Well, things are still just rolling along. I haven't lost any more weight. I haven't gained any more weight. And, since I haven't had much success exercising yet, that is exactly where I will stay for a while. I have continually tweaked things and tested what would happen if I added foods - lightened up the strictness. On Thursdays, I have been having lunch with a friend of mine at Buffalo Wild Wings. The special that day is boneless wings for 60 cents each. I can get ten of those for six bucks, but for me to get their naked unbreaded tenders it is ten dollars. I have a hard time paying that, so I have been experimenting with getting the pseudo wings, even though they are breaded. I'm not very happy doing that, so I will not keep it up - I'm afraid it sets a dangerous precedent. Once I allow breaded chicken back in, where is the line? I need a line.
One thing that I allowed in months ago was frozen yogurt. I was eating yogurt mixed with peanut butter at first. Then I realized that I could eat frozen yogurt for the same calorie hit. So it has been a big part of my diet. It has worked well for me. I don't feel deprived of all "bad for you" foods. It also has been a good ending for my day. I find I don't wander and snack at night if I have frozen yogurt. Also, it seems to help my stomach. That was one reason I started eating ice cream at night years ago was that it helped minimize acid reflux. The frozen yogurt has had the same result.
The problem comes from that I have noticed my helpings of frozen yogurt had grown over the past few months. At first, I had a small dessert bowl of fro yo. Then it moved up to half a cereal bowl. Now it is more than that. I usually can go through a half gallon in three or four days - depending on the flavor. (Edy's cappuccino goes faster.) I had been pretty restrained for a while. But then there were some days when I had a smaller dinner and justified the larger dessert. That soon became the norm.
What really bothered me was that the other day I thought about not eating it and started to feel those old feelings of anger at the thought of being deprived of something I liked. That was when I knew I was in trouble. It was like when I had been doing so well with keeping my movie obsession under control under The Dark Knight came out. To fix that, I intentionally didn't see the movie in the theater and didn't watch the DVD until about six months after the movie came out. It was a way to self-correct the problem. I realized then and there that I had to do something or the frozen yogurt was going to morph into a new area where I lacked control. I am NOT going to let any food get the best of me again. I've had to do this before when I felt certain foods were becoming too important. I went about a month without BBQ at the first of the year, largely reducing my lunches and dinners to variations of chili and beans/rice.
So I stopped having frozen yogurt on Monday. The first night, I wanted to go back on the decision. My only real reason was that I didn't like giving it up - which really showed me I was on the right track. It was hard that first night. I ended up making my lemon/blueberry yogurt and added some dried blueberries and crushed up blueberry rice cakes. It was very good. Sure, it ended up being about the same calories as the frozen yogurt. But it did the trick. Call it hair splitting, but there is a clear difference between regular yogurt and frozen yogurt. Just go try them both and you'll see. Last night was a lot easier. I don't have any fro yo in the house, so there hasn't been temptation to eat it. I snacked on nuts and dried fruit. I still need to find a good alternative, but for the interim I can handle it.
I'm not going to ban frozen yogurt forever. It is a temporary restriction - like my Dark Knight approach. I saw that movie and have watched it several times since then. But it helped me to get things under control. I am back to the place where I can miss a movie I really want to see in the theater and not get upset. (Netflix helps. Take Unstoppable. I really wanted to see it when it was out, but never made it. So I got it on Netflix the other day. I wish I had seen it in the theater because it is a BIG movie. But I saw it eventually - without paying crazy ticket prices.) After this week, I'll see how I'm doing. If I feel I have gotten things under control I will probably get some frozen yogurt. But I am limiting myself to the small dessert bowls again. If I still feel week, it will go back on the no-no list until I get things straight.
I'll see how all of this goes. I wouldn't be surprised if I actually lose a few pounds. Dropping those extra 400 calories a day will probably help me get down to 250 (or below). This is definitely NOT a weight loss move. It is to re-establish control for myself. It really is a neverending battle.
Showing posts with label frozen yogurt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label frozen yogurt. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
WEEK TWENTY FOUR: Twists and Turns
I just finished Week 24 of this whole process. This last four week cycle has been full of ups and downs. I felt some of the worst temptation I have since the outset. And I've had some of the most disheartening things happen - like losing peanut butter. But, it also has been one of the best cycles. I actually lost more in this cycle than in the last cycle - and almost as much as two cycles ago. (I lost five and nine pounds in those.) And I finally broke through the 280 level - which means I am now smaller than I have been since before I was married.
I have looked at some old pictures lately. Our tenth anniversary is in August, and I have been bringing out some old shots from the wedding. When I see them, I think several things. One, man I looked stupid in round glasses. Two, that close hair cut was pretty stupid for a person with a balloon head. And three, I'm not that big. We were in Tampa this past weekend. That allows me to see pictures from the way back time machine - to get an accurate view of how big I actually was. I still have a while to go to get to my college weight. But I am already back to my circa 1998 levels (guessing about that year).
The peanut butter loss was a big problem. Trying to find other options has been difficult - especially regulating the amount of those options. I have pretty much landed on cashews. I prefer the fancy jumbo whole cashews. Why? Because I'm a fancy jumbo kind of guy, I guess. I have NOT gotten into the almond and cashew butters. There are several reasons for this. One, the money. It is expensive to switch to those. I had someone wanting to buy me a jar of cashew butter, just so I could have it and try it. I turned them down. That may seem silly, but it leads into my second reason. I am doing fine without it. I was able to get rid of the peanut butter (on threat of illness). Why would I add back in something almost identical, but three times more expensive? I'll stick with cashews and non-peanut trail mix.
I have found myself really enjoying dried fruit. At first I avoided that, due to the sugar content. But now I realize that eating it in moderation is fine. I always have liked raisins and dried pineapple, but I got away from a lot of that over the years. It didn't compare to donuts and ice cream. Now, though, it is really nice. Dried pineapple, raisins, blueberries, cranberries, bananas, coconut, papaya - all of that is good stuff. I even tried a prune the other day and realized those are really tasty. So, between the dried fruit and cashews, I have replaced the peanuts pretty well.
The other thing I finally buckled on is the frozen yogurt. At first, I avoided it like the plague. Too much like ice cream. But now, it is just a good option. The calorie count is not any worse than eating a container of yogurt. And it is a great dessert. Plus, have you tried these frozen yogurts lately? Good grief. I started with hitting the shops, just to get my bearings. But I have bought some at the store lately. I just am careful about how much I put in my bowl - and the bowl size. If I want to get crazy, I'll cut up a banana with the yogurt and add cashews. I bought Publix brand at first - their peach is awesome. I got some chocolate for the kids and Heather, but I wouldn't eat it. I was trying to avoid chocolate. But I had some the other day. It was really good and I did well with it. This past weekend, Edy's was on sale at Publix BOGO (buy one, get one). That took it to another level. I got a chocolate vanilla swirl. The other one I got was cookies and cream, but I won't eat that one. My flavor was super. They taste just like ice cream, but they have like 40% of the calories. My personal rule is avoid the flavors with stuff in them - like chocolate chunks, cookie pieces, stuff like that. But plain flavors or fruit ones are fine.
It has been a successful cycle, over all. I have found some great food options (frozen yogurt, cashews, fajitas) to mix things up. And I reached a major milestone. I'm excited to see what the next cycle holds. Thanks, as always, for being a part of this with me.
I have looked at some old pictures lately. Our tenth anniversary is in August, and I have been bringing out some old shots from the wedding. When I see them, I think several things. One, man I looked stupid in round glasses. Two, that close hair cut was pretty stupid for a person with a balloon head. And three, I'm not that big. We were in Tampa this past weekend. That allows me to see pictures from the way back time machine - to get an accurate view of how big I actually was. I still have a while to go to get to my college weight. But I am already back to my circa 1998 levels (guessing about that year).
The peanut butter loss was a big problem. Trying to find other options has been difficult - especially regulating the amount of those options. I have pretty much landed on cashews. I prefer the fancy jumbo whole cashews. Why? Because I'm a fancy jumbo kind of guy, I guess. I have NOT gotten into the almond and cashew butters. There are several reasons for this. One, the money. It is expensive to switch to those. I had someone wanting to buy me a jar of cashew butter, just so I could have it and try it. I turned them down. That may seem silly, but it leads into my second reason. I am doing fine without it. I was able to get rid of the peanut butter (on threat of illness). Why would I add back in something almost identical, but three times more expensive? I'll stick with cashews and non-peanut trail mix.
I have found myself really enjoying dried fruit. At first I avoided that, due to the sugar content. But now I realize that eating it in moderation is fine. I always have liked raisins and dried pineapple, but I got away from a lot of that over the years. It didn't compare to donuts and ice cream. Now, though, it is really nice. Dried pineapple, raisins, blueberries, cranberries, bananas, coconut, papaya - all of that is good stuff. I even tried a prune the other day and realized those are really tasty. So, between the dried fruit and cashews, I have replaced the peanuts pretty well.
The other thing I finally buckled on is the frozen yogurt. At first, I avoided it like the plague. Too much like ice cream. But now, it is just a good option. The calorie count is not any worse than eating a container of yogurt. And it is a great dessert. Plus, have you tried these frozen yogurts lately? Good grief. I started with hitting the shops, just to get my bearings. But I have bought some at the store lately. I just am careful about how much I put in my bowl - and the bowl size. If I want to get crazy, I'll cut up a banana with the yogurt and add cashews. I bought Publix brand at first - their peach is awesome. I got some chocolate for the kids and Heather, but I wouldn't eat it. I was trying to avoid chocolate. But I had some the other day. It was really good and I did well with it. This past weekend, Edy's was on sale at Publix BOGO (buy one, get one). That took it to another level. I got a chocolate vanilla swirl. The other one I got was cookies and cream, but I won't eat that one. My flavor was super. They taste just like ice cream, but they have like 40% of the calories. My personal rule is avoid the flavors with stuff in them - like chocolate chunks, cookie pieces, stuff like that. But plain flavors or fruit ones are fine.
It has been a successful cycle, over all. I have found some great food options (frozen yogurt, cashews, fajitas) to mix things up. And I reached a major milestone. I'm excited to see what the next cycle holds. Thanks, as always, for being a part of this with me.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Mental Roller Coaster
So much of this process is mental. It is changing the way I think about food and life. I think that is why in the past I never succeeded long term, even when I was doing well short term. I may have found ways to plug things into the diet formula. But it never actually translated into thinking differently about things. I still craved foods and saw the diet as a short term proposal. I couldn't wait until I got off the diet and could eat the same way again. That is one thing that is definitely different this time - I have somehow been able to see this as a permanent life change. It was a mental step before a single food choice.
And, as I talk to people who have come to me over the last few months about diets and such, I can see that the number one problem most people have is that they mentally are not willing to make a long term change. There are several guys I know who are in the same boat as me - naturally bigger guys carrying too much weight and desperately addicted to certain unhealthy foods. This is a BIG problem for guys. It is socially acceptable for guys to consume more food and to eat more "manly foods." So they get drawn to big hefty foods - giant burritos, triple burgers, mammoth butter drenched steaks. And breaking that addiction is their big struggle. How can they start eating "sissy foods" like salads and soups and quiche?
That is one reason the Atkins' Diet is such a big draw for guys. You can still eat horrible food and see weight drop off. By depriving yourself of carbs, you can slim down fast. And the menu is stuffed full of man-friendly foods. Going to a fast food place? Grab a triple cheeseburger and take the bun off. Get the biggest steak you can at a steak place. Pour cheese on everything. You don't have to worry about calories or fat. Just avoid carbs. (This even includes fruit and veggie based carbs.) But, it does not teach a person to eat differently. It just is cheating the system. And the second you go off the diet, you gain everything back. If anything, you are in WORSE shape because it fed the addiction. You can't go back to regular cheeseburgers, now that you have spend months eating triples.
It is a mental effort - even more than a physical one. Most of the battle is fought - and, subsequently, won and lost - in the mind. This is true of any addiction. It just requires seeing the food battle as a true addiction battle. Each food choice must be considered carefully. You can't even grab a handful of snacks without thinking through it first. What exactly is this I am about to eat? Will this cause me a problem? Is this a food that I have a problem controlling my intake of? Is this food close to a problem food for me? will it trigger a desire in me I can't handle?
For example, Frosted Mini Wheats brought out Chocolate Bite Size Mini Wheats a while back. We finally let the kids try them about two or three months ago. They loved them. So, we frequently have them in the house. My argument is that they are still mini wheats, which is one of the better cereals. And they are a better snack than cookies or brownies. So the kids have them for breakfast and sometimes for snacks - especially Gabe, who loves having them. They are cereal. And they are a healthier cereal. But I refuse to even try them. Why? They are chocolate. I don't want to introduce that product into my world again. Chocolate cereal is just too dangerous for me. I also am not eating cereal, due to the carbs. I could come up with arguments why that would be okay. But I feel there is danger there. The only chocolate I ever have is in the Stonyfield Farms Fat Free Chocolate Underground yogurt, when I mix it with peanut butter as a fruit dip. And, trust me, if you ranked that product on the chocolate flavor scale, it would be right down on the bottom near chocolate scratch and sniff stickers.
That is the kind of vigilance that is necessary. There cannot be stray snacking or ingredients. I have to know what I'm eating. I don't write something off and say, "Oh no biggie. There was hardly any on there." Like when someone puts cheese on my salad. Grrrr. Now, there is definitely a down side to this kind of mental hyper-sensitivity. There are times when that kind of careful approach leads to constantly second guessing myself - especially if things don't go well. Every time I come to a kind of "gray area" food, it is a huge mental fight. This happened when I decided to add in peanut butter, switch to vanilla/flavored yogurt from plain, eat beans again, bring back rice. I would wrestle within my brain over whether or not it was okay for me to bring those foods in. I would feel guilty once I did. If there was any kind of glitch with my weight, I would freak out. And then, finally, I would realize things were fine and I needed to get a grip on my weirdness.
Let me give you an example of this mental roller coaster. Things have been a little out of the ordinary for us for the last week or so. Last Monday, I drove down to Orlando for four days. That meant that I was eating out a lot, away from my comfort zone. On Thursday, I drove to Tampa to drop off a computer with my mom. I drove back home that same day. On Friday, we drove over to Orange Park for the weekend with Heather's family. We spent the day in St. Augustine on Saturday. Monday night, we came back home. This week, the kids have their last week of school. They get out at lunch time, so that throws off schedules. So, for the last week and a half, I have been confronted by all kinds of dangerous situations. Pizza. Brownies. Bread and chips on the table at restaurants. Grocery stores out of town. Not having my stash of snack foods. Weird schedules that affect meal times. Favorite restaurants that had trouble meals I used to eat a lot. And tons of driving - long boring drives. I could have wrecked in a huge manner - and it would have been "understandable." But I didn't. I had BBQ. I had fajitas (without cheese, sour cream, or tortillas). I made yogurt dip. It actually was another big victory. But, was I happy? No. I found myself upset this morning - beating myself up about frozen yogurt.
Frozen yogurt is the lastest food I wrestle with myself about. On one level, it is just yogurt. It has fewer calories than ice cream. It isn't that much different than the yogurt I am eating at night. I can top it with fruit and nuts. And, there is an explosion of places that sell frozen yogurt. I found three in Orlando. There are four up here in Tallahassee. We even found one in St. Augustine. But, it is awfully close to ice cream. And, through my travels, I ended up having frozen yogurt three times in the last week. Last night was the third time. I took the family to TCBY. And I beat myself up about it. I didn't have anything wrong. I had bananas, strawberries, peanut butter and yogurt. But I was worrying that I was slipping into the ice cream trap. I was getting beside myself by this morning - convinced that I had ruined everything.
On Friday, after my Orlando trip, I had weighed 287.0 pounds. That was down about a pound from before my trip. But, on Tuesday (yesterday), after the Orange Park trip, I was up to 288.6. I had gained weight over the weekend. So I sat there an analyzed everything I had eaten. "It was probably the yogurt in St. Augustine. Or the yogurt dip. Maybe it was too many cherries or beans." I was beating myself up. And this morning, I was sure that I had done myself in yesterday. The dessert had probably put me back up over 290. Finally, I forced myself to weigh. I try not to weigh except on Monday and Friday. That keeps me from obsessing every day over my weight. But, there are times when my mind is going absolutely nuts, that I force myself to get on the scale during the week. It is to either validate the fears - and give me something sure to work from. Or it is to cancel the fears, so I won't keep worrying. That was what I needed to do today.
285.0
I don't understand how I lost 3.6 pounds since yesterday. There probably was some water retention from all the driving. Who knows. All I know is that I hit seventy pounds lost with that weigh in. It also, once again, helped to diffuse a worry I had about slightly expanding an acceptable food definition. Frozen yogurt is okay. But I do need to restrict it to a rarity. It is too easy to mess up with that. At least it is an okay option when everyone is getting dessert.
It's mental. That is good and bad. I don't like the mental gymnastics and thrashing. But I wouldn't want to go back to mindless eating. I am still learning how to be strict, and cut myself some slack. I usually drift towards one or the other. I can clamp down and ban things. Or I can not care and just do whatever. But it is hard to stay anchored in the middle - merciful strictness. (Of course, that is the same kind of struggle I have as a parent.) Even when the battle on the scale is being won, the one in the mind still rages strong.
And, as I talk to people who have come to me over the last few months about diets and such, I can see that the number one problem most people have is that they mentally are not willing to make a long term change. There are several guys I know who are in the same boat as me - naturally bigger guys carrying too much weight and desperately addicted to certain unhealthy foods. This is a BIG problem for guys. It is socially acceptable for guys to consume more food and to eat more "manly foods." So they get drawn to big hefty foods - giant burritos, triple burgers, mammoth butter drenched steaks. And breaking that addiction is their big struggle. How can they start eating "sissy foods" like salads and soups and quiche?
That is one reason the Atkins' Diet is such a big draw for guys. You can still eat horrible food and see weight drop off. By depriving yourself of carbs, you can slim down fast. And the menu is stuffed full of man-friendly foods. Going to a fast food place? Grab a triple cheeseburger and take the bun off. Get the biggest steak you can at a steak place. Pour cheese on everything. You don't have to worry about calories or fat. Just avoid carbs. (This even includes fruit and veggie based carbs.) But, it does not teach a person to eat differently. It just is cheating the system. And the second you go off the diet, you gain everything back. If anything, you are in WORSE shape because it fed the addiction. You can't go back to regular cheeseburgers, now that you have spend months eating triples.
It is a mental effort - even more than a physical one. Most of the battle is fought - and, subsequently, won and lost - in the mind. This is true of any addiction. It just requires seeing the food battle as a true addiction battle. Each food choice must be considered carefully. You can't even grab a handful of snacks without thinking through it first. What exactly is this I am about to eat? Will this cause me a problem? Is this a food that I have a problem controlling my intake of? Is this food close to a problem food for me? will it trigger a desire in me I can't handle?
For example, Frosted Mini Wheats brought out Chocolate Bite Size Mini Wheats a while back. We finally let the kids try them about two or three months ago. They loved them. So, we frequently have them in the house. My argument is that they are still mini wheats, which is one of the better cereals. And they are a better snack than cookies or brownies. So the kids have them for breakfast and sometimes for snacks - especially Gabe, who loves having them. They are cereal. And they are a healthier cereal. But I refuse to even try them. Why? They are chocolate. I don't want to introduce that product into my world again. Chocolate cereal is just too dangerous for me. I also am not eating cereal, due to the carbs. I could come up with arguments why that would be okay. But I feel there is danger there. The only chocolate I ever have is in the Stonyfield Farms Fat Free Chocolate Underground yogurt, when I mix it with peanut butter as a fruit dip. And, trust me, if you ranked that product on the chocolate flavor scale, it would be right down on the bottom near chocolate scratch and sniff stickers.
That is the kind of vigilance that is necessary. There cannot be stray snacking or ingredients. I have to know what I'm eating. I don't write something off and say, "Oh no biggie. There was hardly any on there." Like when someone puts cheese on my salad. Grrrr. Now, there is definitely a down side to this kind of mental hyper-sensitivity. There are times when that kind of careful approach leads to constantly second guessing myself - especially if things don't go well. Every time I come to a kind of "gray area" food, it is a huge mental fight. This happened when I decided to add in peanut butter, switch to vanilla/flavored yogurt from plain, eat beans again, bring back rice. I would wrestle within my brain over whether or not it was okay for me to bring those foods in. I would feel guilty once I did. If there was any kind of glitch with my weight, I would freak out. And then, finally, I would realize things were fine and I needed to get a grip on my weirdness.
Let me give you an example of this mental roller coaster. Things have been a little out of the ordinary for us for the last week or so. Last Monday, I drove down to Orlando for four days. That meant that I was eating out a lot, away from my comfort zone. On Thursday, I drove to Tampa to drop off a computer with my mom. I drove back home that same day. On Friday, we drove over to Orange Park for the weekend with Heather's family. We spent the day in St. Augustine on Saturday. Monday night, we came back home. This week, the kids have their last week of school. They get out at lunch time, so that throws off schedules. So, for the last week and a half, I have been confronted by all kinds of dangerous situations. Pizza. Brownies. Bread and chips on the table at restaurants. Grocery stores out of town. Not having my stash of snack foods. Weird schedules that affect meal times. Favorite restaurants that had trouble meals I used to eat a lot. And tons of driving - long boring drives. I could have wrecked in a huge manner - and it would have been "understandable." But I didn't. I had BBQ. I had fajitas (without cheese, sour cream, or tortillas). I made yogurt dip. It actually was another big victory. But, was I happy? No. I found myself upset this morning - beating myself up about frozen yogurt.
Frozen yogurt is the lastest food I wrestle with myself about. On one level, it is just yogurt. It has fewer calories than ice cream. It isn't that much different than the yogurt I am eating at night. I can top it with fruit and nuts. And, there is an explosion of places that sell frozen yogurt. I found three in Orlando. There are four up here in Tallahassee. We even found one in St. Augustine. But, it is awfully close to ice cream. And, through my travels, I ended up having frozen yogurt three times in the last week. Last night was the third time. I took the family to TCBY. And I beat myself up about it. I didn't have anything wrong. I had bananas, strawberries, peanut butter and yogurt. But I was worrying that I was slipping into the ice cream trap. I was getting beside myself by this morning - convinced that I had ruined everything.
On Friday, after my Orlando trip, I had weighed 287.0 pounds. That was down about a pound from before my trip. But, on Tuesday (yesterday), after the Orange Park trip, I was up to 288.6. I had gained weight over the weekend. So I sat there an analyzed everything I had eaten. "It was probably the yogurt in St. Augustine. Or the yogurt dip. Maybe it was too many cherries or beans." I was beating myself up. And this morning, I was sure that I had done myself in yesterday. The dessert had probably put me back up over 290. Finally, I forced myself to weigh. I try not to weigh except on Monday and Friday. That keeps me from obsessing every day over my weight. But, there are times when my mind is going absolutely nuts, that I force myself to get on the scale during the week. It is to either validate the fears - and give me something sure to work from. Or it is to cancel the fears, so I won't keep worrying. That was what I needed to do today.
285.0
I don't understand how I lost 3.6 pounds since yesterday. There probably was some water retention from all the driving. Who knows. All I know is that I hit seventy pounds lost with that weigh in. It also, once again, helped to diffuse a worry I had about slightly expanding an acceptable food definition. Frozen yogurt is okay. But I do need to restrict it to a rarity. It is too easy to mess up with that. At least it is an okay option when everyone is getting dessert.
It's mental. That is good and bad. I don't like the mental gymnastics and thrashing. But I wouldn't want to go back to mindless eating. I am still learning how to be strict, and cut myself some slack. I usually drift towards one or the other. I can clamp down and ban things. Or I can not care and just do whatever. But it is hard to stay anchored in the middle - merciful strictness. (Of course, that is the same kind of struggle I have as a parent.) Even when the battle on the scale is being won, the one in the mind still rages strong.
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