McDonald's, I Loathe Thee

Dear McDonalds, You are poisoning the world with your food. 

And thanks for a delicious breakfast. I hate you. Nathan

- From Nathan Fillion's Twitter Account (actor on Firefly and Castle)

I thought that this quote was funny, because it popped up the same day that I was about to write this posting.  I have felt this way about Mickey D's for a long time.  I knew that it was horrible for me.  I could feel myself getting fatter every time that I went in there.  Things like the movie Supersize Me didn't help.  But, somehow I couldn't shake the draw to the Golden Arches.  We never went to McDonald's growing up.  My parents were Burger King people.  In fact, my mom went so far as to try poisoning our mind to McDonald's by telling us that their burgers were made of chopped up worms.  (That is the complete truth - she actually said that.)  It also didn't help the McD's cause when they took forever for a special order.

I have always been picky about my burgers.  I don't eat ketchup, mustard, pickles, or raw onions.  Over time, I started to eat mayo - but not as a kid.  I liked cheese and bacon on my burger.  That was it.  McDonald's put all kinds of junk on their burgers, and they took like twenty minutes to make one fresh without that stuff on it.  Burger King didn't do that.  We had no reason to go to McDonald's.  Their worm burgers took forever to make they way we wanted them.  So it wasn't an option.  We finally started going once in a while when they built one eight blocks from our house - and when they introduced McNuggets.

But McDonald's has a way with people - it sucks you in.  It is like the Fast Food Mafia.  Soon, I had discovered their breakfast sandwiches.  My mom started getting them for me every Saturday on the way back from the grocery store.  Then, in high school, I realized that my mom was full of it - and the burgers were actually pretty good.  That combined with their Jurassic Park and Olympic promotions.  I started eating Mickey D's quite frequently.

When I went to UCF, they built a McDonald's literally right across the street from the school.  It opened right before I enrolled (a little before the Burger King a couple blocks away).  I ate there a LOT.  They had free student drinks.  Then they had tons of coupons for free Arch Deluxes when that aborted effort was being launched.  My friends and I ate there all the time.  When I moved off campus, my last house was across the street from another McDonald's.  I stopped there almost every morning on my way to my internship for breakfast.

This was also when I started having major acid reflux problems.  I didn't know what was going on - just that I felt horrible.  I missed days from internship, or left early a few times.  I honestly had no clue that my atrocious diet was wrecking havoc with my digestive system - that combined with my quickly escalating and undiagnosed egg allergy.  Even with all of that, McDonald's was just too easy to keep in my life.

When people think about McDonald's there are certain things that come to mind.  Reliability and affordability are two of them.  That is what made the chain explode in popularity in the 1950s.  You could go anywhere in the country and get the same quality and price.  Sure, that quality was mediocre at best.  But at least it wasn't awful.  Now, McDonald's is almost the benchmark for affordable dining out.  I know that in our family, we have a saying when we try a restaurant.  "Cheaper Than McDonald's (CTM)"  A dining establishment will get a ringing endorsement if somehow the bill is less than we would pay at McDonald's.  It is not easy to find these places - but there are some out there.  [In Orlando, Uncle Al's Hot Dogs was one of them.  In Tallahassee we have a few places.  Our school discount card makes Tijuana Flats and Pepper's Mexican Grill CTM.  With free kids' meals on the weekends, Steak and Shake becomes CTM.  Black Bean Cuban Cafe always has free kids meals.  Boston Market is always CTM.]

There are two other qualities associated with McDonald's: Kid Friendly and Marketability.  Mickey D's has some of the best marketing in the world.  There ads are everywhere.  They have had songs on commercials that were virtually radio hits.  And their Kids Meal tie-ins have been legendary.  That adds to the kid friendly label.  Most of the big family movies end up going through McDonald's.  They have cool toys and promotional things like glasses.  Plus the McNugget cannot be matched in the pantheon of addictive foods for kids.  Josiah, when he was younger, could spot a McDonald's anywhere.  Gabe is the same way.  If I was to ask the kids right now where they wanted to go to dinner, even odds would be that they picked McDonald's.  It doesn't matter if they went there yesterday or even this morning, they would cheer if I asked them about going for dinner.  As parents, it is hard to find a place the kids are so happy to eat.

So it becomes very difficult to avoid interacting with McDonald's.  But, for me, I have come to the place where I hate McDonald's.  I'm not talking about the normal parental burnout.  I'm saying that I actually detest the place.  When I take the kids, I don't even order anything any more.  I'll sit there and watch everyone eat and get something at home.  Part of it is that there is virtually nothing on the menu I can have.  I mean, look at the foods I could even possibly eat there.  Grilled Chicken sandwich (without the bread), apple dippers, chicken caesar salad, yogurt fruit parfait, and their new fruit smoothies (which are okay - but not that great).  That's it.  While that may seem like a decent option, that brings up the second problem.

Their "healthy" food options are horribly expensive.  The chicken sandwich is almost four bucks.  It seems like a big sandwich, until you take off the football sized bun.  Then it is a pretty pitiful excuse for a chicken breast.  Plus it is jammed full of water and sodium.  The apple dippers are "only" a dollar.  Super, until you realize it is only about a half of an apple's worth of slices.  The yogurt parfait is maybe the size of kid's yogurt with a smattering of fruit.  All of their salads come with cheese on them - plus other stuff.  The caesar is the only one "plain enough" for me - and then you get to top it with their inferior chicken.  The fruit smoothie isn't the worst thing ever - and it is yogurt and fruit.  But it is almost three bucks for a small!  So, if you want to eat healthy at McDonald's, you have to pay through the nose for it.

So, McDonald's tries to position their other food as healthy.  They pitch their McNuggets as a healthy option.  (Only 420 calories for 10!)  DEEP FRIED PROCESSED CHICKEN IS HEALTHY?!?  I can't blame them, per se.  They honestly tried to do things differently.  I remember a few years back, McDonald's introduced a whole line of salads and healthier options.  (Salad Shaker, anyone?)  After a year or so, they quietly made an announcement that they were pulling most of the promos.  There was not interest to justify the new items.  The opposition to McDonald's is always loud.  They scream about how unhealthy the food it.  But then, when the new options were put out there, it turned out there were fewer opponents than everyone thought - they were just very loud.   [SIDE NOTE: That is the same thing Apple is facing right now.  The media makes things out to be huge whenever someone is upset with Apple.  But the number of people is actually small.  Apple sold 4 million iPhone 4 units in the first month.  Only 20,000 people had problems with their antennae.  That is under 1%.  With all the news coverage, you would have thought it was 50%, right?]

One of my bigger frustrations in my weight battle has been that even if I can fight the cravings and addictions, I can't find the culture.  Between traveling and the crazy schedule everyone has, there are just times when we have to eat out.  If you want to eat fast, it is virtually impossible to eat healthy.  If you want to eat healthy, you cannot eat fast - and you often have to pay a tip, which jacks the price up more. McDonald's just capitalizes on the fast paced way of life.  In that regard, they aren't any different than Burger King, Taco Bell, KFC, or any of a hundred other places.  But they certainly do seem to capitalize on that mindset - even encourage it.  And I swear, there is some kind of chemical they put in their McNuggets that make kids crave them all the time.  For now, I am letting my frustration with McDonald's manifest itself as hatred.

Double Down

I have been pretty insulting of the new KFC Double Down sandwich since it dragged it's lard butt onto the American fast food scene.  For those of you who are not familiar with this monstrosity, here is a basic description.  The Double Down is comprised of two fried chicken breasts, which operate as the bun.  Inside, there is bacon, pepper jack cheese, jack cheese, and some mysterious substance known as "Colonel's Sauce."  (There is a "healthier" version that uses grilled patties instead.)  It is being marketed as a "man's sandwich" that is so meaty it doesn't have room for a bun.  The thing looks and sounds horrifying.  It's nutritional information is terrible (540 cal, 32 fat g, 1380 mg sodium -- 460/23/1430 for the grilled).  But, like a train wreck or a torture movie, many people are drawn to it.

Then I found THIS ARTICLE the other day.  (Click on the link if you want to read it.)  This guy is way smarter than me.  He wanted to see if the Double Down was as bad as it appears.  So he constructed a comparison between it and a bunch of other fast food sandwiches (and burritos, I guess).  He added the fat, sodium, and cholesterol in the Double Down and put it up against those same things in other sandwiches.  That is what you see in this first chart.

What you see is that the Double Down actually doesn't fare that poorly - largely due to the fact that there are so many horrible choices for foods out there.  When compared to other chicken sandwiches, the KFC DD has six options worse than it.  And, when burgers enter the argument, it pales in comparison.  Look at the Wendy's and Hardee's numbers!  So, maybe the KFC DD has gotten a bum rap, no?  Well, the writer than goes on to point out that the problem is that the KFC DD actually is worse because it has fewer calories than these other sandwiches.  You are only getting 1/4 of the daily recommended 2000 calories, but you are getting more than 1/2 of the fat, sodium, and cholesterol.  You are getting less bang for your buck.  With the burgers, you probably will feel full for a little while.  With the KFC DD, you will be hungry - maybe even want a second DD.  (Good grief.)  Also, there is absolutely no fiber in the KFC DD, whereas the buns that it abandons brings SOME nutritional value.  This is shown in the second chart - basically dividing the calorie/fat/cholesterol number by calories.

When you look at thing this way, the only thing worse than the fried KFC Double Down is the GRILLED KFC Double Down.  That is because the sodium is higher in the grilled version and the calories are less.  [Trust me.  I tried the regular KFC grilled chicken a few months ago.  It is as salty as beef jerky.  It is horrible.]  The Double Down is even worse that a TRIPLE BACONATOR!  That just makes my jaw drop.  

So, I could have just posted a link to this guy's site.  Why did I bother to write all of this?  Well, I want you to look at that list again.  I have had 27 of those sandwiches before.  While I never have had the triple Baconator, I always ordered the double Baconator when I went to Wendy's.  I have tried the Quad Stacker - but usually got the Triple Stacker.  At McDonald's I would always order a Double Quarter Pounder - with extra cheese.  But it would also include a large fries and large Coke - sometimes with a Frosty or ice cream too.  I never thought about the numbers.  I just ate the stuff because I liked it.  Look at what I would regularly order at these places.

DAILY RECOMMENDED DAILY ALLOWANCE

2000 calories, 65 g fat, 300 mg cholesterol, 2400 mg sodium, 300 g carbs, 25 g fiber, 50 g protein

WENDYS

Double Baconator, Large Fries, Large Coke, Small Frosty

2100 calories, 95 g fat, 245 g cholesterol, 2630 mg sodium, 245 g carbs, 8 g fiber,  73 g protein, 

MCDONALDS

Double Quarter Pounder with Extra Cheese, Large Fries, Large Coke

1650 calories, 74 g fat, 167 g cholesterol, 1777 mg sodium, 196 g carb, 9 g fiber, 55 g protein

BURGER KING

Triple Stacker (no sauce), Large Fries, Large Coke

1610 calories, 77 g fat, 140 g cholesterol, 2120 mg sodium, 200 g carbs, 50 g protein

SONIC

Supersonic with Bacon and Cheese, Mozzarella Sticks, Large Cherry Vanilla Coke

1775 calories, 80 g fat, 211 g cholesterol, 2562 mg sodium, 200 g carbs, 6 g fiber, 69 g protein

TACO BELL

3 Cheesy Gordita Crunch, Soft Taco, Large Pepsi

2220 calories, 108 g fat, 210 g cholesterol, 3625 mg sodium, 249 g carbs, 21 g fiber, 73 g protein

CHICK FIL A

Two Original Chicken Sandwiches with Cheese, Large Fries, Large Coke

1640 calories, 65 g fat, 150 g cholesterol, 3250 mg sodium, 200 g carbs, 12 g fiber, 73 g protein

I didn't go through and find worse case scenarios.  That is what I usually ordered at these places.  I didn't even look up Whataburger or Arby's or Checkers.  I think that the point is made.  It is ridiculous.  The sad thing is that I was not some solitary self-destructive fatso that was doing this alone.  People all over the country eat just like this all the time.  I see what my friends post on Facebook that they eat.  I have eaten with people and had them get the same stuff.  We just don't even think any more.

The point is not whether or not the KFC Double Down is the worst fast food item ever.  The point is that there is actually competition for that position.  I was consuming far beyond what a normal person should eat in a day at one meal!  And so you would have to add another of those numbers for dinner.  And, might as well toss in breakfast too.  Look at those numbers!!!  It is no wonder I was fat.  I'm lucky I wasn't pickled from the inside out.  From the other side, I am horrified at how I used to handle myself.  I guess that I just wanted to give my readers a moment to pause and consider what they actually are consuming.  Go on one of the fast food sites and use their nutrition calculator to see what you really are eating.  Don't take solace in the fact you would never eat a Double Down.  Actually evaluate yourself honestly and seriously.  I wish I had.