I have been at 255.  The fluctuations are annoying - and one of those frustrations that have derailed me in the past.  (And they also are the most disheartening things with my friends who are working on their weight and food right now.)  You can do everything right and take in too much salt and then drift up a couple pounds right at weigh-in time.  Then, with no warning, you'll drop four pounds in a week.  Fluctuations stink.

But this post is not about complaining.  It is a celebration.  That is how I have viewed this past weekend.  On Friday night, we had our Tallahassee friends over for a Tex-Mex fiesta to celebrate the one year anniversary.  It felt appropriate.  Weight loss and dieting is such a solitary thing - most of the time.  That is how I had always approached it.  You are fighting alone, looking at all the fun everyone else is having.  This time, though, I did something different.  I involved my friends and family from the very beginning.  The first thing I did was send an email out to a core group of supporters to ask for prayer.  That email is one of the first posts on this blog.  Speaking of this blog, it was another way to bring supporters into the process.  I was journaling my journey - working through issues and struggles.  I also posted monthly updates on Facebook.  This brought accountability.  I wasn't alone.  That brought comfort, in the fact that I had people to turn to.  But it also kept me going, because I didn't want to have to admit to bunch of people I had binged on fried cheese.

There is no way I could have done this without all the people around me.  I can't even explain the feeling in knowing that fifty or sixty people were reading this blog after every Facebook update.  It made me feel good - like a jolt of energy to keep me on track.  Every email, blog comment, Facebook status comment was another push in the right direction.  Every time I saw someone who gushed about how good I looked, it just made me more driven.  Those things are so important to a person making a life change.  They need to know other people are proud of them and rooting for them.

It went beyond just edification.  My friends and family went overboard to make sure I succeeded.  "I want to make sure you have what you need to eat."  I heard that every time I was staying at someone's house.  Most people don't have Fage brand cherry Greek yogurt in their fridge.  My friends and family members do every time I'm in town.  The average family doesn't cook chicken breast at a kiddie birthday party.  They don't have frozen yogurt in their fridge or big jars of cashews in their cupboard.  My friends do.  My friends make two stops when picking up food - one at McDonalds or Chick-Fil-A and one at a BBQ place for me.  My friends and family forego going to Olive Garden and Carrabbas when I'm around.  They put up with Mexican food a lot.  And LOTS of BBQ.  They eat at Boston Market.  They ask before they bake things if I can handle it.  They make extra sides at dinners so there are things for me to eat.  For all those people who wonder how I did this - that's how.  I had an army of people making sure I didn't fail.  They didn't want to be the one that tripped me up.  And they saw it as them participating in it.  When I won, they won.  And THAT is something I never saw coming.  I was prepared to go through this alone and hungry.  And that never happened.  Even if I started to feel that way, my kids would say something about my diet or brag on me to their teacher and I remembered I was NOT alone.

People ask me all the time how I feel.  The biggest word I can use to describe how I feel now is FREE.  I am free from having to make bad choices.  I really understand freedom now.  It isn't being able to do whatever you want.  It is not having to do certain things.  I don't have to order cheeseburgers when I go to a restaurant.  I don't have to stick with the all-fried appetizer combo.  I don't have to drink soda to be satisfied.  I don't have to stop at McDonald's for breakfast.  This past weekend, we went to a party for a friend's little girl.  There was pizza and cupcakes and soda.  Yes, there was a twinge of disappointment.  But there was not even one split second that I considered partaking.  I looked at the food options and just knew that I would have to stop at Huey Magoo's on the way back to the hotel.  In years past - even in diets past - I would have taken the hit and tried to get past it later.  Not this time.  I didn't even think about it.  I was free.

I'm freer in my clothing choices.  I'm not limited to the three button colored short sleeve shirt any more.  I wear straight leg jeans instead of loose fit.  I buy shirts at Target instead of Casual Male.  I am free of those hateful beliefs about myself.  I see myself differently.  It is an unbelievable feeling.  As any American should know, freedom is an intoxicating feeling.  Actually, more Americans take it for granted.  The people who realize that are those who move here from a place where freedom is only a dream.  The same goes for someone who beats an addiction.  Only a former prisoner can truly appreciate being free.  I was that prisoner.  I was trapped in solitary confinement in a prison of my construction made of walls of donuts and pizza crust, with a moat of Mountain Dew.  Now I am free, surrounded by people who love me - and who will get to love me for a longer period of time, since I won't die from my stupid food choices.  And it is the greatest feeling in the world.  I wouldn't say Darth Fatso is dead yet.  But he is well on is way.  Thank you all for being there for me during this.