Blah

I've been at this for over five months, now.  And I've seen lots of progress.  In addition to the weight loss, which has been pretty substantial, I also have completely changed my tastes and approach to food.  I have been surprised to find that I have not cheated even one time.  The only times I have even had the chance to mess up - when no one would have blamed me, when there were no other options, when someone messed up an order - I have actually stayed strong and not given in.  I've gotten to the point where food that I used to eat is just inedible to me.  It is too sweet or too salty.  In the last couple weeks, I have tried to eat some food from a New Orleans style place and from a Chinese place.  Both of them were so salty that I actually did not finish them.  It was almost like a layer of salt on my tongue.  Not very appetizing.

So, by all levels of evaluation, this has been a raging success.  I would have thought that by this point, I could have stood on the deck of a battleship and declared, "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!"  But, I have been quite surprised to find that - like that incorrect presidential speech - I would have been premature in celebrating.  The last few days I have had a very hard time mentally in keeping on track.  No, I still have not messed up.  But there has been almost a constant desire to.  Every meal, I want to just give up and eat something I shouldn't.  Each morning, as I get the kids' breakfast ready, my mind tries to get me to eat a Pop Tart or a waffle or some cereal.  And when I grab my yogurt, it is with resignation and disappointment.  With all of our standard summer traveling, it has been hard to keep up our meal routine.  It used to be that I would make something for dinner (pulled pork, london broil, turkey breast, chicken breasts).  That would generate enough leftover meat, veggies, and rice for me to have for lunch later.  But we have been thrown off our schedule.  So now, it has been hard to find lunch for me.

I make the kids' lunch, and then I have to find something for me - which is increasingly difficult.  Yesterday, for example, I made the kids and Heather grilled cheese sandwiches.  I kind of picked at a few things.  Pretty unsatisfying.  Dinner is usually okay.  If I have stuff planned, then all is well.  But when the days don't work enough to plan, well that is a problem.  I made the rest of the family pizza on Friday night. I had a yogurt.  You know how hard it is to sit there and make a pizza, smell the pizza, serve the pizza, and then see leftover pizza - all while knowing you get a container of yogurt?

All of this has been compounded by two other issues.  First was the peanut butter problem I addressed in my last post.  Since I lost peanuts and peanut butter, I lost a vital part of my routine.  Finding a replacement has been tough.  [By the way, I tested my peanut theory last night.  I hadn't had it all week and had some last night.  My mouth started burning and my throat felt like something was stuck in it.  I don't think it is worth playing around.]  I got a container of cashews and a back of tropical trail mix at Sam's.  They are soooo good that I actually snack TOO much with them.  I have tried to cut back, but it has been hard.  This all has contribute to the second issue.  The weight loss has, understandably, slowed down.  My last four week measurement cycle only saw a five pound loss.  This four week cycle will probably be around that.  I have been slowly drifting toward 280, but every so often I bounce back up a couple pounds due to salt or snacks.

This is very frustrating.  Friday it boiled over to some point.  On the 18th, I weighed 281.  On the 21st I was 282.  On the 25th I was 284.  (Yesterday I was back down to 282.)  Gaining three pounds in a week was so frustrating - even though I knew a bunch of it was sodium.  I kind of lost it.  "This is ridiculous!  I gain three pounds when I'm doing this right?  I even cut out peanut butter and gained weight?!? All because I had the nerve to eat some CASHEWS and FREAKING DRIED FRUIT!?!?"  That is very annoying.  If I had eaten a piece of a cake or cookies or a donut, I could at least understand.  "Well, I DID eat a donut, so I guess that is understandable."  But when I turned down those things and still went up?  That stinks.

Last night was the hardest night for me since the beginning of the whole process.  We went to Chick Fil A to give the kids a chance to play at the playground there.  I had planned on getting some BBQ on the way there, but that didn't work out.   From the moment we got into the restaurant, it was a mental war.  Just so you understand, even though Chick Fil A has a reputation as a better fast food place, it still has horrible options for me.  It is all sandwiches, with a few salads.  Their salads all are pre-made, so they have cheese on them.  And they come with a small amount of pre-cut cold chicken.  They never run sales.  And they are more expensive than most places.  For me, it is one of the worst options.  The only choice I really have there is a grilled chicken sandwich without the bun, with a bowl of fruit.  However, like at most fast food places, the grilled chicken is not very good.  It is small and very salty.  (It may not seem small when perched on a big ole bun with a huge side of fries.  But laying by itself, it looks pretty lame.)

The other problem is that they have a new spicy chicken sandwich.  It is fried.  If you have followed this blog, you probably understand the way my mind has always worked.  If a restaurant introduces a new sandwich that looks good to me, my brain will continue to come up with ways to try it until I have had it.  Usually, that happens within the first week.  Well, I wanted to try the spicy chicken sandwich.  But that was not an option.  It was fried, on bread, with cheese on it.  But there was a massive battle within my brain.  I didn't want the grilled chicken.  I wanted the spicy chicken.  However, the part that has changed kept on keeping me from getting the spicy.  I didn't order anything.  Heather and the kids ordered and ate.  The kids went to play.  The whole time there was a storm swirling in my head.  "Spicy chicken!  No!  Wait and get BBQ on the way home!  NO!  I WANT SPICY CHICKEN!!!  YOU AREN'T GETTING SPICY CHICKEN YOU FAT TURKEY!!!"  I knew it was getting later and we had to go to Target after, so getting BBQ wasn't an option.  Finally, I forced myself to go up and get two grilled sandwiches and eat just the lettuce, tomato, and chicken.  Just as I had expected, it was wholly unsatisfying and salty.

It is moments like those when it is very hard to keep this going.  I battle and fight and war.  I try to do things right.  There are so many conflicts in my head that no one knows about.  I feel guilty for eating too many nuts.  I think I'm doing something wrong for having "too much frozen yogurt."  Then there is stuff like last night, when I could have easily messed up and no one would have blamed me.  But I manage to stay strong.  And then I don't lose weight anyway.  That gets frustrating.  The challenge for all of this is realizing that it is not a short term option.  I can't take a break.  There is probably not going to be a day when I can have pizza or ice cream or burgers again.  This isn't just about weight loss.  It is about breaking the hold food had on me.  Weeks like this past one realize just how strong that hold really was - and how THAT mission is far from accomplished.

Double Down

I have been pretty insulting of the new KFC Double Down sandwich since it dragged it's lard butt onto the American fast food scene.  For those of you who are not familiar with this monstrosity, here is a basic description.  The Double Down is comprised of two fried chicken breasts, which operate as the bun.  Inside, there is bacon, pepper jack cheese, jack cheese, and some mysterious substance known as "Colonel's Sauce."  (There is a "healthier" version that uses grilled patties instead.)  It is being marketed as a "man's sandwich" that is so meaty it doesn't have room for a bun.  The thing looks and sounds horrifying.  It's nutritional information is terrible (540 cal, 32 fat g, 1380 mg sodium -- 460/23/1430 for the grilled).  But, like a train wreck or a torture movie, many people are drawn to it.

Then I found THIS ARTICLE the other day.  (Click on the link if you want to read it.)  This guy is way smarter than me.  He wanted to see if the Double Down was as bad as it appears.  So he constructed a comparison between it and a bunch of other fast food sandwiches (and burritos, I guess).  He added the fat, sodium, and cholesterol in the Double Down and put it up against those same things in other sandwiches.  That is what you see in this first chart.

What you see is that the Double Down actually doesn't fare that poorly - largely due to the fact that there are so many horrible choices for foods out there.  When compared to other chicken sandwiches, the KFC DD has six options worse than it.  And, when burgers enter the argument, it pales in comparison.  Look at the Wendy's and Hardee's numbers!  So, maybe the KFC DD has gotten a bum rap, no?  Well, the writer than goes on to point out that the problem is that the KFC DD actually is worse because it has fewer calories than these other sandwiches.  You are only getting 1/4 of the daily recommended 2000 calories, but you are getting more than 1/2 of the fat, sodium, and cholesterol.  You are getting less bang for your buck.  With the burgers, you probably will feel full for a little while.  With the KFC DD, you will be hungry - maybe even want a second DD.  (Good grief.)  Also, there is absolutely no fiber in the KFC DD, whereas the buns that it abandons brings SOME nutritional value.  This is shown in the second chart - basically dividing the calorie/fat/cholesterol number by calories.

When you look at thing this way, the only thing worse than the fried KFC Double Down is the GRILLED KFC Double Down.  That is because the sodium is higher in the grilled version and the calories are less.  [Trust me.  I tried the regular KFC grilled chicken a few months ago.  It is as salty as beef jerky.  It is horrible.]  The Double Down is even worse that a TRIPLE BACONATOR!  That just makes my jaw drop.  

So, I could have just posted a link to this guy's site.  Why did I bother to write all of this?  Well, I want you to look at that list again.  I have had 27 of those sandwiches before.  While I never have had the triple Baconator, I always ordered the double Baconator when I went to Wendy's.  I have tried the Quad Stacker - but usually got the Triple Stacker.  At McDonald's I would always order a Double Quarter Pounder - with extra cheese.  But it would also include a large fries and large Coke - sometimes with a Frosty or ice cream too.  I never thought about the numbers.  I just ate the stuff because I liked it.  Look at what I would regularly order at these places.

DAILY RECOMMENDED DAILY ALLOWANCE

2000 calories, 65 g fat, 300 mg cholesterol, 2400 mg sodium, 300 g carbs, 25 g fiber, 50 g protein

WENDYS

Double Baconator, Large Fries, Large Coke, Small Frosty

2100 calories, 95 g fat, 245 g cholesterol, 2630 mg sodium, 245 g carbs, 8 g fiber,  73 g protein, 

MCDONALDS

Double Quarter Pounder with Extra Cheese, Large Fries, Large Coke

1650 calories, 74 g fat, 167 g cholesterol, 1777 mg sodium, 196 g carb, 9 g fiber, 55 g protein

BURGER KING

Triple Stacker (no sauce), Large Fries, Large Coke

1610 calories, 77 g fat, 140 g cholesterol, 2120 mg sodium, 200 g carbs, 50 g protein

SONIC

Supersonic with Bacon and Cheese, Mozzarella Sticks, Large Cherry Vanilla Coke

1775 calories, 80 g fat, 211 g cholesterol, 2562 mg sodium, 200 g carbs, 6 g fiber, 69 g protein

TACO BELL

3 Cheesy Gordita Crunch, Soft Taco, Large Pepsi

2220 calories, 108 g fat, 210 g cholesterol, 3625 mg sodium, 249 g carbs, 21 g fiber, 73 g protein

CHICK FIL A

Two Original Chicken Sandwiches with Cheese, Large Fries, Large Coke

1640 calories, 65 g fat, 150 g cholesterol, 3250 mg sodium, 200 g carbs, 12 g fiber, 73 g protein

I didn't go through and find worse case scenarios.  That is what I usually ordered at these places.  I didn't even look up Whataburger or Arby's or Checkers.  I think that the point is made.  It is ridiculous.  The sad thing is that I was not some solitary self-destructive fatso that was doing this alone.  People all over the country eat just like this all the time.  I see what my friends post on Facebook that they eat.  I have eaten with people and had them get the same stuff.  We just don't even think any more.

The point is not whether or not the KFC Double Down is the worst fast food item ever.  The point is that there is actually competition for that position.  I was consuming far beyond what a normal person should eat in a day at one meal!  And so you would have to add another of those numbers for dinner.  And, might as well toss in breakfast too.  Look at those numbers!!!  It is no wonder I was fat.  I'm lucky I wasn't pickled from the inside out.  From the other side, I am horrified at how I used to handle myself.  I guess that I just wanted to give my readers a moment to pause and consider what they actually are consuming.  Go on one of the fast food sites and use their nutrition calculator to see what you really are eating.  Don't take solace in the fact you would never eat a Double Down.  Actually evaluate yourself honestly and seriously.  I wish I had.