Just As You Are

Three cool things happened to me today.  The first was that I weighed finally.  I had intentionally not been weighing because I was trying to prove a point to myself that this was more than just a weight loss campaign.  But I weighed 339.  Now, to some, that may be horrible.  But considering I was 352 in October, and probably more than that after all the Christmas cookies and candy, that is a pretty good number for one week.  I know that it is a temporary drop, since the re-introduction of food will cause me to stop the rapid weight shedding.  But, still, it was good to see a smaller number.

Second, I began to eat some today.  I had a half an apple for breakfast with my juice.  Yay!  Then for lunch we went to Boston Market.  [Just a side note regarding the Market.  If you have kids, be sure to check it out on Sundays.  Right now, they are giving you TWO free kids meals with the purchase of an adult meal.  Our bill today was $14.  Yup.  Steak and Shake also has free kids meals on weekends, but that isn't as good for you.]  So we hit Boston Market and I had part of a turkey kids meal.  By part, I mean about a third of the steamed veggies, half the fruit cup, and about an ounce of turkey.  But, it was awesome.  I feel so much better just having that stuff.  And it hit me that I will be able to do this.  I liked what I had to eat and it was filling.  So maybe the whole concept isn't too impossible.

The last thing was at church this morning.  We were talking in Sunday School about John 21:15-17.  This is one of my favorite passages.  In it, Jesus is hanging out with the Disciples after He has died and rose again.  He pulls Peter aside and asks him three times if he loves Him.  Peter says yes each time.  On the surface, it is weird that Jesus kept asking - matching the number of Peter's denials with Jesus' questions.  But you really have to know Greek to understand the passage.  I've taught this lesson several times after reading about it in Tony Evan's book No More Excuses.  The teacher today took the same approach.

Each question seems the same, but there are subtle differences.  In the first question, Jesus calls Peter by his full given and proper name - almost like a stranger.  Then He asks Peter if he loves Jesus unconditionally more than everyone and everything - something Peter had claimed just days before.  Peter replies that he loves Christ like a friend.  Jesus then tells Peter to feed His lambs - a very narrow and specific job within the Church.  Second, Jesus calls him Simon and again asks him if he loves Jesus unconditionally.  Peter replies that he loves Jesus like a friend.  Jesus then tells Peter to care for his sheep - increasing the responsibility to upkeep of the herd.  The third time, Jesus asks, "Simon do you love me like a brother?"  Peter is hurt this time, because now Jesus was questioning the statement Peter kept making.  Peter says, "Yes, you know I do."  So Jesus tells Peter to feed His sheep - giving Peter the responsibility to bring the food to the flock, which I think was why Peter was the chief spokesman in Acts.

It is a powerful story and can be appreciated on so many levels.  It shows Christ's restoration of Peter.  It shows how there needs to be growth as a Christian.  It also shows Jesus stripping away Peter's blustery claims and revealing his true heart - demanding honesty of Peter.  I love the passage.  Today, though, something else hit me.  We are starting Francis Chan's book Crazy Love in that class.  The book talks about how amazing God's love is for us, and how we take it for granted.  In light of that and the Peter story, it hit me how God loves us unconditionally.  He doesn't ask us to love Him that way before we can come to Him.  Instead, He desires us to honestly come to Him and give Him all we have.  It is like God is saying, "I know you don't love me like I love you, but that's okay.  I would rather have you as a friend than not at all.  I love you that much."

We see this portrayed in movies and television shows - Glee and Hitch are two examples that come to mind.  In those both, the guy knows he loves the girl so much more than she can reciprocate.  But he doesn't care.  He's just glad she loves him at all.  It seems so bizarre that the God of creation feels that way about us.  He wants us like that, and then through our walk with Him, He begins to change us.  We can't stay in that lopsided relationship forever.  Over time, He is going to ask us to begin to give up the things that get in the way.  That friendship has to develop into a passionate relationship with Him.  He does require us to start trying to say we love Him first and foremost.  But it is a long process.

What hit me is just how patient God is with us.  It seems like every five years or so, God asks me to give up something major.  It is something that is getting in the way of my relationship with Him, but it is something that I am unaware is hurting me - or that I am unwilling to actually give up.  It is essential for me to do this.  I may fight it, but I can't move on until I do it.  It isn't always exactly five years, but it is pretty close.

• Age four I accepted Christ.
• Age ten we left the Christian school I was attending.  It had to leave the nice cocoon I was in and start applying what I believed all the time.
• Age fourteen, I had to really decide if I was going to be serious about what I said I believed. I was such a brat at this point, my mom began to question if I was actually saved.  I remember one Sunday night actually making this choice and talking to my youth pastor about it.
• Age twenty I had to decide between Student Government at UCF and the Baptist group.  This ended up being one of the biggest decision of my life, since BCM helped direct me into ministry.
• Age twenty-five, I had to deal with my addiction to movies and my developing issue with pornography.  That led to a six month break from movies, which I documented in this blog post on my other blog.  It also helped lead to the creation of Defender Ministries in 2005.  
• Age thirty-two, I had to deal with my warped view on life.  I documented that here.  It helped me to stop focusing so much on myself and start thinking about those around me.  That helped me be less selfish, angry, judgmental, and calloused.
• Now at age almost thirty-six, I have to deal with my food addiction.  It is finally time.  I have known this, but have fought it.

I am excited and again reminded of just how much my God loves me.  I think about all the things that I have put in front of God.  The stupid and ridiculous wastes of time that we think is so freaking important.  Seriously - movies, comic books, cheeseburgers, some title in a group no one cares about?  These are the things we put in front of Him?  Would you tolerate it if your spouse put all that in front of you?  I wouldn't.  But God takes us, knowing all of this garbage is there.  And He patiently pares away the layers.  That is absolutely amazing to me.