One kind of unexpected side effect of this whole food battle is the impact it has had on our kids. Weight is not something you can hide, so my kids were very aware of my size. They knew that I was fat - they even told me so. They weren't trying to be mean. But to them, it was pretty cut and dry. When I started this, I had to explain what was going on. It would have been too tough to hide things. They saw me doing the juice fast and wanted to know why Daddy wasn't eating. They wanted to know why I couldn't eat pizza with them. And I have my progress charted on a white board - so they see that all the time.
I have tried to explain to them about it all. It is a tough balancing act. I want them to be careful with their food choices. But, at the same time, I don't want them to hold themselves to some unrealistic body image. The fact of the matter is that God made everyone different. And I believe that some people are just going to be bigger. I doubt I will ever be a "skinny guy." I have a big bone structure. I am taller and broad. I will always have to shop in a Big Man's section, just because of the length of my torso. And I am okay with that - now. I don't want my kids to see themselves as something less than good because they don't fit into a society-ordained body shape.
With the battle over childhood obesity raging, kids are confronted with messages about weight and body image in mainstream media. It is a very important issue. I can't imagine how obese I would have been as a kid if I was growing up today. It was bad enough then, without the constant presence of Kids Meals and soda and processed food. My kids are just like your kids - they love those things. The first restaurant out of their mouth is McDonald's. Even the youngest one - not even three years old - can spot the Golden Arches from a mile away. They are suckers for desserts. They beg for Kids Cuisine and Lunchables. The older two would drink soda every meal.
On the flip side, how does a parent make kids aware of their food decisions and body without giving them a complex or making them hyper-sensitive of their weight. The last thing I want to do is give them an eating disorder (anorexia) trying to stop them from having an eating disorder (gluttony). My daughter is getting into gymnastics. She has been bumped up into a more advanced class to prepare them for team gymnastics. And she is loving it. My wife showed her the old movie Nadia about Olympic gymnast Nadia Comaneci. The girl would watch that every day. Except we won't let her. Several of the scenes talk about how Nadia started "getting fat" and how she "ate bad." Between the movie and watching me, my daughter started to stress about getting fat. We finally sat down with her and talked to her about the weight/eating thing. We told her that she can make healthy choices, stay active, and do her best. But she doesn't need to go down that road. She's six. Six year olds don't need to have that stress in their lives.
So, I have had to walk a tough road - knowing how much to project onto the kids in this weight loss and food change effort. Obviously, there are going to be some major changes in our home - since I won't be introducing problematic foods any more. I would guess I was responsible for 95% of the bad foods coming into our lives. The kids have had to get used to a different menu of foods. We don't have cookies or brownies or cake or ice cream. Mini rice cakes and frozen yogurt have taken those spots. We don't have Italian food or casseroles or pasta any more. We have changed our restaurant choices. They get told "no" a lot at the store when they beg for stuff. They have gotten used to this concept.
But, at the same times, they are still kids. I don't want to take away McDonald's forever - aren't McNuggets a rite of passage? I think Friday Night Pizza and Movie Night is still something worth having at our house. I still want them to have candy at the movie theater and chocolate Mini Wheats and the occasional Pop Tart. And I still think the very infrequent donut surprise is worthwhile. Let's face it - you can't escape childhood without hot dogs or mac and cheese. I just don't want those things to be the sum total of their food intake.
This is completely new ground for me. I have NEVER been the health conscious parent. I used to ridicule the snack box lists at our kids' preschool. Everything had to be healthy. It was crazy. Even this past year, Natalie couldn't bring cupcakes for her birthday. We had to bring blueberry muffins. Seriously? Muffins!?! [Ignoring for a moment Jim Gaffigan's assertion that muffins are just bald cupcakes.] Now, though, I have to be careful for myself - and I have to be careful with them and for them. I can see some of the same bad habits in my kids as in myself. I see their draw to fatty, greasy, fried, sugary foods. They also would be glad to just sit and watch tv and play video games. That combination should be adding up to fat kids. (Praise God for my in-laws' genetic disposition to svelteness.)
I have sat my older two kids down to explain the situation to them. Honesty was key - but not in a way that would make them feel bad about their own bodies. "Daddy made a lot of mistakes with food. He liked to eat the things that were bad for him and he did NOT eat the things that were good for him. He did this for a long time. And there are consequences to our choices. So Daddy got very fat. It made it hard for him to play with you and to feel good. So now he has to change the way he is eating. There are some foods he cannot eat. That does not mean those foods are bad for everyone - it means that he cannot be in control when he eats them. The key is to learn to be careful about the foods we eat. We need to eat more of the food that are good for us. And we need to let those other food be for special times - something we control and don't have all the time."
They seem to understand and have jumped on board. There are times where I point out something about food - especially when I tell them "no" at the grocery store. I explain why frozen yogurt is better than ice cream. We try to find healthier foods they like. I force them to exercise - all of them are enrolled in gymnastics. Their tv, computer, and video game usage has time limits. We discuss this stuff. And I stress the importance of establishing good habits now so that it will be easier later for them.
Overall, I think one of the harder elements about this whole effort has been the reversal of direction with my family. I was leading them all down into the destruction of obesity. Now, I have had to completely change how I am doing things - and how we are doing things. I am the main food preparer, so I am the one who is going to control what is served. It hasn't been easy to totally alter the way we eat - the kids have wanted to be supportive. But there are times they don't like the changes. They miss certain things. There are times when I feel very bad about the example I set for them for so many years. It is tough for a parent to stand there and say, "I was wrong. Ignore everything I showed you and did for the last x number of years. This is the right way, now." But I figure that is an even better example - a grown up who is not afraid to admit their mistakes and try to do things right. I hope they learn the lessons well.
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