Coffee

One food that is a bit of an unclear area to me is coffee.  I know some people are major big time coffee addicts.  You know the type.  "Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee!"  I am NOT this time of person.  I have never drank very much coffee.  It never was a part of my daily life.  This may seem odd, since I usually gravitate towards addictive and destructive foods.  But, for some reason, I never really got that attached to coffee.  My dad drank it every morning and during the evenings.  But I never did.

The really strange thing is that I love the flavor of coffee.  I adore the smell of coffee.  From when I was a little kid, one of my favorite ice cream types was coffee.  Breyer's coffee ice cream was the epitome of ice cream perfection.  I got waylaid by Ben & Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar Crunch for a while, but eventually went back to Breyer's.  (Until Publix introduced their Barnie's coffee - which was just as good as Breyer's and much less money.)  My mom used to make me coffee chocolate chip cookies.  I ate chocolate covered coffee beans.  I got jamocha shakes at Arby's.  I like mocha truffles.  If you got me something coffee flavored, there was a very good chance that I would like it.

So my lack of addiction to coffee itself is a bit of mystery.  I have tried to figure this out over the years.  I know that I don't like the bitterness that comes with coffee.  I like the flavor, but the bitterness pushed me away.  The only way I could get rid of it was to load it full of milk and sugar.  And that could be why I like coffee flavored things so much - they used the essence of coffee but loaded it with sugar and cream and chocolate.  As I got older and discovered other kinds of coffee, I liked some of them.  Things like cappuccinos, lattes, and mochas were very good - largely due to their cream/sugar content.  But, since I hadn't developed the coffee habit early on, I didn't adopt it later.

Another big problem is the fact that I live in Florida.  It is freaking hot here.  All. The. Time.  I don't find it very pleasant to be sitting in 95 degree heat, suffering through 95% humidity, and then pour boiling hot coffee down my throat.  During the milder winter months, it is a pleasant thing.  I love being out in the evening in December with a hot chocolate or coffee drink.  But, we are talking about a very small percent of the time that this can be pulled off.  It is a niche product.

So, when it comes to my current weight efforts, coffee was a non-player.  Soda?  Oh hecks yeah.  That was a big deal.  But coffee didn't even come into play.  I had to give up coffee ice cream, but can usually find coffee frozen yogurt somewhere if the urge strikes me.

So, why even bother with this post?  Well, it is actually because I have been wondering about adding coffee to my life.  Here's my conflicting thoughts on that idea.  First of all, when I gave up soda, I lost caffeine.  I don't have any caffeine any more.  That is good, I feel.  There is not really a good reason to try to add caffeine into my life now that I have kicked it.  So that has kept me from drinking coffee.  BUT, at the same time, with Gabers going to preschool now, we have to leave earlier and there are times when I am just dead tired.  It would be nice to have a caffeine option on those bad days.  I don't want to get into caffeine hardcore again, because I don't think it is good to do that.  BUT, Heather has said there are no studies that show a little caffeine is bad.  A responsible level of coffee consumption is not harmful.

Second, one of the flavors of the season I love is pumpkin.  Starbucks' pumpkin spice drinks are awesome.  I usually would get the pumpkin cream frappuccino, but those are just glorified milkshakes.  I have tried to stay away from the pumpkin flavored stuff since they usually come packaged in pastries or sugar laden drinks.  BUT, there are some ways to get that flavor profile in a (relatively) harmless manner.  Is that wrong?

The other day, we were driving back from Orlando.  Well, I was driving.  The kids were in the back doing their thing and Heather was studying/napping in the front seat.  I was exhausted from the weekend - driving, sick kids, 2am breathing treatments.  So we stopped at a gas station in Gainesville and I decided to get a coffee.  They had pumpkin spice cappuccinos - so I got one.  It had the steamed milk in it, and I added three splenda.  The smell was heavenly.  And it tasted great - plus it had a little jolt to help me driving the rest of the way.  I had wrestled with my decision to get the drink for literally an hour and a half.  I felt guilty buying it.  For some reason, I just kept thinking I was doing something wrong.  But I analyzed what I actually had in the cup.  It was coffee, some flavoring, milk, and fake sugar.  Where exactly is the problem?  I didn't put whipped cream or caramel or sugar in it.

On Friday, we had a full roster of school activities for all three kids.  But there were gaps between our events.  We had a half hour in between dropping the kids off and Gabe's parade starting.  So we went to Starbucks.  I got a pumpkin spice latte.  I put three splenda in it - although they did unknowingly put whipped cream on it.  It was, again, really good.  I finally came to the place where I decided I wasn't going to feel guilty about drinking it.  It isn't something that I am going to drink all the time.  But it is something that I will drink occasionally, when the opportunity arises.  As the weather gets cooler here, it will be nice to be able to have that drink.  Plus, it gives me a chance to have the flavors of the winter that I really like - pumpkin, peppermint - without eating stuff I shouldn't have.  Now THAT'S a backwards concept for you.  A 36 year old man starting a coffee habit to get healthier.  Ha!

WEEK FORTY: Old Friend, New Sacrifices

Here's the basics.  After forty weeks, I weight 262.  That's a loss of 93 pounds so far.  I am pretty solid as a 38" waist.  My 42s that I bought early on are starting to fall down pretty bad unless they are cinched up with the belt.  When I lost the first chunk of weight at the beginning, I bought a belt at Target.  It has holes all the way around the belt.  My thought was that I would be able to keep this belt through the whole process - as a way to monitor progress and a way to save money.  I started on hole 1 when I bought the belt (this was after going through several holes on my previous belt).  This week I actually buckled the new belt on hole 9.  That would be where I was wearing it if I weren't tucking in my shirt and containing extra fabric on my loose pants.

I haven't been posting much, as I've said the last few months.  There just hasn't been a ton to report.  Things are moving along.  The weight is coming off much slower - only three pounds in the past four weeks.  I really need to start working out to get it going again.  But the thought of that is not too pleasant.  Part of it is that I hate exercise.  Part of it is that my rheumatoid arthritis is getting to be very painful.  Walking is not my friend most of the time.  I am supposed to be starting on some medicine soon for the RA.  Hopefully that will make things easier for me physically.

The doctor's visit I mentioned in my last monthly update finally yielded my blood test results.  Everything looked good - except for the raging rheumatoid factor.  Years ago when I first was diagnosed with RA, one of the things that threw off my treatment was that I had an elevated ALT liver enzyme.  It was "mildly" inflated, but enough that doctors were worried that I had liver damage already - and that the RA treatments would further hurt it.  The liver enzyme could also have been attributed to damage, alcohol (never had any, so that wasn't it), or fatty liver.  The fatty liver could have been genetic or due to obesity.  Turns out that it must have been the obesity.  The number is now 21 - it's dropped like 40 points.  So that allows me to start milder treatments.  Yay!

Last weekend we went down to Orlando.  I had some meetings on Friday and the kids were out of school, so we all went down for the weekend.  It was good to see our old friends down there and hang out with them.  (The kids getting sick wasn't so great.)  Several of these people hadn't seen me since we moved, so the weight loss was pretty startling to them.  So often, I am just doing my thing that I forget just how much has been accomplished.  I don't see the change much because it was so gradual.  I'll see it if I look at old pictures.  But I don't think about it every day.  When you are around people like that, though, it is a real reminder.

The crazy thing is that several people told me they have been reading the blog - and that they actually have started working on their weight.  That is always stunning to me.  After being the human weight gain machine over the last fifteen years, I am never prepared to hear someone is losing weight because of me.  It is pretty humbling to hear that.

This trip was different than most of my trips to Orlando.  I wasn't alone, so I didn't just get to hang out in Mexican places and BBQ joints.  I had to take into account Heather and the kids - and the people we were meeting.  I try to avoid places that have been big sources of failure for me over the years.  But, to other people, those don't have the same stigma.  This trip, it ended up that we went to many of those places I usually avoid.  On the way down, we stopped at Denny's.  In years past, Denny's made me do baaad things.  I loved their cheese sticks.  I usually got chili cheese fries with my meal.  And their breakfasts were always a huge problem for me.  Thank God I already developed the egg allergy ten years ago or who knows how many Grand Slams I would have devoured.  This time, I was able to find a pretty good option: bbq chicken breast with vegetable rice pilaf and corn.  It was tasty and very good for my efforts.

The hotel provided breakfast.  This means that it has tons of stuff I can't have: donuts, cereal, yogurt with aspartame, bagels, muffins, danishes.  I didn't get to go by Publix on our way in since we arrived so late, so my breakfast was just some nuts.  Lunch we ended up going to Macaroni Grill - a minefield what with all the pasta and cheese running through the place.  But my kids love the place, so we went there.  (And someone else was paying, so who was I to complain?)  I was able to find their grillers menu items and had Italian sausage with roasted veggies and some marinara sauce.  For dinner, friends of ours invited us join them at Mimi's and use their coupons for free kids meals.  If you haven't been to Mimi's, well I'm sorry for you.  That was one of those places I loved going - their food was incredible.  BUT most of it was sooo bad for me.  They bring out fresh bread to every table - including unbelievable pumpkin and carrot bread.  I decided to be a little more lenient there and had fried pickles with my meatloaf, veggies, and brown rice.  (I ate too many pickles - the next day my fingers were so swollen I couldn't get my ring off.)

On Saturday, we had a birthday party to attend.  My dear friends, the Sharps, were throwing the bash for their three year old.  They were very sensitive to me, so they had chicken breast and fruit for me to eat.  I just had to steer clear of the cake and sugar cookies and cheeseburgers.  For lunch, the ultimate struggle appeared.  We had gone out to Downtown Disney - one of our favorite places to go when we lived in Orlando.  You get a taste of Disney without paying admission - and they have a Lego store!  Well, dinner time rolled around and we decided to go to Pizzeria Uno.  You got to understand something - the only way this place would be harder for me would be if they served donuts.  It is one of the biggest sources of failure in my life.  In my last serious weight loss effort, my birthday lunch at Uno began the destruction of my diet.  So for me to go was tough.  The added problem was that this Uno has jacked up prices due to its proximity to Disney (on top of their already jacked up normal prices).

I looked all over the menu.  Avoid the pizza pages.  Avoid the pasta pages.  Avoid the appetizers and sandwiches.  There wasn't much.  And my usual bailout foods were ridiculously priced.  The chili was $6.29 for A CUP!!!  I was getting frazzled and did the only thing I could do.  I ordered nothing.  I couldn't find an option and just didn't order.  Then I watched my kids and wife eat my favorite pizza in the universe.  I was starving, but it wasn't worth messing up or paying exorbitant prices for something I didn't want.  I have had to resort to this before.  Just the week before at the Corn Maze we went to, I had to go without lunch because they didn't have anything I could eat.

This time, it was painful, but it was the right thing to do.  On the way back to the hotel, I drove by a Del Taco and got two "Big Fat Chicken Tacos" and ate those at the hotel.  I just dumped the innards onto a plate and ate them.  Turns out, the next day after church, we joined several friends at a different Del Taco.  I got the same thing and added a bowl of refried beans.  [Side Note: I wish their was a Del Taco in Tallahassee.  Their food is really good, really cheap, and an AWESOME option for me on the run.]

I know this post isn't that deep or thoughtful.  It is just some of how my life has changed.  Things have gone well enough that I just don't think about things most of the time.  But there are those times when I have to really make hard choices to do things right.  In years past, I never would have done that.  I would have justified making a bad choice.  There is no way I would have sat there at Uno and eaten nothing.  But I can't afford to make that mistake any more.  I know that now.  I just can't buckle.  And that is the mindset I have to have coming up here for the holidays.  This is a tough time of year - very easy to mess up.  There is the Halloween candy, the Thanksgiving pies and sides, the Christmas cookies and baked treats.  It is a good thing I've had to strengthen my resolve now.  I really want to lose 100 pounds by the end of the year.  It is going to take that kind of commitment.

PS - I posted a new picture of me now.  Thanks to Rich Blann for the shoot.

BBQ

I haven't been very active posting on this site for a little while.  It is NOT because I'm doing anything wrong.  The real reason is because the whole process has become very routine to me.  I haven't had a whole lot to document.  But I know that this has become a source of inspiration or strength or diversion (or ridicule) to many of you.  So I wanted to still toss some stuff up.

Today, I wanted to write about why I love Bar-B-Que.  As I've mentioned several times in this blog, BBQ has been one of my saving graces through this whole process.  It is a great resource to me.  I can get meat, beans, and usually a vegetable.  I don't have to worry about bread or breading or cheese.  It is an easy, no-thought option.  Plus, I have always loved BBQ.  It was something that I ate even when I was eating like I wanted to be classified as a Ticonderoga Class battleship.  One of the fun things about traveling in the South for Defender events was trying different BBQ joints.

Over the past nine months, it has been at hard at times seeing so many of the things I used to love being lumped in the "NO WAY BUDDY" category.  Each season brings its own list of items that I used to enjoy that I no longer can.  Apple pie, cheeseburger on the grill, pizza on Friday nights, pumpkin pies, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin donuts, and soon Christmas cookies.  So I take some comfort in being able to still partake of something from back then.

Take yesterday, for example.  We were out at a giant corn maze in Hilliard, Florida.  They had food booths - and both of them had BBQ options.  But, they also had ridonkulously long lines.  All that was available that didn't involve a thirty minute wait was homemade ice cream and boiled peanuts.  I can't have either of those things, so I wasn't able to eat at the event.  I'm used to that kind of difficulty at events.  On the way back home, we found Jack Stack's Smokehouse in Baldwin.  It was one of those places that - if it was a deli or diner - a normal person would never risk eating at.  But, in the world of BBQ, that is the sign of a good place.  One of the best BBQ places I ever ate at was in Spartanburg, SC.  I swear, they should have given out tetanus shots complimentary after your meal.  There was a place down in West Palm Beach when I was growing up that had this for its motto: "Best BBQ in a place that isn't condemned."

Jack Stack was awesome.  I don't just get turkey and green beans - although at this place that would have been a good option.  Their turkey was incredible.  I had pork, sausage, baked beans, sweet potato fries, and fried pickles.  True, it was not "healthy" according to diet books.  But for me, it was great.  I don't eat BBQ all the time.  So, when I do, I can be a little lenient without wrecking everything.  If I do eat something that isn't perfectly right, at least it errs in a mild way.  I don't eat cheese or sugary stuff.  I don't scarf down breads or lots of starch.

BBQ also quenches my enjoyment of discovering new places.  I can compare the different restaurants, sauces, rubs, cooking techniques.  And it also is something that eventually I can try at home.  I don't have a grill right now because we live in a little apartment with a ridiculous "no huge open fires on the back screen porch" rule.  But I have started working on some of the techniques when I have a chance.  At my in-laws' house I use their grill and have learned how to cook chicken, sausage, and red meat really well.  I also make pulled pork in my oven.  Admittedly, it is a poor replacement for real pulled pork.  But it works for right now.

Every person is different.  And there are hundreds of different approaches to weight loss.  I have said all along that my way is not the only way - or the best way.  The best way is what works for each person.  For me, this has been a great approach.  I have lost a lot of weight and cleaned up my act.  And I still am able to have foods I really enjoy.  One of those is BBQ.  It is a "guilty pleasure" without doing anything wrong.  It gives me an outlet when I don't have other options.  And it brings enough variety to keep it from being dull.  Good stuff.

WEEK THIRTY-SIX: What's Up Doc

First of all, let's dispense with the regular updates that I know everyone is craving for.  Today I weighed 265.  Friday it was 264, but this was Gabe's birthday weekend.  So, I had a few too many meatballs at the party.  That means I've lost 90 pounds (or 91).  I bought some new pants the other day - they were all 38" long pants.  But I have gotten into 36" shorts.  Trying to gauge actual waist size by using Old Navy is pretty stupid.  None of their pants are consistent.  Even different colors of the same pants run differently.

The food efforts continue to go very well.  This past month I endured two birthdays.  That means I had to ignore cake multiple times - three to be exact, since Gabe actually had two cakes.  And I had to reject birthday muffins once and birthday donuts twice.  Today, we actually have a half a cake in our house, along with bags of rolls, and bags of chips.  These are all left from Gabe's party yesterday.  I really don't even want to mess with those things.

My food does get boring at times.  Eating the same rotation of foods gets a big monotonous.  The biggest challenge, I think, has been the eating out one.  Heather's schedule this semester has been awful, to say the least.  Plus the kids started gymnastics back up.  This time, their classes are in the evening - which wrecks havoc with dinner.  The big problem is that fast food is just not an option.  It becomes very difficult to find a quick place on the run.  So we usually have to pick between a small set of choices.  (Boston Market wins frequently.)

I have been experimenting with pumpkin options - trying to find something that I can have this fall.  So far, we tried pumpkin oatmeal.  It was phenomenal.  But I don't want to have that too often, due to the insane carb total.  I also made a pumpkin chicken chili the other day.  It was super and even the kids devoured it.  Big problem, though, was that it was pretty bad warmed up.  I'd never had a chili that did not reheat well.  It's weird - the pumpkin butternut squash soup I made last Spring had the same problem.  It was horrible reheated.  I wonder if that is common with pumpkin soups.  I tried to make my own pumpkin yogurt - but it was horrific.  My guess was that it was a no go, until I found out one of the yogurt shops in town has that flavor and it rocks.  I guess it was just my version that was terrible.

The big event from this past month is that I went to the doctor last Friday for a physical.  I hate going to doctors.  Over the years, I have been treated by some of the biggest morons to bribe someone into getting a med school degree.  I had one guy who accused me of creating an illness for attention - when I was in middle school.  When my mom and I figured out that the problem was my inability to break down Aspartame (Nutrasweet), he refused to believe it was the real reason.  "There is no evidence that people have trouble with that.  But I'm glad you found something that helped you to make yourself feel better."  He was a gem.

When my rheumatoid arthritis was first flaring up, I went to a doctor in Jacksonville.  He didn't do any of the tests to determine if it was RA.  Instead, he told me it was my weight that was causing all of the pain.  I was confused how my weight made my hands hurt so bad - maybe lifting the fork was the issue.  The weight card was a common tool by doctors throughout my life.  In Orlando, one of my doctors was bigger than me - significantly bigger - and he used to lecture me every visit about my needing to slim down.  It was kind of hard to take him seriously.

After all of the ridicule I received for my weight, it got to be that I hated to go to the doctor.  I hated the usual routine.  They would see me come in, and then try to work the weight into the diagnosis.  "Well, it appears you have an egg allergy.  Maybe if you weren't so fat.  Avoid eggs."  Or it would be, "I am aware you fell down wet stairs and sprained your knee and ankle.  If you weren't so fat, it would be better.  Here are crutches.  I hope they don't buckle under your bulk."  It was an easy out for physicians. And I constantly felt judged.  So, I just started avoiding doctors unless I could not help it.

Last November I got the Andarian Death Flu - at least that is what it felt like.  That is something you have to see a doctor about.  I would go if I hurt myself badly, or contracted some horrendous respiratory issue.  Even when I was in obvious severe discomfort - like with the RA or Acid Reflux or back pain - my wife had to force me to go.  Yearly physicals?  You have to be crazy.  There was no way.

As I recently posted on the other blog, my RA is flaring up again.  So I need to begin some kind of treatment.  That means I have to see some kind of doctor.  I finally relented and made an appointment with one of the professors at the FSU Med School that Heather has become friends with.  One of my biggest fears had been going to a new doctor and having them lecture me on my weight - after I had come so far.  That was why I picked someone who knew what I had done.  It was a strange feeling, to be in a doctor's office knowing that I actually was doing something right about my weight.  Usually I'm so ashamed and embarrassed that I want to hide under the table.

The nurse took my vitals.  Their stupid scale was higher than ours.  [Why is it that all doctor's scales are wrong?  Shouldn't they be the ones that are always right?  Isn't there some way to make a scale that is always right - like the atomic clock?]  While she was taking my records, I asked what I had weighed last year when I was there.  "Um, it says here 350."  She went back to typing for a second, and then her head popped up and she looked at the computer again.  I knew that she had done the math in her head.  "Oh my gosh.  That's amazing."  Then she gave me five.  I was probably stupid for being so happy about that.  But a medical professional had actually been impressed with the weight loss.  She said that what I had done was incredible.  Later she asked what I had been doing, and she was very complimentary of my process.  According to their records, I had lost 79 pounds.  That was impressive enough, even thought it was wrong.  The last time I weighed there I was being devoured by alien flu germs and dropping weight - and I exploded over the holidays into new realms of fatness.

When the doctor came in, we talked about the medical history and stuff.  Then she asked about the weight loss - to get the numbers.  I told her about the stupid scale at the office.  She said they go by our scales at home.  We've been tracking the whole process, so we know exactly what has been happening.  Multiple times she encouraged me.  When the issue of exercise came up, it wasn't with a "you haven't done enough, here's what you need to do" attitude.  It was merely as a suggestion for how to strengthen my spinal column to fight the RA.  It felt good to actually be in a place where my efforts were praised by a doctor.  It had been a long time since I felt good at an appointment.

So much of this is mental - I've made that clear over the last eight months.  We convince ourselves that we are fat.  This is reinforced by other people, by the mirror, by media and entertainment sources, by doctors.  So we get into this spiral we can't get out of.  It feels hopeless.  And, unfortunately, many doctors feed this instead of offering hope.  They offer judgement and disdain.  They know that we are hurting our bodies.  They know the facts about how bad obesity is for a person.  But they want us to know that too - and they try to scare us into changing.  They don't take into account the fact that every hour of every day, we already are beating ourselves up and scaring ourselves.  The only way we can function is to tune out those inner hateful voices and just ignore the problem.  So we act like we don't care.  We joke about it.  Then a doctor comes along and thinks we are just another lazy stupid fat turd that is killing ourself.  They think we don't care - not realizing that we care so much that we can't function.  And it just becomes another reinforcement of the belief that we are useless because we are fat.

I'm not sure what the option is.  Part of me believes that until some of these older, less caring doctors leave the business things won't change.  I am glad for schools like FSU that emphasize training their students in really CARING for people.  And I am not blaming doctors - they are trying to give someone as much information as they can in a short period of time.  Taking care of my body is my responsibility - no one else's.  I just know how amazing it was to have an encouraging appointment - like teammates cheering me on.  It made me more resolved.  Mentally, it was a boost.  And in this mental battle, that is the best kind of help someone can offer.

Retreat and Advance

RETREAT
This past weekend, I was leading the high school retreat for International Community School - the school I worked at before we moved from Orlando.  It was an honor to be asked to serve in the role of camp speaker.  We've done tons of Defender events over the years.  But this was the first time I had been a camp pastor.  There was a lot of stress involved in preparing for it - mostly putting too much pressure on myself to make things perfect.  It turned out to be an amazing weekend.  I got to see my old students and spend time catching up with them.  And I also had plenty of time to interact with my friends there - both fellow teachers and parents.  Plus, as an added benefit, I actually got some quiet time (as documented on my other blog).

Honestly, the thing I stressed about the most once into the event was the food.  When I travel, I have learned how to make things work.  I bring nuts and water for in the car.  I time my trips so that I can eat meals at places that will work.  And I have a list of "go to" entrees when we do stop.  This time, though, I was at the mercy of other people.  I couldn't run to the store or drive down to the local bbq place to get what I needed.  We were at a retreat center - and at the mercy of the camp cafeteria.  That is a scary prospect even when you have NO dietary restrictions.  I've been at retreat centers all over the place and experienced some truly awful food.  So, I braced for the worst.

Before we even left the school, the first obstacle was encountered - lunch there was pizza.  Gooooo.  I ended up stopping with my carful of students at Chick Fil A on my way out of town to grab two grilled chicken fillets and a yogurt.  [Side Note: While I appreciate the fact that CFA offers this option, it is ridiculous that it costs NINE BUCKS for that meal.  That's right.  NINE!  For two grilled chicken patties and a yogurt with a strawberry in it.  This is why America is fat.  It is cheaper to be.]  The next three meals, though, would all be on the retreat grounds.

First came dinner.  I had been worrying for hours about this.  I asked what was for dinner and got, "Spaghetti and meatballs.  Or you can have alfredo sauce."  Dang.  I had figured I would be living on the salad bar all weekend.  When we got to the buffet, though, I was pleased to see that all the menu items were in separate chafing dishes.  So I was able to get a plate of just meatballs with sauce and broccoli.  Then I fixed a salad.  They even had raisins, dried cranberries, and sunflower seeds on the salad bar!

I didn't have my usual frozen yogurt dessert, so I just had to eat some nuts instead.  The kids all made s'mores at the campfire.  I, naturally, had to decline.  For breakfast, I again was stressing.  This is my most regimented meal.  I just have a container of Greek yogurt and that's it.  The buffet was loaded with sausage and biscuits.  But, over on the salad bar, there was a huge container of vanilla yogurt.  There also was granola, strawberries, and pineapple.  So I was able to make a good breakfast.  Lunch was the last hurdle.  They went with an old standby: tacos.  DOH!  But, again, they had everything split up.  I was able to bypass the tortillas and lay down a bed of romaine lettuce.  Then I scooped taco meat, refried beans, and salsa on top.  Instant taco salad.

I was really pleased with the whole food experience.  The food was really good, too.  And it seemed like the camp was very sensitive to the needs of its attenders.  I must throw out some props to Warren Willis Camp outside of Leesburg.  It is a really beautiful facility and it is very well run.  And they actually make an effort to provide good meal options - something that most camps neglect in favor of saving money.

ADVANCE
While at the camp, I had a lot of comments about my weight.  Some of these people haven't seen me since we moved.  They would ask what I had done, and then seem quite surprised that I had lost so much just by changing my diet.  To date, that really is all I've done.  There was maybe a month where I used the Wii Fit each night.  But for most of the last eight months, this has all been diet related.  I guess I had not realized how strange that was.

I have actually been pretty stubborn about keeping it all diet related.  I don't know why, but I wanted to get to 100 pounds lost without exercise.  There isn't a good reason.  But I was aiming for that.  Really, I figured I would ride the diet option as far as I could, until it bottomed out and I plateaued.  It looked like that would be around 255 - which would be the 100 pound mark.  However, this past month it is pretty apparent that I am not making much progress.  So far, I have only lost three pounds in the last three weeks.  I bounce around a lot at 267 or 268.  I'm not going to get much further without some sort of exercise - and I am NOT done yet.

I'm one of those people that goes as far as I can on one track before switching.  When I am running low on gas on a trip, I stupidly keep driving.  "I can make it to the next exit."  I'll pas gas stations if they are on the left side of the road or if they don't have a nice enough appearance or if I think I can save a few pennies later.  It really is a stupid habit.  That is the same way I have been approaching the diet.  I keep on driving down the diet change road and don't want to switch to the exercise one.

I hate exercising.  I hate getting hot and sweaty.  I hate having to come up with time to do it.  The thought of having a nicer body is nice.  But I sure don't want to do anything to get there.  I really don't even know where to begin.  I have absolutely no understanding of weight machines or the right process to muscle building.  And, frankly, I don't want to learn.  But, for me to see this through to the end, I am going to have to start exercising and working out.

I also need to do that for my body's sake.  My back problems are not going to be fixed without strengthening the muscles.  My rheumatoid arthritis is going to rob me of mobility and strength if I don't fight.  So, the time has come to move forward.  I must start exercising and working out.  I will start small.  Walking.  Using the Wii Fit again.  I hope that will kick start the weight loss again.  It's time to switch roads.

Awww Nuts

One of the most interesting side effects of this whole food thing has been how my tastes have changed.  I have been trying to document that a little bit in some of these posts.  I am amazed how there are food that I used to avoid that I eat now.  And then there are tons of foods I adored that I completely avoid - some due to the addiction stuff, some for other reasons.  One of the strangest examples has been nuts.  Literally - nuts.

I used to think that nuts were just about useless.  Sure, peanuts were useful once in a while - for peanut butter, or to cram into a Snickers.  But in general nuts were just something to ruin a good brownie or cookie.  One of the most disappointing things was when someone gave me a can of chocolate chip cookies or brownies.  Only when I went to bite into one, it was littered with walnuts or some other crunchy teeth cracker.  There were so many potentially great desserts that got ruined by a chef with a nut fetish.  I remember that Ben & Jerry's had this problem frequently.  Their Chunky Monkey ice cream had so much potential.  It was banana ice cream with fudge swirls and chocolate chunks - and freaking walnuts.  Then they actually came out with a flavor called Totally Nuts and another called Rainforest Crunch.  Since I was a pathetic loser and was trying to eat all of their flavors, I tried both of them.  Crammed with nuts.  Why would you ruin a good ice cream like that?

There was a brief flirtation with almonds when I was younger.  Blue Diamond put out these smaller cans of different almond flavors - smokehouse, bbq, stuff like that.  And I got those for a while.  But eventually I got burned out on them.  Later on I discovered macadamia nuts and was quite fond of those.  From time to time I would get a jar of them.  But they were far from something I really wanted too often - something my mother found out when she had the nerve to get me chocolate covered ones instead of cordial cherries one year for Christmas.  In short, nuts were useless to me.

• I'd eat them in a Snickers - but I far preferred Milky Way.
• I never got them on or in ice cream, in cookies, or in brownies.  If I got one of those things with nuts, I would pick them out.  
• The only way I would have chocolate with nuts in it was if all the good flavors were gone.  Like when a bag of Hershey's minis was out of Special Dark and Krackel and all that was left was Mr. Goodbar.
• I ate peanut butter - but not the crunchy stuff.
• I would eat pecan pie if there was nothing else to pick.
• Plain nuts were for airplanes and that's it.

Fast forward to today.  Through necessity, I started eating nuts as a snack or a topping for salads and/or dessert.  At first it was peanuts, since they were the least traumatizing.  But once I started having weird issues with peanuts, I started to switch to almonds and cashews.  Now, I go to Sam's and get a big container of Planter's Cashews and go through it in about three weeks.  This last time, I also got a container of deluxe mixed nuts.  It came with cashews, almonds, brazil nuts, filberts, and (gasp) pecans.  The mix is awesome.  At first, it was something I had to do - I really didn't have a lot of options.  But now, I really do like them. 

I have no idea what caused the taste change.  I suspect necessity helped.  But I really enjoy them.  Pecans were always my second least favorite nut - right before walnuts.  (Man, I hate walnuts.)  Now, though, pecans are one of my favorites in the mix.  They have a totally different texture than they other harder nuts.  They are less dense.  Cashews have rapidly become my favorite - even though I hated those most of my life.  And it isn't like I'm relying on macadamia nuts or flavored nuts.  They are just roasted and with sea salt.  (I ate the plain kind at the beginning when I was avoiding a lot of salt - but now I stick with the salted ones.  They are lots cheaper.)  

It certainly has been interesting.  And it has actually pushed me to explore some of the other foods on my hit list.  I detested sweet potatoes.  Now, I rarely eat potatoes.  But when I do, it usually is some kind of sweet potato concoction.  I have ridiculed avocados for years.  But now I realize I was just eating them wrong.  They are much better hot.  (Although Heather would disagree.)  Not only have I not been saying "no guacamole" on my food - I actually ordered it on purpose the other day!  It is a strange turn of events for me.  I've been so taken aback by this change, I even have considered trying . . . (wait for it) . . . mushrooms.  Then again, maybe that is too far.

Toss the Salad

Anyone who has spent much time with me over the years will not be surprised by this statement.  I don't have much use for salads.  I know they are the meal of choice for many dieters.  But, even when I was on relatively successful diets - like Weight Watchers - I never cared for salads.  This is something I was thinking about because I had salads the last two days at lunch.  Both times, I left the meal feeling unsatisfied and a little frustrated.  This resentment of salads has existed for a long time.  Originally it was based on the fact I wanted to eat more destructive foods.  (And I had a bizarre inability to process lettuce.  It gave me some of the worst indigestion I would get.  But that has gone away.)  Now, though, I still don't care for them.

1. They are not filling.  Unless you are getting one of those salads that have no nutritional value at all - the ones that have quesadillas and sweet and sour chicken on them - most salads you get are horribly unsatisfying.  You may get this huge bowl, full of lots of green stuff.  You may even walk away full, thanks to the quantity of food.  But it burns off so quickly it is almost a joke.
2. The toppings are a minefield.  The standard salad now comes loaded with cheese and croutons and other stuff.  But they skimp on the good stuff.  The one I got today, for example, had four cherry tomatoes and two slices of cucumber.  If I hadn't spent and extra three bucks for chicken, it would have been a disaster.  Ordinarily, people wouldn't notice the dearth of toppings due to the avalanche of cheese and croutons - but I don't get that on mine.
3. Their health claims are dubious.  By the time they get to taste great, they have been slathered with dressing and all other stuff.  Sure, you can make a great salad.  But what do you have to add to do that?  Oriental noodles, bacon, eggs, cheese, chili, sour cream, dressing.  How healthy is that, actually?  Take a chef salad - by the time you load it up with everything, it isn't much of a health food.
4. The meat on top is often wimpy.  Three bucks for a chicken patty.  It was probably four ounces of chicken.  That is pretty standard at most places.  If they put chicken or mahi mahi or shrimp on a salad, it is a dinky amount.   That is in stark contrast to the fact they'll cram a bag of lettuce into a bowl for these things.  There have places I got salads where I actually ate the top layer of toppings and lettuce and left half the rabbit food in the bowl.

Now, admittedly, there are some places that offer great salad.  Steak and Shake actually had one that was amazing.  It had chicken and fruit and all that.  I like dried fruit, apples, oranges, nuts on my salad.  So places that have something like a harvest salad with all that stuff is great.  But they often still rely on some of the cheaper and easier ingredients.  I tried Wendy's salad the other day with pecans, chicken, apples, cranberries (without the bleu cheese).  They had a ton of dried cranberries in the bowl.  They were everywhere.  But the bag of pecans they gave me was pitiful - as were the apples.  And the chicken breast was predictably tiny.  McAllister's Deli has some great salads - they are always well proportioned in their toppings, dressing, lettuce.  Plus you can do the whole "Pick Two" option and pair it with a big cup of soup or chili.  

I have found that salads are actually a terrible option for me.  I am always hungry afterwards, which then puts me in the place where I have to fight the urge to snack all afternoon.  Today was no exception.  I had a big peach, a banana, cashews, mixed nuts, and then another half banana.  The salad doesn't stick with me very long.  It almost seems like the lettuce just vaporizes and I'm left with whatever was on top - which in many cases is not much.  There are times where I get a salad because it is just easier than trying to find something on a menu.  That was the case at Wendy's.  But I would far prefer to eat soup than salad at a meal.  Thankfully a lot of places are offering a soup and salad option.  Chili's, Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Jason's Deli.  The first three have all you can eat of both, so you can fill up on the heartier soups.  (Boston Market just bypassed the salad route all together and do all you can eat soup - for three bucks.  Heck yeah.)

I'm sure a ton of people love salad and have benefitted from eating them.  And I have found them useful over the years.  I just don't think they are actually that great.