One of the more exciting and frustrating parts of this whole weight loss process is having to get new clothes. On one hand, it is fun to get new clothes. I don't know too many people who are down on that. "Boo! I want my old ratty clothes. I don't want new stuff!" Sure, my kids do that, but they are insane. So the concept of "new clothes" is not the problem. Neither is the exhilaration of trying on something in a size that used to be something you wore to recreate Chris Farley's "Fat guy in a little coat" scene from Tommy Boy and actually having it fit. That rocks.
The frustrating thing is having to figure out the inconsistent stupid sizing methods at stores. Why is there not a uniform sizing system? Isn't this somewhere the government should step in? I mean, there is a globally accepted system of weights and measures. "A pound's a pound the world around." Right? Imagine the uproar if companies could decide what a cup or an ounce was. One pound bag of flour is bigger than another. Ridiculous. Even worse - what if Starbucks decided their 12 ounce cup would be smaller than everyone else's. UPROAR!!! Clothes should be subject to this too. I mean, they are measuring the amount of human that fits into the pants, right? Unify that junk.
Old Navy is like the perfect example of this mind-bending sizing process. I wear 38 inch waist, 30 inch inseam straight leg jeans there. They fit perfect. But, if I try to put on a 38/30 pair of cargo pants or khakis, they don't fit. The employees there have told me it is because they have different factories making the different pants. Uh, does that mean the different factories have different size tape measures? That's no excuse. But it isn't just their pants, either. Their shirts are the worst. Their 2XL shirts are probably the equivalent of a small XL somewhere else. It is like everything there is sized down one letter.
Shirts are a big frustration to me. Back in the day, when I was turning into a human Macy's Thanksgiving Day Balloon, ("And now the Darth Fatso balloon is drifting down the boulevard. The amazing thing, Al, is that this balloon is actually 10 percent LARGER than last year.") I would just get whatever I could hide my body in. And since I was usually shopping in Fat and Tall stores, the sleeves were rarely an issue. The stores were used to seeing people with orangutan arms. They accommodate that. No such luck any longer. I guess companies, as they move shirts sizes upward, also move sleeve lengths up. Heather got me a 4XL long-sleeved UCF shirt two years ago for Christmas. If I didn't pull the sleeves up, they would hang past my hands. The same was true for my Apple Store long sleeve shirt - the sleeves hang to my fingertips.
When I ordered some 2XL long sleeve FSU Med School shirts a few months back, the sleeves are about two inches up my arm. When I got measured at Men's Wearhouse in December, they reiterated the fact that I have longer arms than average for my size. I guess I never really noticed because I was too busy worrying about the gigantic gut. Now, though, I realize that my measurements lead to a nightmare of shopping. My inseam is the same as my father-in-law's - who is six-seven inches shorter than me. So I have very short legs. I have a long torso, which means I have to get the next size up shirt - or always shop at a Big/Tall shop. Case in point... At Target, I found some nice long sleeve flannel shirts. (Always have been a sucker for plaid flannel shirts. I think I was supposed to be a lumberjack.) The 2XL shirts have a great sleeve length and are long enough, but they really are too wide. I can button and wear the XL shirts, but they have the bare midriff look that is so hot right now.
So I have broad shoulders, a little bit of a stomach (still, yes), a very long torso, gorilla arms, normal waist, and tiny legs. My measurements don't exactly make things easy. But it certainly is compounded by the inconsistent sizes out there. In the recent past, I have fit into an XLT vest, 2XL shirts, 2XLT shirts, and 3XL shirts (won't buy those, no way). I also have fit into 38/30, 40/30, 42/30, and 46/30 pants. Of course, as they say, it's a nice problem to have. I just wish I knew what size I actually am.
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