Six months ago yesterday I decided to change my life. On January 18, 2010 I sent a letter out to my friends to seek their prayer and help in completely altering how I viewed food. I had no idea how things would go - how effective it would be. I was scared. And I was doubtful. Too many times I had tried to do things right. And every time I had ultimately failed.
But this time, things were different. I didn't try to fit my warped approach to food into a weight loss scheme. I actually changed what I ate - and there was success. Last Monday, I weighed 276. That was a loss of 79 pounds. I was thinner than I have been in over a decade. While at times it was difficult, the new approach to food had been pretty easy to adopt. I was happy.
This past week, though, I have experienced my first sustained setbacks. I didn't cheat and go back to eating my restricted foods. I can honestly say that I have not done that - I haven't cheated even one time. But things have gotten hard. And to top it all off, I had gained FIVE POUNDS since last Monday. I am back up over the 280 barrier again! How could things unravel so badly? I need to figure it out before things get out of hand. From what I can tell, several unrelated things happened this past week that have tripped me up.
1. BOREDOM
I think most people can understand getting bored with their food options. Even when I was eating like a lunatic last summer, I still got bored by the constant routine of burgers and pizza. Now, though, I am functioning with a MUCH smaller pool of options. No matter how good it is, it gets kind of boring eating the same few things all the time. When I am making dinner, there is not a ton of variety. London Broil, chicken breast, pulled pork, chili, sometimes fish. I can mix up the vegetables with it. But I still am only eating brown or wild rices. So I can't mix in potatoes or pasta. That makes things seem really repetitive. Eating out isn't much different. BBQ, Fajita, chicken breasts. Ho hum. If I can get soup, I'll toss that it sometimes. Once in a while salad (I still am NOT a salad fan). But it just gets old after weeks of the same stuff. [The weird thing is that breakfast is not hitting the boredom problem - even though I literally eat yogurt every day. I think the fact that I have changed up brands and flavors so many times has helped.] It is almost like I have started feeling trapped in my new approach. That is a huge change from the joy and freedom I have felt for months. I don't like that feeling.
2. SUMMER & KIDS
I love my kids. I really do. And I love spending time with them. I don't resent being the one at home during the day. But, the fact is that summer time around our place is not always a great thing. I have documented this over on my other blog. Our kids need structure - that is why they love school. This past week has been pretty bad. For some reason, the kids have been pretty uncooperative. My fuse has been very short. It has been a struggle to make it through the day. And Heather's schedule last week had her getting home later than usual. I was running on fumes by the time she got here. So creative dinner plans were not happening. There was a lot of "throwing things together." Or we would go out somewhere just to get out of the house. Either way, it was not very successful.
3. DINNER/LUNCH CONUNDRUM
Through this whole process, lunch has been the one meal I never have completely gotten a handle on. Breakfast I eat yogurt. Dinner I usually make something. Lunch ends up being leftovers. I will normally make a larger piece of meat for dinner to give me leftovers for the week. That extra meat will then go onto a salad or into a skillet meal. Or I'll make a big pot of chili or soup and save the rest. So, when I have trouble getting dinners together - or I am just throwing things together - then I don't have any leftovers for lunch. So that leaves me with a problem for two meals. The dinner issue hurts my lunch efforts.
4. PEANUT REPLACEMENT ISSUE
This has been going on for a few weeks, but I guess I never realized just how bad losing peanuts threw me off. Dessert was an easy thing - peanut butter and banana. Snacks were easy - just grab some peanuts or a bag of trail mix. Now, though, that is all gone. No more melted peanut butter. No more peanut butter yogurt dip. And do you know how hard it is to find trail mix without peanuts? So I have switched to cashews and frozen yogurt. Both of them are fine. But both of them are dangerous. Too much of either of those, and I am in trouble. It is amazing how fast the calories will add up on even good foods. Take yogurt covered raisins. I have had them a few times lately. They seem like a better option than candy. But the calories in them add up FAST. I have been taking them to movies with me - figuring they are a healthier option. But I don't think they actually helped that much.
5. FRUSTRATION
You want to know what I hate? I work hard to eat right, give up all kinds of stuff, create a whole new way to do things. I forego things like cake and cookies. They will sit there in the kitchen and I won't touch them. I'll eat cashews or trail mix. And then, I gain weight if I eat too many cashews or trail mix. That irritates me. I know that nuts have a lot of calories. But I am trying to avoid the addictive foods that seem to be all around me. So I find a replacement - and it makes me gain weight. I would have probably been better off weight-wise eating a piece of cake. But that would open a door I don't want open again. That is where my two pronged approach to food actually hurts me. I am trying to deal with addiction first and foremost. The weight loss is important, but it is secondary. So there are times where - to keep the addictions at bay - I have to make a choice that will hurt the weight loss. That is frustrating to me. It is VERY frustrating to me that I can work so hard, struggle through a week last week, keep on track with my food - and then still gain five pounds. That isn't fair. That is where my mind says, "If you were going to gain five pounds you should have just eaten junk." That is where the mental torture of trying to find something to eat at Olive Garden doesn't seem worth it any more. "You eat soup and salad and still gain weight? Just eat the other stuff next time." That is where I realize that the addictions are not gone - they are just kept at bay. And that is frustrating.
So, the six month anniversary didn't exactly pass the way I hoped it would. The key is to stop this train. Today, I am going to just be very careful with my food - almost go back to the earlier simple approach. My older two kids are at Heather's parents' house for a few days. That will help me re-discover my calm. :) I will go back to fruit for snacks and lighter meals. I'll be sure to drink more water. And I'll cut back on the higher sodium foods. Hopefully that will get things back on track quickly. Most importantly, though, I need to make sure I don't allow the lies to sink in. Giving in is not an option. It is NOT better to take the easier route. I need to re-discover the joy and freedom I was experiencing. And I need to remember this is a long-distance run, not a short term thing. One week of setbacks is pretty minor when viewed in light of the whole.
[July 20 UPDATE] Stupid water retention. So, on Monday, July 19, I weighed 281 pounds. During the course of that day, I . . . um . . . passed fluids nine times. On Tuesday, July 20, I weighed 276 again. FIVE POUNDS LOST OVERNIGHT!!! DISCOVER THE SECRETS WITHIN!!! WHAT IS THE KEY TO THIS MAGIC FAT BURNING PROCESS?!? Go pee.
No comments:
Post a Comment