McDonald's, I Loathe Thee

Dear McDonalds, You are poisoning the world with your food. 

And thanks for a delicious breakfast. I hate you. Nathan

- From Nathan Fillion's Twitter Account (actor on Firefly and Castle)

I thought that this quote was funny, because it popped up the same day that I was about to write this posting.  I have felt this way about Mickey D's for a long time.  I knew that it was horrible for me.  I could feel myself getting fatter every time that I went in there.  Things like the movie Supersize Me didn't help.  But, somehow I couldn't shake the draw to the Golden Arches.  We never went to McDonald's growing up.  My parents were Burger King people.  In fact, my mom went so far as to try poisoning our mind to McDonald's by telling us that their burgers were made of chopped up worms.  (That is the complete truth - she actually said that.)  It also didn't help the McD's cause when they took forever for a special order.

I have always been picky about my burgers.  I don't eat ketchup, mustard, pickles, or raw onions.  Over time, I started to eat mayo - but not as a kid.  I liked cheese and bacon on my burger.  That was it.  McDonald's put all kinds of junk on their burgers, and they took like twenty minutes to make one fresh without that stuff on it.  Burger King didn't do that.  We had no reason to go to McDonald's.  Their worm burgers took forever to make they way we wanted them.  So it wasn't an option.  We finally started going once in a while when they built one eight blocks from our house - and when they introduced McNuggets.

But McDonald's has a way with people - it sucks you in.  It is like the Fast Food Mafia.  Soon, I had discovered their breakfast sandwiches.  My mom started getting them for me every Saturday on the way back from the grocery store.  Then, in high school, I realized that my mom was full of it - and the burgers were actually pretty good.  That combined with their Jurassic Park and Olympic promotions.  I started eating Mickey D's quite frequently.

When I went to UCF, they built a McDonald's literally right across the street from the school.  It opened right before I enrolled (a little before the Burger King a couple blocks away).  I ate there a LOT.  They had free student drinks.  Then they had tons of coupons for free Arch Deluxes when that aborted effort was being launched.  My friends and I ate there all the time.  When I moved off campus, my last house was across the street from another McDonald's.  I stopped there almost every morning on my way to my internship for breakfast.

This was also when I started having major acid reflux problems.  I didn't know what was going on - just that I felt horrible.  I missed days from internship, or left early a few times.  I honestly had no clue that my atrocious diet was wrecking havoc with my digestive system - that combined with my quickly escalating and undiagnosed egg allergy.  Even with all of that, McDonald's was just too easy to keep in my life.

When people think about McDonald's there are certain things that come to mind.  Reliability and affordability are two of them.  That is what made the chain explode in popularity in the 1950s.  You could go anywhere in the country and get the same quality and price.  Sure, that quality was mediocre at best.  But at least it wasn't awful.  Now, McDonald's is almost the benchmark for affordable dining out.  I know that in our family, we have a saying when we try a restaurant.  "Cheaper Than McDonald's (CTM)"  A dining establishment will get a ringing endorsement if somehow the bill is less than we would pay at McDonald's.  It is not easy to find these places - but there are some out there.  [In Orlando, Uncle Al's Hot Dogs was one of them.  In Tallahassee we have a few places.  Our school discount card makes Tijuana Flats and Pepper's Mexican Grill CTM.  With free kids' meals on the weekends, Steak and Shake becomes CTM.  Black Bean Cuban Cafe always has free kids meals.  Boston Market is always CTM.]

There are two other qualities associated with McDonald's: Kid Friendly and Marketability.  Mickey D's has some of the best marketing in the world.  There ads are everywhere.  They have had songs on commercials that were virtually radio hits.  And their Kids Meal tie-ins have been legendary.  That adds to the kid friendly label.  Most of the big family movies end up going through McDonald's.  They have cool toys and promotional things like glasses.  Plus the McNugget cannot be matched in the pantheon of addictive foods for kids.  Josiah, when he was younger, could spot a McDonald's anywhere.  Gabe is the same way.  If I was to ask the kids right now where they wanted to go to dinner, even odds would be that they picked McDonald's.  It doesn't matter if they went there yesterday or even this morning, they would cheer if I asked them about going for dinner.  As parents, it is hard to find a place the kids are so happy to eat.

So it becomes very difficult to avoid interacting with McDonald's.  But, for me, I have come to the place where I hate McDonald's.  I'm not talking about the normal parental burnout.  I'm saying that I actually detest the place.  When I take the kids, I don't even order anything any more.  I'll sit there and watch everyone eat and get something at home.  Part of it is that there is virtually nothing on the menu I can have.  I mean, look at the foods I could even possibly eat there.  Grilled Chicken sandwich (without the bread), apple dippers, chicken caesar salad, yogurt fruit parfait, and their new fruit smoothies (which are okay - but not that great).  That's it.  While that may seem like a decent option, that brings up the second problem.

Their "healthy" food options are horribly expensive.  The chicken sandwich is almost four bucks.  It seems like a big sandwich, until you take off the football sized bun.  Then it is a pretty pitiful excuse for a chicken breast.  Plus it is jammed full of water and sodium.  The apple dippers are "only" a dollar.  Super, until you realize it is only about a half of an apple's worth of slices.  The yogurt parfait is maybe the size of kid's yogurt with a smattering of fruit.  All of their salads come with cheese on them - plus other stuff.  The caesar is the only one "plain enough" for me - and then you get to top it with their inferior chicken.  The fruit smoothie isn't the worst thing ever - and it is yogurt and fruit.  But it is almost three bucks for a small!  So, if you want to eat healthy at McDonald's, you have to pay through the nose for it.

So, McDonald's tries to position their other food as healthy.  They pitch their McNuggets as a healthy option.  (Only 420 calories for 10!)  DEEP FRIED PROCESSED CHICKEN IS HEALTHY?!?  I can't blame them, per se.  They honestly tried to do things differently.  I remember a few years back, McDonald's introduced a whole line of salads and healthier options.  (Salad Shaker, anyone?)  After a year or so, they quietly made an announcement that they were pulling most of the promos.  There was not interest to justify the new items.  The opposition to McDonald's is always loud.  They scream about how unhealthy the food it.  But then, when the new options were put out there, it turned out there were fewer opponents than everyone thought - they were just very loud.   [SIDE NOTE: That is the same thing Apple is facing right now.  The media makes things out to be huge whenever someone is upset with Apple.  But the number of people is actually small.  Apple sold 4 million iPhone 4 units in the first month.  Only 20,000 people had problems with their antennae.  That is under 1%.  With all the news coverage, you would have thought it was 50%, right?]

One of my bigger frustrations in my weight battle has been that even if I can fight the cravings and addictions, I can't find the culture.  Between traveling and the crazy schedule everyone has, there are just times when we have to eat out.  If you want to eat fast, it is virtually impossible to eat healthy.  If you want to eat healthy, you cannot eat fast - and you often have to pay a tip, which jacks the price up more. McDonald's just capitalizes on the fast paced way of life.  In that regard, they aren't any different than Burger King, Taco Bell, KFC, or any of a hundred other places.  But they certainly do seem to capitalize on that mindset - even encourage it.  And I swear, there is some kind of chemical they put in their McNuggets that make kids crave them all the time.  For now, I am letting my frustration with McDonald's manifest itself as hatred.

Six Month Setbacks (UPDATED)

Six months ago yesterday I decided to change my life.  On January 18, 2010 I sent a letter out to my friends to seek their prayer and help in completely altering how I viewed food.  I had no idea how things would go - how effective it would be.  I was scared.  And I was doubtful.  Too many times I had tried to do things right.  And every time I had ultimately failed.

But this time, things were different.  I didn't try to fit my warped approach to food into a weight loss scheme.  I actually changed what I ate - and there was success.  Last Monday, I weighed 276.  That was a loss of 79 pounds.  I was thinner than I have been in over a decade.  While at times it was difficult, the new approach to food had been pretty easy to adopt.  I was happy.

This past week, though, I have experienced my first sustained setbacks.  I didn't cheat and go back to eating my restricted foods.  I can honestly say that I have not done that - I haven't cheated even one time.  But things have gotten hard.  And to top it all off, I had gained FIVE POUNDS since last Monday.  I am back up over the 280 barrier again!  How could things unravel so badly?  I need to figure it out before things get out of hand.  From what I can tell, several unrelated things happened this past week that have tripped me up.

1. BOREDOM
I think most people can understand getting bored with their food options.  Even when I was eating like a lunatic last summer, I still got bored by the constant routine of burgers and pizza.  Now, though, I am functioning with a MUCH smaller pool of options.  No matter how good it is, it gets kind of boring eating the same few things all the time.  When I am making dinner, there is not a ton of variety.  London Broil, chicken breast, pulled pork, chili, sometimes fish.  I can mix up the vegetables with it.  But I still am only eating brown or wild rices.  So I can't mix in potatoes or pasta.  That makes things seem really repetitive.  Eating out isn't much different.  BBQ, Fajita, chicken breasts.  Ho hum.  If I can get soup, I'll toss that it sometimes.  Once in a while salad (I still am NOT a salad fan).  But it just gets old after weeks of the same stuff.  [The weird thing is that breakfast is not hitting the boredom problem - even though I literally eat yogurt every day.  I think the fact that I have changed up brands and flavors so many times has helped.]  It is almost like I have started feeling trapped in my new approach.  That is a huge change from the joy and freedom I have felt for months.  I don't like that feeling.

2. SUMMER & KIDS
I love my kids.  I really do.  And I love spending time with them.  I don't resent being the one at home during the day.  But, the fact is that summer time around our place is not always a great thing.  I have documented this over on my other blog.  Our kids need structure - that is why they love school.  This past week has been pretty bad.  For some reason, the kids have been pretty uncooperative.  My fuse has been very short.  It has been a struggle to make it through the day.  And Heather's schedule last week had her getting home later than usual.  I was running on fumes by the time she got here.  So creative dinner plans were not happening.  There was a lot of "throwing things together."  Or we would go out somewhere just to get out of the house.  Either way, it was not very successful.

3. DINNER/LUNCH CONUNDRUM
Through this whole process, lunch has been the one meal I never have completely gotten a handle on.  Breakfast I eat yogurt.  Dinner I usually make something.  Lunch ends up being leftovers.  I will normally make a larger piece of meat for dinner to give me leftovers for the week.  That extra meat will then go onto a salad or into a skillet meal.  Or I'll make a big pot of chili or soup and save the rest.  So, when I have trouble getting dinners together - or I am just throwing things together - then I don't have any leftovers for lunch.  So that leaves me with a problem for two meals.  The dinner issue hurts my lunch efforts.

4. PEANUT REPLACEMENT ISSUE
This has been going on for a few weeks, but I guess I never realized just how bad losing peanuts threw me off.  Dessert was an easy thing - peanut butter and banana.  Snacks were easy - just grab some peanuts or a bag of trail mix.  Now, though, that is all gone.  No more melted peanut butter.  No more peanut butter yogurt dip.  And do you know how hard it is to find trail mix without peanuts?  So I have switched to cashews and frozen yogurt.  Both of them are fine.  But both of them are dangerous.  Too much of either of those, and I am in trouble.  It is amazing how fast the calories will add up on even good foods.  Take yogurt covered raisins.  I have had them a few times lately.  They seem like a better option than candy.  But the calories in them add up FAST.  I have been taking them to movies with me - figuring they are a healthier option.  But I don't think they actually helped that much.

5. FRUSTRATION
You want to know what I hate?  I work hard to eat right, give up all kinds of stuff, create a whole new way to do things.  I forego things like cake and cookies.  They will sit there in the kitchen and I won't touch them.  I'll eat cashews or trail mix.  And then, I gain weight if I eat too many cashews or trail mix.  That irritates me.  I know that nuts have a lot of calories.  But I am trying to avoid the addictive foods that seem to be all around me.  So I find a replacement - and it makes me gain weight.  I would have probably been better off weight-wise eating a piece of cake.  But that would open a door I don't want open again.  That is where my two pronged approach to food actually hurts me.  I am trying to deal with addiction first and foremost.  The weight loss is important, but it is secondary.  So there are times where - to keep the addictions at bay - I have to make a choice that will hurt the weight loss.  That is frustrating to me.  It is VERY frustrating to me that I can work so hard, struggle through a week last week, keep on track with my food - and then still gain five pounds.  That isn't fair.  That is where my mind says, "If you were going to gain five pounds you should have just eaten junk."  That is where the mental torture of trying to find something to eat at Olive Garden doesn't seem worth it any more.  "You eat soup and salad and still gain weight?  Just eat the other stuff next time."  That is where I realize that the addictions are not gone - they are just kept at bay.  And that is frustrating.

So, the six month anniversary didn't exactly pass the way I hoped it would.  The key is to stop this train. Today, I am going to just be very careful with my food - almost go back to the earlier simple approach.  My older two kids are at Heather's parents' house for a few days.  That will help me re-discover my calm.  :)  I will go back to fruit for snacks and lighter meals.  I'll be sure to drink more water.  And I'll cut back on the higher sodium foods.  Hopefully that will get things back on track quickly.  Most importantly, though, I need to make sure I don't allow the lies to sink in.  Giving in is not an option.  It is NOT better to take the easier route.  I need to re-discover the joy and freedom I was experiencing.  And I need to remember this is a long-distance run, not a short term thing.  One week of setbacks is pretty minor when viewed in light of the whole.

[July 20 UPDATE]  Stupid water retention.  So, on Monday, July 19, I weighed 281 pounds.  During the course of that day, I . . . um . . . passed fluids nine times.  On Tuesday, July 20, I weighed 276 again.  FIVE POUNDS LOST OVERNIGHT!!! DISCOVER THE SECRETS WITHIN!!! WHAT IS THE KEY TO THIS MAGIC FAT BURNING PROCESS?!?  Go pee.

FAST CASUAL SHOWDOWN: Burgers

A while back I posted a disheartening look at the fast food industry. It was put into motion by KFC's introduction of the atrocious Double Down Sandwich. What I did was put together nutritional information for what I usually ordered at a fast food restaurant. It was kind of startling - just how bad those foods are for you. I had several people mention the article and how it really reminded them how bad fast food was for them.

It also triggered something in my head. Is fast food worse than other food options? When we abandon fast food, we usually end up in restaurants that are classified as "fast casual" dining by the industry. They used to be called "family restaurants." It is usually a sit down place, with a wait staff and a menu. But it, theoretically, offers better options. There is a tremendous series of books out there called "Eat This . . . Not That." Naturally, I avoided those books like the plague when I was eating under my old rules (Rule 1: If it tastes good, eat it.). Now, though, I have found some of the material in this series useful. ETNT has even merged itself with Men's Fitness online to offer nutritional guides.

Anyway, ETNT highlights just how bad some of the fast casual options are, as well. So what I decided to do was start a series where I compared fast casual food offerings. Targeting fast food is like shooting fish in a barrel. (The city are the fish, the people are the barrel. I can't ever hear that phrase without thinking of Tommy Boy.) I tried to pick a range of national chains, but I know that is hard. Restaurants have weird expansion options. And there are tons of places in Texas and California that I have never tried or heard of. Most of these are places that I have seen in other states, or seen advertise nationally. I have also put up some non-traditional choices. The lineup will change based on what food I am profiling.

For the first showdown, I will look at burgers. If we don't go to fast food places to get their horrible burgers, then we have to go to a fast casual place to get them. Are they actually any better? Here are nine restaurants and how they measure up. For a point of reference, I have included one of the fast food places as well.

• Applebees
• Beef O'Brady's
• Chili's
• Denny's
• Five Guys
• Friendly's
• Red Robin
• Ruby Tuesday
• Ted's Montana Grill
• Wendy's

For this comparison, I included some national chains (Applebee's, Chili's, Denny's, Friendly's, Ruby Tuesday) and four large regional chains (Beefs, Five Guys, Red Robin, Ted's). I used Five Guys because it is strictly a burger joint. Red Robin is known for its burgers. And Ted's, which offers bison meat, often positions itself as a healthier option to beef burgers. Here's the basics of the challenge. I took one burger, one common side, and a Coke from each place and compared them. The Coke at each place was identical, and did NOT include any refills. The burger I chose was not a plain normal one, either. It was a signature one that people would usually order. I didn't intentionally pick the worst one. I picked one that I, as a fat food addict, would seriously consider ordering.

I also included an appetizer and dessert in a separate comparison. Why? Well, because fast casual places offer those - something most fast food places don't. And a lot of times, we will eat an entire meal - which includes appetizer and dessert. Again, I didn't skimp on the choices of those things, either. I picked mozzarella sticks at every place that had them, since that was a common item to order. And for dessert, it was a standard sized one - not a tiny shot glass size. One additional note: I tried to use TGI Friday's as one of the places. However, they do not make their nutritional information available online. That bothers me. I feel any restaurant that refuses to make that info available is trying to hide something. And, for that, I have lost even more respect for them. Well, if I had any to start with - which I didn't. On to the showdown.

DAILY RECOMMENDED DAILY ALLOWANCE
2000 calories, 65 g fat, 2400 mg sodium, 300 g carbs, 50 g protein

APPLEBEE'S
Mozzarella Sticks, Quesadilla Burger, Fries, Coke, Chocolate Chip Cookie Sundae
ENTREE ONLY: 2010 Calories, 123 g Fat, 4490 mg Sodium, 147 g carbs, 82 g protein
WITH APP & DESSERT: 4610 Calories, 251 g Fat, 8240 mg Sodium, 455 g carbs, 144 g protein

BEEF O'BRADY'S
Fried Mozzarella, Cheeseburger Wrap, Curly Fries, Coke, Chocolate Eruption Cake
ENTREE ONLY: 1508 Calories, 78 g Fat, 2625 mg Sodium, 145 g carbs, 58 g protein
WITH APP & DESSERT: 2888 Calories, 158 g Fat, 4457 mg Sodium, 280 g carbs, 90 g protein

CHILI'S
Fried Cheese, Classic Bacon Burger, Homestyle Fries, Coke, White Chocolate Molten Cake
ENTREE ONLY: 2090 Calories, 104 g Fat, 4850 mg Sodium, 221 g carbs, 68 g protein
WITH APP & DESSERT: 4400 Calories, 255 g Fat, 7340 mg Sodium, 413 g carbs, 116 g protein

DENNY'S
Mozzarella Sticks, Double Cheeseburger, Seasoned Fries, Coke, French Silk Pie
ENTREE ONLY: 2180 Calories, 121 g Fat, 3520 mg Sodium, 151 g carbs, 116 g protein
WITH APP & DESSERT: 3700 Calories, 218 g Fat, 6190 mg Sodium, 405 g carbs, 138 g protein

FIVE GUYS
Bacon Cheeseburger, Regular Fries, Coke - they don't offer appetizers or dessert
ENTREE ONLY: 1730 Calories, 92 g Fat, 1410 mg Sodium, 169 g carbs, 61 g protein

FRIENDLY'S
Mini Mozzarella Sticks, Ultimate Grilled Cheese Burger Melt, Waffle Fries, Coke, 3 Scoop Resee's PB Cup Sundae
ENTREE ONLY: 2280 Calories, 130 g Fat, 3530 mg Sodium, 219 g carbs, 58 g protein
WITH APP & DESSERT: 3850 Calories, 222 g Fat, 5780 mg Sodium, 364 g carbs, 98 g protein

RED ROBIN
Jump Starter Cheese Sticks, Royal Red Robin Burger (with egg, bacon, cheese), Steak Fries, Coke, Mountain High Mudd Pie
ENTREE ONLY: 1820 Calories, 101 g Fat, 2567 mg Sodium, 163 g carbs, 65 g protein
WITH APP & DESSERT: 3796 Calories, 197 g Fat, 4817 mg Sodium, 395 g carbs, 110 g protein

RUBY TUESDAY
Fried Mozzarella, Triple Prime Bacon Cheddar Burger, Piping Hot Fries, Coke, Blondie for One
ENTREE ONLY: 2031 Calories, 133 g Fat, 3873 mg Sodium, 146 g carbs, no protein numbers
WITH APP & DESSERT: 2838 Calories, 171 g Fat, 4576 mg Sodium, 243 g carbs

TED's MONTANA GRILL
Bowl of Bison Chili, Kitchen Sink Bison Burger, Onion Rings, Coke, Strawberry Shortcake
ENTREE ONLY: 1850 Calories, 96 g Fat, 5874 mg Sodium, 140 g carbs, 58 g protein
WITH APP & DESSERT: 3570 Calories, 200 g Fat, 8127 mg Sodium, 288 g carbs, 127 g protein

WENDY'S
Double Baconator, Large Fries, Large Coke, Small Frosty
2100 calories, 95 g fat, 245 g cholesterol, 2630 mg sodium, 245 g carbs, 8 g fiber,  73 g protein

As you can see, there are some surprising things to notice.  Wendy's isn't that much worse - and in some cases it is actually better (since it's numbers include a frosty).  The two best, according to calories, are the Beef O Brady's Wrap and Five Guys (stunned, actually).  The worst?  Friendly's new atrocity.  The sodium in just about all of them are completely out of control.  Look at the "healthier option" Ted's salt content.  5874 mg of sodium?!?  That is two and a half days worth.  Also, across the board, you can nearly double your numbers by adding on the appetizer and dessert.  No matter what choice, you are going to just about wipe out an entire day's worth of calories, 4 days of fat, 1-3 days of sodium, a half a day of carbs, and about a day of protein with just ONE MEAL.  Again, that is if you don't put extra condiments on anything, get refills on soda, or add anything else on.  Kind of a startling exam, isn't it?

Well, I plan on doing a few more of these.  There are several foods I could compare, but I want to hear from both of you who read this.  What foods do you want to see compared?  Pizza?  Chicken sandwiches?  Salads?  BBQ Pork?  Put your opinions in the comments and that will help me decide on the next showdown.

WEEK TWENTY FOUR: Twists and Turns

I just finished Week 24 of this whole process.  This last four week cycle has been full of ups and downs.  I felt some of the worst temptation I have since the outset.  And I've had some of the most disheartening things happen - like losing peanut butter.  But, it also has been one of the best cycles.  I actually lost more in this cycle than in the last cycle - and almost as much as two cycles ago.  (I lost five and nine pounds in those.)  And I finally broke through the 280 level - which means I am now smaller than I have been since before I was married.

I have looked at some old pictures lately.  Our tenth anniversary is in August, and I have been bringing out some old shots from the wedding.  When I see them, I think several things.  One, man I looked stupid in round glasses.  Two, that close hair cut was pretty stupid for a person with a balloon head.  And three, I'm not that big.  We were in Tampa this past weekend.  That allows me to see pictures from the way back time machine - to get an accurate view of how big I actually was.  I still have a while to go to get to my college weight.  But I am already back to my circa 1998 levels (guessing about that year).

The peanut butter loss was a big problem.  Trying to find other options has been difficult - especially regulating the amount of those options.  I have pretty much landed on cashews.  I prefer the fancy jumbo whole cashews.  Why?  Because I'm a fancy jumbo kind of guy, I guess.  I have NOT gotten into the almond and cashew butters.  There are several reasons for this.  One, the money.  It is expensive to switch to those.  I had someone wanting to buy me a jar of cashew butter, just so I could have it and try it.  I turned them down.  That may seem silly, but it leads into my second reason.  I am doing fine without it.  I was able to get rid of the peanut butter (on threat of illness).  Why would I add back in something almost identical, but three times more expensive?  I'll stick with cashews and non-peanut trail mix.

I have found myself really enjoying dried fruit.  At first I avoided that, due to the sugar content.  But now I realize that eating it in moderation is fine.  I always have liked raisins and dried pineapple, but I got away from a lot of that over the years.  It didn't compare to donuts and ice cream.  Now, though, it is really nice.  Dried pineapple, raisins, blueberries, cranberries, bananas, coconut, papaya - all of that is good stuff.  I even tried a prune the other day and realized those are really tasty.  So, between the dried fruit and cashews, I have replaced the peanuts pretty well.

The other thing I finally buckled on is the frozen yogurt.  At first, I avoided it like the plague.  Too much like ice cream.  But now, it is just a good option.  The calorie count is not any worse than eating a container of yogurt.  And it is a great dessert.  Plus, have you tried these frozen yogurts lately?  Good grief.  I started with hitting the shops, just to get my bearings.  But I have bought some at the store lately.  I just am careful about how much I put in my bowl - and the bowl size.  If I want to get crazy, I'll cut up a banana with the yogurt and add cashews.  I bought Publix brand at first - their peach is awesome.  I got some chocolate for the kids and Heather, but I wouldn't eat it.  I was trying to avoid chocolate.  But I had some the other day.  It was really good and I did well with it.  This past weekend, Edy's was on sale at Publix BOGO (buy one, get one).  That took it to another level.  I got a chocolate vanilla swirl.  The other one I got was cookies and cream, but I won't eat that one.  My flavor was super.  They taste just like ice cream, but they have like 40% of the calories.  My personal rule is avoid the flavors with stuff in them - like chocolate chunks, cookie pieces, stuff like that.  But plain flavors or fruit ones are fine.

It has been a successful cycle, over all.  I have found some great food options (frozen yogurt, cashews, fajitas) to mix things up.  And I reached a major milestone.  I'm excited to see what the next cycle holds. Thanks, as always, for being a part of this with me.

280

Of all the milestones that I have reached in this process, there is one that overshadows the others - 280 pounds.  That is what I have been aiming for.  A lot of people have said they are impressed by the weight I have lost thus far.  They are very encouraging.  My mom calls me skinny.  Other people have said I look like a different person - half the man I used to be.  But, honestly, I have not been that impressed.  I've been pleased, but not truly satisfied with my efforts.  I have been pushing to hit 280.  To me, that is the first time that I have actually succeeded.  

Why that number?  It signifies something very important to me.  I have dieted before - quite successfully, mind you.  My body responds well to regimented meal and food plans.  However, I have never had the commitment to permanently alter my lifestyle.  I always found a way to bend my food desires into a diet model.  Eventually, those bad habits won out and the diet wrecked.  In these past efforts, I had a weight that seemed to be the point where I bottomed out.  280.  I have not been lower that 280 in a very very long time.  I honestly can't remember when the last time was.  I have never been a stickler for weighing.  My general goal is to avoid scales because they make me feel bad.  I have random memories of weights in my history.  I was 250 at some point in college, but I can't remember when.  I can't even remember how much I weighed in high school.  But 280 is a weight I remember clearly.

Not long after Heather and I got married, we moved to Orange Park from Tampa.  A whirlwind of circumstances had left us stunned.  We got married in August 2000.  I started having problems with the direction of our church, so I resigned resigned effective December 15, 2000.  We found out we were pregnant with Josiah a couple days later.  I was jobless.  The pregnancy was very hard on Heather, so she had to withdraw from classes at USF.  Finally we moved up to Orange Park with Heather's parents.  I got a job selling furniture at Rhodes Furniture.  Josiah was born at 2:11am on September 12, 2001.  Heather was in labor all day on September 11, as the world seemed to be collapsing all around us.  It was a very rough stretch for us.  Fourteen months earlier I was on a mission trip in Australia.  Now I was married with a child, living with my in laws, selling lousy furniture, watching the world I knew unravel.  

Somehow, though, I was losing a ton of weight.  I had been a desk jockey, more or less, for the last four years.  Graphic design does not lend itself to physical activity.  Neither does college ministry.  Lots of late hours, bad food, sitting around, playing video games.  So, when I had to start walking around a lot for my job, I started to burn calories.  That combined with the fact that Josiah only liked to go to sleep after being walked around by me for what seemed like an eternity.  Before I knew it, I had dropped to 280 pounds.  But it was at that point that I realized that I didn't have to hustle as much at the furniture store as I had been.  I also had made friends there, so I was eating lunch and/or dinner with them more.  Instead of packing PB&J, I was eating Firehouse Subs or Checkers (Rally's) burgers and shakes.  The weight went right back up.  

Years later, I had ballooned up to 330 pounds.  This was due to another desk jockey job, along with an even worse set of food habits.  There were almost always snacks in the office - candy on desks, donuts in the break room, birthday cake every couple weeks.  I was drinking a ton of soda - mainly Code Red Mountain Dew.  Orlando offered tons of restaurants to wreck myself in - Duffy's Subs, Pizzeria Uno, Mad Hatter Pizza, Lazy Moon Pizza, Donato's.  After Natalie was born, I for some bizarre reason decided to start Weight Watchers.  It was a huge success.  I dropped fifty pounds in four months - hitting 280 again.  But, that was where I derailed (as I explained in my posting on my birthday).  Before long, I was back to my old ways.  And the weight came back with a vengeance.  

I have not been below 280 pounds in a very long time - it could be as much as fifteen years.  Every time that I get there, I just yo-yo back up.  So, to me, this lifestyle change was not truly a success until I hit 280 pounds.  I wasn't going to really celebrate losing fifty pounds, because I still was over 300.  I wasn't even all that happy with going under 300 - since that was still so far from the lowest I had been in the last ten years.  I think, in my mind, the real victory would begin when I hit 280.  I would have hit the lowest I had been - and then "the real work could begin."  Everything to that point would have just been getting the car back on the road.  Once the number was 280, then I could start to venture into really getting where I need to be.  Getting down to 250 or 220 was not really attainable in my mind until I got to 280 first.  I think that is why I was so frustrated when things slowed down so much in the last two months - especially the last couple of weeks.  Friends have tried to encourage my by saying, "You had more to los this time to get there."  For some reason that didn't help me much.  It just highlighted how bad things had gotten.  I mean, I had to lose 25 pounds just to get to the level I STARTED at before.  So, even though getting to 280 meant I had lost 75 pounds, it still seems like something I had to do before this meant anything.

Well, today the scale read 280.4.  I thought that I would jump up and down.  But I didn't.  Instead, there was just a sense of relief.  There was a little fear also that I would bounce back up a few pounds like happened when I hit 300.  But it also brought a renewed sense of commitment.  I don't want to bottom out here.  I am far from done.  I want to hit 250 - that's my next goal.  I cannot believe that I am within striking distance of my college weight.  Even at the slower rate I am not at (five pounds a month), I still could reach that by the end of the year.  I would have lost 100 pounds in a year and dropped to a level I had not been in literally half of my life.  Those goals are actually feasible now.  There will be a big breath of relief once the scale reads 279, because that means the boundary has been crossed.  But, seeing that number on the scale meant a lot.  I have another chance to do what I couldn't those other times.  Like some frustrated hero who keeps geting to the same castle, only to get beaten back, I am back at the door again.  This time I will actually see things through.  The big fat dragon will be slain.  I finally am at the door to Darth Fatso's lair.  The next step is go kill that fat turd.

Blah

I've been at this for over five months, now.  And I've seen lots of progress.  In addition to the weight loss, which has been pretty substantial, I also have completely changed my tastes and approach to food.  I have been surprised to find that I have not cheated even one time.  The only times I have even had the chance to mess up - when no one would have blamed me, when there were no other options, when someone messed up an order - I have actually stayed strong and not given in.  I've gotten to the point where food that I used to eat is just inedible to me.  It is too sweet or too salty.  In the last couple weeks, I have tried to eat some food from a New Orleans style place and from a Chinese place.  Both of them were so salty that I actually did not finish them.  It was almost like a layer of salt on my tongue.  Not very appetizing.

So, by all levels of evaluation, this has been a raging success.  I would have thought that by this point, I could have stood on the deck of a battleship and declared, "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!"  But, I have been quite surprised to find that - like that incorrect presidential speech - I would have been premature in celebrating.  The last few days I have had a very hard time mentally in keeping on track.  No, I still have not messed up.  But there has been almost a constant desire to.  Every meal, I want to just give up and eat something I shouldn't.  Each morning, as I get the kids' breakfast ready, my mind tries to get me to eat a Pop Tart or a waffle or some cereal.  And when I grab my yogurt, it is with resignation and disappointment.  With all of our standard summer traveling, it has been hard to keep up our meal routine.  It used to be that I would make something for dinner (pulled pork, london broil, turkey breast, chicken breasts).  That would generate enough leftover meat, veggies, and rice for me to have for lunch later.  But we have been thrown off our schedule.  So now, it has been hard to find lunch for me.

I make the kids' lunch, and then I have to find something for me - which is increasingly difficult.  Yesterday, for example, I made the kids and Heather grilled cheese sandwiches.  I kind of picked at a few things.  Pretty unsatisfying.  Dinner is usually okay.  If I have stuff planned, then all is well.  But when the days don't work enough to plan, well that is a problem.  I made the rest of the family pizza on Friday night. I had a yogurt.  You know how hard it is to sit there and make a pizza, smell the pizza, serve the pizza, and then see leftover pizza - all while knowing you get a container of yogurt?

All of this has been compounded by two other issues.  First was the peanut butter problem I addressed in my last post.  Since I lost peanuts and peanut butter, I lost a vital part of my routine.  Finding a replacement has been tough.  [By the way, I tested my peanut theory last night.  I hadn't had it all week and had some last night.  My mouth started burning and my throat felt like something was stuck in it.  I don't think it is worth playing around.]  I got a container of cashews and a back of tropical trail mix at Sam's.  They are soooo good that I actually snack TOO much with them.  I have tried to cut back, but it has been hard.  This all has contribute to the second issue.  The weight loss has, understandably, slowed down.  My last four week measurement cycle only saw a five pound loss.  This four week cycle will probably be around that.  I have been slowly drifting toward 280, but every so often I bounce back up a couple pounds due to salt or snacks.

This is very frustrating.  Friday it boiled over to some point.  On the 18th, I weighed 281.  On the 21st I was 282.  On the 25th I was 284.  (Yesterday I was back down to 282.)  Gaining three pounds in a week was so frustrating - even though I knew a bunch of it was sodium.  I kind of lost it.  "This is ridiculous!  I gain three pounds when I'm doing this right?  I even cut out peanut butter and gained weight?!? All because I had the nerve to eat some CASHEWS and FREAKING DRIED FRUIT!?!?"  That is very annoying.  If I had eaten a piece of a cake or cookies or a donut, I could at least understand.  "Well, I DID eat a donut, so I guess that is understandable."  But when I turned down those things and still went up?  That stinks.

Last night was the hardest night for me since the beginning of the whole process.  We went to Chick Fil A to give the kids a chance to play at the playground there.  I had planned on getting some BBQ on the way there, but that didn't work out.   From the moment we got into the restaurant, it was a mental war.  Just so you understand, even though Chick Fil A has a reputation as a better fast food place, it still has horrible options for me.  It is all sandwiches, with a few salads.  Their salads all are pre-made, so they have cheese on them.  And they come with a small amount of pre-cut cold chicken.  They never run sales.  And they are more expensive than most places.  For me, it is one of the worst options.  The only choice I really have there is a grilled chicken sandwich without the bun, with a bowl of fruit.  However, like at most fast food places, the grilled chicken is not very good.  It is small and very salty.  (It may not seem small when perched on a big ole bun with a huge side of fries.  But laying by itself, it looks pretty lame.)

The other problem is that they have a new spicy chicken sandwich.  It is fried.  If you have followed this blog, you probably understand the way my mind has always worked.  If a restaurant introduces a new sandwich that looks good to me, my brain will continue to come up with ways to try it until I have had it.  Usually, that happens within the first week.  Well, I wanted to try the spicy chicken sandwich.  But that was not an option.  It was fried, on bread, with cheese on it.  But there was a massive battle within my brain.  I didn't want the grilled chicken.  I wanted the spicy chicken.  However, the part that has changed kept on keeping me from getting the spicy.  I didn't order anything.  Heather and the kids ordered and ate.  The kids went to play.  The whole time there was a storm swirling in my head.  "Spicy chicken!  No!  Wait and get BBQ on the way home!  NO!  I WANT SPICY CHICKEN!!!  YOU AREN'T GETTING SPICY CHICKEN YOU FAT TURKEY!!!"  I knew it was getting later and we had to go to Target after, so getting BBQ wasn't an option.  Finally, I forced myself to go up and get two grilled sandwiches and eat just the lettuce, tomato, and chicken.  Just as I had expected, it was wholly unsatisfying and salty.

It is moments like those when it is very hard to keep this going.  I battle and fight and war.  I try to do things right.  There are so many conflicts in my head that no one knows about.  I feel guilty for eating too many nuts.  I think I'm doing something wrong for having "too much frozen yogurt."  Then there is stuff like last night, when I could have easily messed up and no one would have blamed me.  But I manage to stay strong.  And then I don't lose weight anyway.  That gets frustrating.  The challenge for all of this is realizing that it is not a short term option.  I can't take a break.  There is probably not going to be a day when I can have pizza or ice cream or burgers again.  This isn't just about weight loss.  It is about breaking the hold food had on me.  Weeks like this past one realize just how strong that hold really was - and how THAT mission is far from accomplished.

Allergy

I am allergic to several things.  Well, according to the allergist I saw down in Orlando a few years ago, I am not technically allergic to anything.  He put me through the full roster of tests - the blood test, the nicks on your arm and back.  At the end, he told me that I wasn't allergic to anything, but that I had a higher than average sensitivity to some things like dust mites and mold.  When I asked him how it was possible that I wasn't testing allergic to things that really messed me up, he told me that the only way to be sure was to do a controlled test.  Basically, drag me in there and have me consume the offending food and see if it hurts me.  I thought this was a pretty stupid suggestion, since I had a hospital visit that should have accomplished the same thing.  [And people wonder why I don't hold doctors in the highest esteem - except for my wife and the people associated with the FSU College of Medicine who are all awesome.]

So, I guess to be correct, I have heightened sensitivity to several things.  Allergies can manifest themselves in many ways.  They can trigger outbreaks of hives.  They can cause swelling, intestinal distress, anaphylactic shock.  Fun stuff.  At the most simple, though, allergies are highly annoying.  They force you to be vigilant about food - and it makes you miss out on foods.  My worst attack ever came from some stupid cook/waitress combo at Cracker Barrel messing up my order.  My allergies (sorry, sensitivities) have different levels of severity.

EGGS: This is the big bad momma.  I used to eat eggs all the time.  In college, I made omelettes for dinner and had bacon egg and cheese biscuits about five times a week from McDonald's.  I also had unbelievably bad indigestion all the time and irritable bowels.  I never connected anything until I started having really bad attacks after eating eggs.  Vomiting, swelling up, trouble breathing.  I finally realized that a lot of the digestive trouble I had in college was actually egg problems (like in the mayo I used on every sandwich).  I finally landed in the hospital once (the aforementioned Cracker Barrel experience).  After that, I stopped eating any form of eggs - except in some baked goods.  Now, through this effort, I haven't consumed anything with eggs in it at all - since the only things I had them in I don't eat now.

NUTRASWEET: This one was the source of a lot of problems for me.  Doctors refuse to admit people have this issue.  They say that Nutrasweet is not something you can be allergic to.  My brother explained it actually is an inability to process certain amino acids correctly.  But, in middle school, I thought I was going to die.  Massive weight fluctuations, intense chest pains, stomach pains, degenerating eye sight, spasms and seizures, irregular heartbeat.  No one could diagnose anything.  Eventually I had one doctor just write me off as fabricating everything in my mind.  When we went back to tell him it was Nutrasweet, he said, "Well I'm glad you found something to blame so you could get over it."  (He wan't impressed by the book of research we had compiled on the topic, either.)  After I quit eating Nutrasweet in eighth grade, I only had it once.  The intense stomach cramps showed me I needed to avoid it.  So I haven't had it in over twenty years.

CINNAMON: This one in particular the doctor told me was not possible.  I asked him to explain how those cinnamon brooms in Publix will burn my throat and cause me to lose my voice.  He didn't know.  I know that if I have too much cinnamon in something, it will literally blister my mouth.  When I worked in Tampa, I was chewing cinnamon gum a lot, since it was the only flavor without Nutrasweet.  I kept wondering why my mouth was burned.  I tried to remember when I had scalded myself with pizza.  But it wasn't hot pizza.  It was the gum.  Every time I chewed Big Red, my mouth would literally burn.  So, I learned to avoid foods with a lot of cinnamon.  Now, it isn't an issue since most foods with cinnamon are on my "no no" list.

SHELLFISH:  This was one of the most painful ones.  I never had a problem with shellfish.  Since I never was a huge fan of standard fish, shellfish was my go-to at a seafood place.  Shrimp, crawfish, lobster, crab.  I loves all of those things.  One night I had all-you-can-eat shrimp with a friend in Gainesville and then had to drive back to Orlando.  The whole way, I was having something similar to my egg attacks.  When I asked the doctor, he said that some people have food sensitivities.  It is almost like their body can handle a certain amount of that food.  Once they hit that limit, they start to have problems.  The reactions begin small, but they get worse and worse.  Finally, they get into the really scary ones.  This is what happened with eggs with me.  He said a huge amount of one of these foods could trigger a reaction, and prematurely cause problems.  (AYCE shrimp would qualify, in case you wondered.)  In light of the egg problem, he suggested that I be proactive and avoid shellfish all together. That would mean it never got to the anaphylactic shock level - basically securing me a buffer in case of accidental exposure.  That was seven years ago, and I've maybe had three shrimps since then.

So, that is my list of allergies.  It is annoying, to be sure.  Things would have been a lot easier in changing my eating habits if I could have eggs or Nutrasweet or shellfish.  For example, I am pretty much stuck having yogurt for breakfast, since I don't have any options.  Friends of mine doing similar food plans can have egg white omelets.  Not me.  Diet soda, or even diet juice, would be a welcome change from water all the time.  But that wasn't a choice.  (Now, though, I'm glad I didn't rely on those things.  It is one less area for problems.)

In the last couple of weeks, I have begun to notice something disturbing, though.  I am worried that I am developing a sensitivity to peanuts.  Now, for those of you following this effort, you understand how devastating that it to me.  I have credited four foods for helping me get through this whole process: yogurt, chili, bbq, and peanut butter.  I eat peanuts every day.  I have a can of peanuts that I will snack on during the day.  I have trail mix with peanuts in it.  And, every night I have some sort of dessert with peanut butter.  It may be a banana with peanut butter on it.  Sometimes I melt peanut butter and dip fruit in it.  Or I will make a peanut butter yogurt dip.  I even came up with a frozen peanut butter dipped banana pop.

But, lately, when I eat peanuts or peanut butter, I have these little things I pick up on.  Sometimes my mouth will tingle.  Or my lips will feel a little swollen.  There are times when I start coughing a little, or feel like there is something stuck in my throat.  The last few days, I have even had intestinal issues.  This week, I am running a test of it.  I am not eating anything with peanuts in it.  After I am sure my body has flushed anything with peanuts, I will try something and see what happens.

I am trying to be careful and not expose myself too much to it, since I know how fast my egg sensitivity accelerated.  And peanut allergies are scary stuff.  I already am up to Epi-Pen level concern with eggs.  I don't want to get to the point where peanut dust can trigger a reaction.  This is pretty big blow, as you might imagine.  I have really come to rely on peanut products to help me get through this.  To suddenly lose one of my major supports is pretty scary.  I am going to try to make it work.  I bought a container of cashews at Sam's today.  And I found a new trail mix without peanuts in it.  I will get a jar of almond or cashew butter at the store.  But, let's face it, that is a far cry from Jif.  And it is sooo much more expensive.  Obviously, I am not going to play around with this.  It isn't worth eating peanuts and risking my life.  It is just disheartening.