I really can't believe that it has been a whole year. Last MLK weekend, for some reason, things finally clicked and decided to do something about my weight and food issues. It has been a long journey. It has not been easy. But, quite honestly, it has been a lot easier and quick than I thought. First, let me throw up the numbers that I know everyone thirsts for.
2010
355 pounds
4XLT Shirts
50" waist
Hole 1 of bigger belt
2011
255 pounds
XLT Shirts
38" waist
Hole 9 of smaller belt
Yes, things fluctuate all the time. I was down to 253 about ten days ago. Then I was back up 258 after traveling and driving all weekend. But most of the last month I have been at 255. The fluctuations are annoying - and one of those frustrations that have derailed me in the past. (And they also are the most disheartening things with my friends who are working on their weight and food right now.) You can do everything right and take in too much salt and then drift up a couple pounds right at weigh-in time. Then, with no warning, you'll drop four pounds in a week. Fluctuations stink.
But this post is not about complaining. It is a celebration. That is how I have viewed this past weekend. On Friday night, we had our Tallahassee friends over for a Tex-Mex fiesta to celebrate the one year anniversary. It felt appropriate. Weight loss and dieting is such a solitary thing - most of the time. That is how I had always approached it. You are fighting alone, looking at all the fun everyone else is having. This time, though, I did something different. I involved my friends and family from the very beginning. The first thing I did was send an email out to a core group of supporters to ask for prayer. That email is one of the first posts on this blog. Speaking of this blog, it was another way to bring supporters into the process. I was journaling my journey - working through issues and struggles. I also posted monthly updates on Facebook. This brought accountability. I wasn't alone. That brought comfort, in the fact that I had people to turn to. But it also kept me going, because I didn't want to have to admit to bunch of people I had binged on fried cheese.
There is no way I could have done this without all the people around me. I can't even explain the feeling in knowing that fifty or sixty people were reading this blog after every Facebook update. It made me feel good - like a jolt of energy to keep me on track. Every email, blog comment, Facebook status comment was another push in the right direction. Every time I saw someone who gushed about how good I looked, it just made me more driven. Those things are so important to a person making a life change. They need to know other people are proud of them and rooting for them.
It went beyond just edification. My friends and family went overboard to make sure I succeeded. "I want to make sure you have what you need to eat." I heard that every time I was staying at someone's house. Most people don't have Fage brand cherry Greek yogurt in their fridge. My friends and family members do every time I'm in town. The average family doesn't cook chicken breast at a kiddie birthday party. They don't have frozen yogurt in their fridge or big jars of cashews in their cupboard. My friends do. My friends make two stops when picking up food - one at McDonalds or Chick-Fil-A and one at a BBQ place for me. My friends and family forego going to Olive Garden and Carrabbas when I'm around. They put up with Mexican food a lot. And LOTS of BBQ. They eat at Boston Market. They ask before they bake things if I can handle it. They make extra sides at dinners so there are things for me to eat. For all those people who wonder how I did this - that's how. I had an army of people making sure I didn't fail. They didn't want to be the one that tripped me up. And they saw it as them participating in it. When I won, they won. And THAT is something I never saw coming. I was prepared to go through this alone and hungry. And that never happened. Even if I started to feel that way, my kids would say something about my diet or brag on me to their teacher and I remembered I was NOT alone.
People ask me all the time how I feel. The biggest word I can use to describe how I feel now is FREE. I am free from having to make bad choices. I really understand freedom now. It isn't being able to do whatever you want. It is not having to do certain things. I don't have to order cheeseburgers when I go to a restaurant. I don't have to stick with the all-fried appetizer combo. I don't have to drink soda to be satisfied. I don't have to stop at McDonald's for breakfast. This past weekend, we went to a party for a friend's little girl. There was pizza and cupcakes and soda. Yes, there was a twinge of disappointment. But there was not even one split second that I considered partaking. I looked at the food options and just knew that I would have to stop at Huey Magoo's on the way back to the hotel. In years past - even in diets past - I would have taken the hit and tried to get past it later. Not this time. I didn't even think about it. I was free.
I'm freer in my clothing choices. I'm not limited to the three button colored short sleeve shirt any more. I wear straight leg jeans instead of loose fit. I buy shirts at Target instead of Casual Male. I am free of those hateful beliefs about myself. I see myself differently. It is an unbelievable feeling. As any American should know, freedom is an intoxicating feeling. Actually, more Americans take it for granted. The people who realize that are those who move here from a place where freedom is only a dream. The same goes for someone who beats an addiction. Only a former prisoner can truly appreciate being free. I was that prisoner. I was trapped in solitary confinement in a prison of my construction made of walls of donuts and pizza crust, with a moat of Mountain Dew. Now I am free, surrounded by people who love me - and who will get to love me for a longer period of time, since I won't die from my stupid food choices. And it is the greatest feeling in the world. I wouldn't say Darth Fatso is dead yet. But he is well on is way. Thank you all for being there for me during this.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
In My Sleevies
One of the more exciting and frustrating parts of this whole weight loss process is having to get new clothes. On one hand, it is fun to get new clothes. I don't know too many people who are down on that. "Boo! I want my old ratty clothes. I don't want new stuff!" Sure, my kids do that, but they are insane. So the concept of "new clothes" is not the problem. Neither is the exhilaration of trying on something in a size that used to be something you wore to recreate Chris Farley's "Fat guy in a little coat" scene from Tommy Boy and actually having it fit. That rocks.
The frustrating thing is having to figure out the inconsistent stupid sizing methods at stores. Why is there not a uniform sizing system? Isn't this somewhere the government should step in? I mean, there is a globally accepted system of weights and measures. "A pound's a pound the world around." Right? Imagine the uproar if companies could decide what a cup or an ounce was. One pound bag of flour is bigger than another. Ridiculous. Even worse - what if Starbucks decided their 12 ounce cup would be smaller than everyone else's. UPROAR!!! Clothes should be subject to this too. I mean, they are measuring the amount of human that fits into the pants, right? Unify that junk.
Old Navy is like the perfect example of this mind-bending sizing process. I wear 38 inch waist, 30 inch inseam straight leg jeans there. They fit perfect. But, if I try to put on a 38/30 pair of cargo pants or khakis, they don't fit. The employees there have told me it is because they have different factories making the different pants. Uh, does that mean the different factories have different size tape measures? That's no excuse. But it isn't just their pants, either. Their shirts are the worst. Their 2XL shirts are probably the equivalent of a small XL somewhere else. It is like everything there is sized down one letter.
Shirts are a big frustration to me. Back in the day, when I was turning into a human Macy's Thanksgiving Day Balloon, ("And now the Darth Fatso balloon is drifting down the boulevard. The amazing thing, Al, is that this balloon is actually 10 percent LARGER than last year.") I would just get whatever I could hide my body in. And since I was usually shopping in Fat and Tall stores, the sleeves were rarely an issue. The stores were used to seeing people with orangutan arms. They accommodate that. No such luck any longer. I guess companies, as they move shirts sizes upward, also move sleeve lengths up. Heather got me a 4XL long-sleeved UCF shirt two years ago for Christmas. If I didn't pull the sleeves up, they would hang past my hands. The same was true for my Apple Store long sleeve shirt - the sleeves hang to my fingertips.
When I ordered some 2XL long sleeve FSU Med School shirts a few months back, the sleeves are about two inches up my arm. When I got measured at Men's Wearhouse in December, they reiterated the fact that I have longer arms than average for my size. I guess I never really noticed because I was too busy worrying about the gigantic gut. Now, though, I realize that my measurements lead to a nightmare of shopping. My inseam is the same as my father-in-law's - who is six-seven inches shorter than me. So I have very short legs. I have a long torso, which means I have to get the next size up shirt - or always shop at a Big/Tall shop. Case in point... At Target, I found some nice long sleeve flannel shirts. (Always have been a sucker for plaid flannel shirts. I think I was supposed to be a lumberjack.) The 2XL shirts have a great sleeve length and are long enough, but they really are too wide. I can button and wear the XL shirts, but they have the bare midriff look that is so hot right now.
So I have broad shoulders, a little bit of a stomach (still, yes), a very long torso, gorilla arms, normal waist, and tiny legs. My measurements don't exactly make things easy. But it certainly is compounded by the inconsistent sizes out there. In the recent past, I have fit into an XLT vest, 2XL shirts, 2XLT shirts, and 3XL shirts (won't buy those, no way). I also have fit into 38/30, 40/30, 42/30, and 46/30 pants. Of course, as they say, it's a nice problem to have. I just wish I knew what size I actually am.
The frustrating thing is having to figure out the inconsistent stupid sizing methods at stores. Why is there not a uniform sizing system? Isn't this somewhere the government should step in? I mean, there is a globally accepted system of weights and measures. "A pound's a pound the world around." Right? Imagine the uproar if companies could decide what a cup or an ounce was. One pound bag of flour is bigger than another. Ridiculous. Even worse - what if Starbucks decided their 12 ounce cup would be smaller than everyone else's. UPROAR!!! Clothes should be subject to this too. I mean, they are measuring the amount of human that fits into the pants, right? Unify that junk.
Old Navy is like the perfect example of this mind-bending sizing process. I wear 38 inch waist, 30 inch inseam straight leg jeans there. They fit perfect. But, if I try to put on a 38/30 pair of cargo pants or khakis, they don't fit. The employees there have told me it is because they have different factories making the different pants. Uh, does that mean the different factories have different size tape measures? That's no excuse. But it isn't just their pants, either. Their shirts are the worst. Their 2XL shirts are probably the equivalent of a small XL somewhere else. It is like everything there is sized down one letter.
Shirts are a big frustration to me. Back in the day, when I was turning into a human Macy's Thanksgiving Day Balloon, ("And now the Darth Fatso balloon is drifting down the boulevard. The amazing thing, Al, is that this balloon is actually 10 percent LARGER than last year.") I would just get whatever I could hide my body in. And since I was usually shopping in Fat and Tall stores, the sleeves were rarely an issue. The stores were used to seeing people with orangutan arms. They accommodate that. No such luck any longer. I guess companies, as they move shirts sizes upward, also move sleeve lengths up. Heather got me a 4XL long-sleeved UCF shirt two years ago for Christmas. If I didn't pull the sleeves up, they would hang past my hands. The same was true for my Apple Store long sleeve shirt - the sleeves hang to my fingertips.
When I ordered some 2XL long sleeve FSU Med School shirts a few months back, the sleeves are about two inches up my arm. When I got measured at Men's Wearhouse in December, they reiterated the fact that I have longer arms than average for my size. I guess I never really noticed because I was too busy worrying about the gigantic gut. Now, though, I realize that my measurements lead to a nightmare of shopping. My inseam is the same as my father-in-law's - who is six-seven inches shorter than me. So I have very short legs. I have a long torso, which means I have to get the next size up shirt - or always shop at a Big/Tall shop. Case in point... At Target, I found some nice long sleeve flannel shirts. (Always have been a sucker for plaid flannel shirts. I think I was supposed to be a lumberjack.) The 2XL shirts have a great sleeve length and are long enough, but they really are too wide. I can button and wear the XL shirts, but they have the bare midriff look that is so hot right now.
So I have broad shoulders, a little bit of a stomach (still, yes), a very long torso, gorilla arms, normal waist, and tiny legs. My measurements don't exactly make things easy. But it certainly is compounded by the inconsistent sizes out there. In the recent past, I have fit into an XLT vest, 2XL shirts, 2XLT shirts, and 3XL shirts (won't buy those, no way). I also have fit into 38/30, 40/30, 42/30, and 46/30 pants. Of course, as they say, it's a nice problem to have. I just wish I knew what size I actually am.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Year's Day
Today is New Year's Day. January 1, 2011. As all the twitter feeds and news sources will tell you, this is the chance for a new beginning. It is a time to make promises and resolutions - a time to start fresh and new. I have always found it interesting that the vast number of people end the old year doing all the same things they have always done (getting hammered, partying, making questionable choices, staying up too late) and then expect the calendar flip to give them the willpower to stop doing that.
I have always been one of those people. Every January 1, I would try to tell myself that I could change things the next year. This would be the year that I finally starting reading my Bible consistently or praying more often. I finally would get my temper under control. And, of course, I would lose weight. It is the number one resolution that people make. I made it so often that I finally stopped. When people would ask me what my resolutions were, I would tell them I didn't make them because they didn't matter. But, deep down inside, I hoped that somehow I would be able to do it anyway.
It really is a ridiculous effort - to put so much weight (ha ha) on one day. But millions of people do it every year. The problem is that when you wake up on the First, nothing really has changed. You are the same person with the same addictions and weaknesses and history. Your kitchen is full of the same problem foods. There are the same holiday cookies and cakes, the same snack foods. There probably are leftovers from the party the night before. How can anyone expect to walk downstairs and into a new life like that? It is setting yourself up for failure. And that just feeds the cycle.
When the inevitable failure comes - which odds are it will - that is just more ammo in the weapons of doubt and shame. It is another example of how this problem is too big to defeat. You train yourself to fail.
This year is so much different for me. This morning I woke up and realized for the first time that I could even remember, I didn't say, "Maybe this year I can lose weight." Instead I woke up and said, "I weigh 100 pounds less than I did last year." That was an exhilarating feeling. I have almost gone an entire calendar year now. I have made it through every major holiday, every possible trap and pitfall. There wasn't a resolution to be made. The thing is, it came through hard work and planning and discipline. Those are the things that resolutions don't have. It takes preparation and execution - commitment. I find it fitting that my journey didn't begin on January 1. It was on the 18th. It is kind of symbolic that it wasn't a whim of a thought - it was a serious choice.
For those of you out there who are struggling, I pray that this year you are able to find victory and freedom. Don't get wrapped up in meeting some arbitrary goal set because the calendar flipped. Take your time and plan. Realize this is going to be a long process. But, in the grand scheme of things, what is a year? It is a blip in your life. If it takes a whole year to get your weight under control, so what? You still have all those later years that will be better because of it. Don't give up if you mess up on January 4. Don't quit if you haven't lost all 30 pounds by April 15, or if you have a month with no changes. Keep pressing forward. It will be worth it.
Take it from a person who has lived this. For the first time ever, I can enter the new year with a new mindset. I'm not done yet. But it is a lot less daunting thinking that I only need to lose 30 or 50 pounds instead of 150! Let your resolution be that you will give yourself the chance to succeed. Happy New Year, friends.
I have always been one of those people. Every January 1, I would try to tell myself that I could change things the next year. This would be the year that I finally starting reading my Bible consistently or praying more often. I finally would get my temper under control. And, of course, I would lose weight. It is the number one resolution that people make. I made it so often that I finally stopped. When people would ask me what my resolutions were, I would tell them I didn't make them because they didn't matter. But, deep down inside, I hoped that somehow I would be able to do it anyway.
It really is a ridiculous effort - to put so much weight (ha ha) on one day. But millions of people do it every year. The problem is that when you wake up on the First, nothing really has changed. You are the same person with the same addictions and weaknesses and history. Your kitchen is full of the same problem foods. There are the same holiday cookies and cakes, the same snack foods. There probably are leftovers from the party the night before. How can anyone expect to walk downstairs and into a new life like that? It is setting yourself up for failure. And that just feeds the cycle.
When the inevitable failure comes - which odds are it will - that is just more ammo in the weapons of doubt and shame. It is another example of how this problem is too big to defeat. You train yourself to fail.
This year is so much different for me. This morning I woke up and realized for the first time that I could even remember, I didn't say, "Maybe this year I can lose weight." Instead I woke up and said, "I weigh 100 pounds less than I did last year." That was an exhilarating feeling. I have almost gone an entire calendar year now. I have made it through every major holiday, every possible trap and pitfall. There wasn't a resolution to be made. The thing is, it came through hard work and planning and discipline. Those are the things that resolutions don't have. It takes preparation and execution - commitment. I find it fitting that my journey didn't begin on January 1. It was on the 18th. It is kind of symbolic that it wasn't a whim of a thought - it was a serious choice.
For those of you out there who are struggling, I pray that this year you are able to find victory and freedom. Don't get wrapped up in meeting some arbitrary goal set because the calendar flipped. Take your time and plan. Realize this is going to be a long process. But, in the grand scheme of things, what is a year? It is a blip in your life. If it takes a whole year to get your weight under control, so what? You still have all those later years that will be better because of it. Don't give up if you mess up on January 4. Don't quit if you haven't lost all 30 pounds by April 15, or if you have a month with no changes. Keep pressing forward. It will be worth it.
Take it from a person who has lived this. For the first time ever, I can enter the new year with a new mindset. I'm not done yet. But it is a lot less daunting thinking that I only need to lose 30 or 50 pounds instead of 150! Let your resolution be that you will give yourself the chance to succeed. Happy New Year, friends.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
WEEK 48: 100
When you are battling any addiction, having milestones is essential. Each benchmark passed is an encouragement to keep going. It is kind of like those auto-save features on a video game. The goal is that if you slip a little, you never go back past that point. It gives you an extra push to keep moving forward. That is why recovering addicts mark the days, months, years of sobriety. It is a way to celebrate how far they have come. But it also is a way to provide strength in weaker moments. Sometimes the only thing that stops you from snarfing down a jelly donut is that it will ruin a benchmark.
I've had tons of these during this process. For me, losing 50 pounds, hitting 300 pounds, hitting 280 were all personal victories for me. But there was one benchmark that was the most important to me. 100 pounds. That truly was my only goal. I wanted to lose 100 pounds in the first year. And honestly, if that was all I could lose, I would be happy. It was more important than hitting 250 or 220 or even 200. If I lost 100 pounds, then I would have truly accomplished something incredible. I've been drifting downward lately. And, frankly, I was worried that I would actually meet my goal.
Today, though, I hit it. We were traveling yesterday, which was my usual four week check-in day. So this morning I had to weigh at my in-laws' house. I hate using different scales because they all seem to weigh in their own unique style. So when the scale popped up "254.6" I was dubious. I got off and walked around and then got on again. "254.6" I went out and asked my mother-in-law how accurate her scale was. I had used it once before and it was pretty close to ours. She said it was comparable to her doctor's scale. I was still nervous. It wasn't just 100 pounds that it hit; it actually was 101 pounds. Heather and her mom tried to convince me that it was probably right. I couldn't believe it because that meant that I had dropped over five pounds in the last four weeks.
Five pounds?!? Over the holidays? While driving 800 miles in the last five days? That doesn't compute. Sure, I'm not eating holiday goodies. But I have been having the occasional latte. However, one thing I have learned over this process is to not try to figure out the weight loss. It comes in spurts. It stops and starts. No rhyme or reason. So I figured that even if the scale was off by a pound - or even a pound and a half - it would still be 100 pounds.
I'm not gonna lie to you, I threw my arms up in the air and was very very happy.
But, this is far from over. So, what's next? I reached my goal almost a month early (28 days to be exact). My game plan had been to hit 100 pounds on diet alone, if possible. Then I would add in exercise. So that is that next step. When we get back to Tallahassee at the first of the year, I will start walking and using the Wii Fit again. I'll see how that goes and if I can find a way to work more stuff into my tight schedule. People have asked what my ultimate goal is. I don't really know. The only number I had in my head was 100 pounds. I am going to go as far as I can take this. My diet is set. I am not going to make small alterations just to drop a pound or two. I am very comfortable with how I am eating. It is easy to maintain and it is pretty healthy. So now I will see how much I can drop by adding in exercise. The number floating around in my head is 220. If I can drop another 30 pounds in the next year, I would be happy. If I could hit 200, I would be ecstatic. I know the BMI charts say 180 is ideal - but I am not going to be ultra-restrictive and regimented to get there. Today, though, is a day for celebrating. 100 pounds. Thank you God.
I've had tons of these during this process. For me, losing 50 pounds, hitting 300 pounds, hitting 280 were all personal victories for me. But there was one benchmark that was the most important to me. 100 pounds. That truly was my only goal. I wanted to lose 100 pounds in the first year. And honestly, if that was all I could lose, I would be happy. It was more important than hitting 250 or 220 or even 200. If I lost 100 pounds, then I would have truly accomplished something incredible. I've been drifting downward lately. And, frankly, I was worried that I would actually meet my goal.
Today, though, I hit it. We were traveling yesterday, which was my usual four week check-in day. So this morning I had to weigh at my in-laws' house. I hate using different scales because they all seem to weigh in their own unique style. So when the scale popped up "254.6" I was dubious. I got off and walked around and then got on again. "254.6" I went out and asked my mother-in-law how accurate her scale was. I had used it once before and it was pretty close to ours. She said it was comparable to her doctor's scale. I was still nervous. It wasn't just 100 pounds that it hit; it actually was 101 pounds. Heather and her mom tried to convince me that it was probably right. I couldn't believe it because that meant that I had dropped over five pounds in the last four weeks.
Five pounds?!? Over the holidays? While driving 800 miles in the last five days? That doesn't compute. Sure, I'm not eating holiday goodies. But I have been having the occasional latte. However, one thing I have learned over this process is to not try to figure out the weight loss. It comes in spurts. It stops and starts. No rhyme or reason. So I figured that even if the scale was off by a pound - or even a pound and a half - it would still be 100 pounds.
I'm not gonna lie to you, I threw my arms up in the air and was very very happy.
But, this is far from over. So, what's next? I reached my goal almost a month early (28 days to be exact). My game plan had been to hit 100 pounds on diet alone, if possible. Then I would add in exercise. So that is that next step. When we get back to Tallahassee at the first of the year, I will start walking and using the Wii Fit again. I'll see how that goes and if I can find a way to work more stuff into my tight schedule. People have asked what my ultimate goal is. I don't really know. The only number I had in my head was 100 pounds. I am going to go as far as I can take this. My diet is set. I am not going to make small alterations just to drop a pound or two. I am very comfortable with how I am eating. It is easy to maintain and it is pretty healthy. So now I will see how much I can drop by adding in exercise. The number floating around in my head is 220. If I can drop another 30 pounds in the next year, I would be happy. If I could hit 200, I would be ecstatic. I know the BMI charts say 180 is ideal - but I am not going to be ultra-restrictive and regimented to get there. Today, though, is a day for celebrating. 100 pounds. Thank you God.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Nothing for Thanksgiving
I watched a lot of football this past Thanksgiving weekend. A LOT of football. One of the things about football is that while you may see the big highlights on ESPN, there are dozens of small plays that really determine the outcome of the game. It may be a dive over tackle on a third and one that keeps the play going. It could be a receiver stretching out for an extra yard. Or a linebacker stopping a running back from going out of bounds - keeping the clock running. The games are usually won and lost on those small plays. The big ones may get the attention. But the small ones make the difference.
I was stressing a bit about Thanksgiving. It is probably the worst four or five days of the year for dieters. Sure, there are bad individual days out there. But Thanksgiving has basically become a holiday about eating. And it lasts the whole weekend. Thursday is the big day to stuff yourself. But the leftovers last all weekend. Pies hang around to be snarfed. Everyone's reheating all the stuff you aren't supposed to eat. So it is a ton of consistent fighting off trouble.
When I weighed last Monday, I was 260.2. That marked 95 pounds and put me within shooting distance of hitting 100 by my one year mark. Today, after all the holidays, travelling, overeating, I weighed 260.2. I actually raised my arms to the ceiling and cheered. It was one of those small plays that won't make the highlight reel. But it was huge to me. I managed to make it through the whole weekend and not gain anything. Even with all the travelling - which usually makes me retain water - and eating out on the road yesterday, I was still the same.
That was a massive victory for me. I didn't sit there all weekend and refuse to eat anything. I ate quite well. We grilled chicken and sausages on Wednesday with baked beans, peppers, roasted sweet potatoes, and roasted regular potatoes. We had pumpkin oatmeal for breakfast. Thursday, I had ham, turkey, pumpkin risotto, cranberry conserve, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole. We had grilled food again on Friday. I had leftovers here and there. Saturday I had a Mexican rice bowl I made with guacamole, chicken, steak, beans, salsa, and rice. We even ate at McAllister's Deli - twice. In short, I ate more than my share of good yummy stuff.
I had to forego some stuff. I avoided the mashed potatoes, corn casserole, dressing, chips, pizza, pies, cookies, cheeseburgers, more pies, and cheese that other people ate. And I had frozen yogurt when everyone else was diving into baked goods. But I really enjoyed myself. And I gained nothing. Plus zero, minus zero. But it felt like a major win. It certainly gives me hope for the month of December and the mine field it presents. And it also gives me more encouragement to work hard these next three weeks before the madness really begins. I figure I could really make some progress in that time. If I was able to make it through Thanksgiving without any damage, I am sure the next three weeks at home should be easier to maintain.
On other thing. I posted this on Facebook the other day, but I'll put it here too. This picture was taken last Thanksgiving at our family get together.
When I found that, I could hardly believe it. How did I let myself get to that point? What I posted on Facebook is true. Every year at Thanksgiving, I thank God for my family, friends, and freedom. But this year, I am the most thankful that I finally allowed God to free me of being the guy in that chair.
I was stressing a bit about Thanksgiving. It is probably the worst four or five days of the year for dieters. Sure, there are bad individual days out there. But Thanksgiving has basically become a holiday about eating. And it lasts the whole weekend. Thursday is the big day to stuff yourself. But the leftovers last all weekend. Pies hang around to be snarfed. Everyone's reheating all the stuff you aren't supposed to eat. So it is a ton of consistent fighting off trouble.
When I weighed last Monday, I was 260.2. That marked 95 pounds and put me within shooting distance of hitting 100 by my one year mark. Today, after all the holidays, travelling, overeating, I weighed 260.2. I actually raised my arms to the ceiling and cheered. It was one of those small plays that won't make the highlight reel. But it was huge to me. I managed to make it through the whole weekend and not gain anything. Even with all the travelling - which usually makes me retain water - and eating out on the road yesterday, I was still the same.
That was a massive victory for me. I didn't sit there all weekend and refuse to eat anything. I ate quite well. We grilled chicken and sausages on Wednesday with baked beans, peppers, roasted sweet potatoes, and roasted regular potatoes. We had pumpkin oatmeal for breakfast. Thursday, I had ham, turkey, pumpkin risotto, cranberry conserve, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole. We had grilled food again on Friday. I had leftovers here and there. Saturday I had a Mexican rice bowl I made with guacamole, chicken, steak, beans, salsa, and rice. We even ate at McAllister's Deli - twice. In short, I ate more than my share of good yummy stuff.
I had to forego some stuff. I avoided the mashed potatoes, corn casserole, dressing, chips, pizza, pies, cookies, cheeseburgers, more pies, and cheese that other people ate. And I had frozen yogurt when everyone else was diving into baked goods. But I really enjoyed myself. And I gained nothing. Plus zero, minus zero. But it felt like a major win. It certainly gives me hope for the month of December and the mine field it presents. And it also gives me more encouragement to work hard these next three weeks before the madness really begins. I figure I could really make some progress in that time. If I was able to make it through Thanksgiving without any damage, I am sure the next three weeks at home should be easier to maintain.
On other thing. I posted this on Facebook the other day, but I'll put it here too. This picture was taken last Thanksgiving at our family get together.
When I found that, I could hardly believe it. How did I let myself get to that point? What I posted on Facebook is true. Every year at Thanksgiving, I thank God for my family, friends, and freedom. But this year, I am the most thankful that I finally allowed God to free me of being the guy in that chair.
Monday, November 22, 2010
WEEK 44: Prepping for the Gauntlet
First, the dirty details. I am at 260.2 pounds. That is about a 2.5 pound drop from last checkin. Of course, that all happened in the last week. For most of this cycle, I actually had been up a couple pounds. Friday was the first drop I saw, and then it went down a little on Monday as well. I just bought a few warmer shirts for the winter. I was very comfortably in XLT shirts. If I don't have the tall option, XXL works - but the length is hit or miss. I went to American Eagle the other day just to see what happened. There were several clearance XXL shirts that I loved. They fit great - when I was standing. But they spread when I sat. And they were a little too short. This is the problem with stores like Gap, Old Navy, AE, A&F. They use a smaller sizing system than they used to - and smaller than other companies. A XXL at Old Navy may be equal to a XL at Sears. Kind of frustrating. That usually means I'm still stuck in the Big and Tall section and their limited options. Oh well, I can't get shorter.
We have a night wedding this December to go to. Since it is customary to dress nicer for those, I tried on my suit. This is the same suit that I had to get altered to be able to wear it to Heather's gala in April. It was ridiculous. The shirt was billowing. I had to pull the pants up to my chest to have them stay up. The jacket wasn't bad, but you could tell it was too big. I had lost like 45 pounds since April! So I'm not sure what to do about that. I don't know if it can get taken in as much as it needs. If not, I may have to find a suit deal. And then hope it still fits come April for this year's gala.
So far, the grand total is 95 pounds. I really have wanted to lose 100 by the end of the year, but I'm not sure if that will happen or not. At the rate I've been losing, five pounds in six weeks is a pretty tall order. I haven't seen that kind of drop in months. Technically, I don't hit the one year mark until January 18. So if I don't hit 255 by December 31, if I can do it by January 18 I will be happy. I really believe that this is the worst time of year to try to lose weight. It is like a perfect storm of diet crushing. There is travel, staying at other people's houses, losing your safe routine of foods and restaurants, baked goods, holiday feasts. It is a real challenge.
For me, this is my favorite time of year. All year I look forward to Thanksgiving week through New Year's. It just makes me happy. I love seeing family, getting presents, eating holiday food, getting presents, the cooler weather, getting presents, the general feeling and excitement of the season, getting presents, and - of course - getting presents. The food is a very big part of the holiday. Shoot, in America we almost define these holidays by what is served. Thanksgiving has become Turkey Day. There's the Christmas Ham or Roast Beast and Christmas Cookies. New Year's comes with copious alcohol and buffet spreads - or more ham.
I loved this in year's past. It seemed like all my favorite foods were located in this season. Pumpkin stuff, pies galore, turkey, cranberries, ham, cookies, holiday breads, pecan pickups, sour cream cookies, chocolate cool whip cookies, shortbread. Snacking was accepted. No one got on your case when you wander through the kitchen and snag a couple cookies. In fact, if you didn't eat those things, people wondered what was wrong with you. What other time of year is is perfectly acceptable to give people a plate of food as a present?!? I remember working at churches and the staff area was always jammed with snacks the entire month of December. As a teacher, I would get a ton of baked goods. And then there are the Christmas parties. We haven't been to those since we moved, but before that it seemed there were several each year. Those were just a green light to snarf snacks of all kinds. It was awesome. Food and holidays go hand in hand.
This year, I now stand at a kind of gauntlet. I have made it through ten months. So far, every holiday or celebration I was worried about has been conquered. I've survived traveling, cookouts, birthdays, Halloween, Easter. And I haven't cheated with any of my no-no foods. The next six weeks is going to be the biggest challenge. I don't think that I will cheat - I have too much invested in this. It is just going to be hard to watch and know what I'm missing. I don't think the cheating is the question. It is the mental struggle.
For example, at our house Friday night is often pizza night. We either get pizza or make it and watch tv. It is a nice little ritual. But I haven't been able to participate for ten months. Usually it isn't a big deal. There is no way I am eating the pizza. But there are times when it is very very hard. I have to go get the pizza or prepare it. Then I have to cut it and dole it out. And the whole time I can't have it. I have to smell it, touch it, watch people eat it. And then I go to my bowl of leftover beans and rice and whatever meat wandered into it. It isn't easy. People don't remember that.
That's what I'm worried about for the holidays. We have Thanksgiving, a wedding in South Carolina, Heather's birthday, Natalie's birthday, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day. All of those bring with it their own collection of problem foods. But then there is also the constant presence of the holiday accessories. Usually if I am facing a tough challenge, once it is over I can just move on. With this, it doesn't end. It is just a continuing string of those days. I know it isn't possible to expect everyone else to forego their holiday celebrations because of me. So I am going to have to steel myself.
Josiah will come up to me on pizza night or at the movies and ask me if I am sad that I can't have the food or the candy or soda. I will usually respond with this. "For most of my life I never told myself no. I enjoyed those things enough in my first 36 years to last me the rest of my life." That goes for holidays too. I have had more than my share of good times on those days. I have eaten pies, cookies, candies, sausage balls, mashed potatoes, and holiday bread enough to last a lifetime. Now is the time to do it right - to be controlled. Yes, it is hard missing out on things. But I never did before - I never said no. It is time I learned that.
Be praying for me this holiday season - and for all those people close to you with weight problems. Understand just how hard it is for them. Every tray of baked goods that comes into the office, every party, every gift exchange. They all are stressful. Each one comes with the battle. Each time they give in they get crushed with guilt and shame and anger. And that just makes the process worse later. I know it is impossible to change the holiday. People are not going to go for a celery swap any time soon. But maybe you can be an encouragement to those people who struggle during this season. Be sensitive to them and find a way to include them - without making it super obvious. "HEY FATTY! I brought salad for you!!!" Not what I meant. Just be thoughtful. And if you don't struggle, well there is something else to be thankful for on Thursday.
We have a night wedding this December to go to. Since it is customary to dress nicer for those, I tried on my suit. This is the same suit that I had to get altered to be able to wear it to Heather's gala in April. It was ridiculous. The shirt was billowing. I had to pull the pants up to my chest to have them stay up. The jacket wasn't bad, but you could tell it was too big. I had lost like 45 pounds since April! So I'm not sure what to do about that. I don't know if it can get taken in as much as it needs. If not, I may have to find a suit deal. And then hope it still fits come April for this year's gala.
So far, the grand total is 95 pounds. I really have wanted to lose 100 by the end of the year, but I'm not sure if that will happen or not. At the rate I've been losing, five pounds in six weeks is a pretty tall order. I haven't seen that kind of drop in months. Technically, I don't hit the one year mark until January 18. So if I don't hit 255 by December 31, if I can do it by January 18 I will be happy. I really believe that this is the worst time of year to try to lose weight. It is like a perfect storm of diet crushing. There is travel, staying at other people's houses, losing your safe routine of foods and restaurants, baked goods, holiday feasts. It is a real challenge.
For me, this is my favorite time of year. All year I look forward to Thanksgiving week through New Year's. It just makes me happy. I love seeing family, getting presents, eating holiday food, getting presents, the cooler weather, getting presents, the general feeling and excitement of the season, getting presents, and - of course - getting presents. The food is a very big part of the holiday. Shoot, in America we almost define these holidays by what is served. Thanksgiving has become Turkey Day. There's the Christmas Ham or Roast Beast and Christmas Cookies. New Year's comes with copious alcohol and buffet spreads - or more ham.
I loved this in year's past. It seemed like all my favorite foods were located in this season. Pumpkin stuff, pies galore, turkey, cranberries, ham, cookies, holiday breads, pecan pickups, sour cream cookies, chocolate cool whip cookies, shortbread. Snacking was accepted. No one got on your case when you wander through the kitchen and snag a couple cookies. In fact, if you didn't eat those things, people wondered what was wrong with you. What other time of year is is perfectly acceptable to give people a plate of food as a present?!? I remember working at churches and the staff area was always jammed with snacks the entire month of December. As a teacher, I would get a ton of baked goods. And then there are the Christmas parties. We haven't been to those since we moved, but before that it seemed there were several each year. Those were just a green light to snarf snacks of all kinds. It was awesome. Food and holidays go hand in hand.
This year, I now stand at a kind of gauntlet. I have made it through ten months. So far, every holiday or celebration I was worried about has been conquered. I've survived traveling, cookouts, birthdays, Halloween, Easter. And I haven't cheated with any of my no-no foods. The next six weeks is going to be the biggest challenge. I don't think that I will cheat - I have too much invested in this. It is just going to be hard to watch and know what I'm missing. I don't think the cheating is the question. It is the mental struggle.
For example, at our house Friday night is often pizza night. We either get pizza or make it and watch tv. It is a nice little ritual. But I haven't been able to participate for ten months. Usually it isn't a big deal. There is no way I am eating the pizza. But there are times when it is very very hard. I have to go get the pizza or prepare it. Then I have to cut it and dole it out. And the whole time I can't have it. I have to smell it, touch it, watch people eat it. And then I go to my bowl of leftover beans and rice and whatever meat wandered into it. It isn't easy. People don't remember that.
That's what I'm worried about for the holidays. We have Thanksgiving, a wedding in South Carolina, Heather's birthday, Natalie's birthday, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day. All of those bring with it their own collection of problem foods. But then there is also the constant presence of the holiday accessories. Usually if I am facing a tough challenge, once it is over I can just move on. With this, it doesn't end. It is just a continuing string of those days. I know it isn't possible to expect everyone else to forego their holiday celebrations because of me. So I am going to have to steel myself.
Josiah will come up to me on pizza night or at the movies and ask me if I am sad that I can't have the food or the candy or soda. I will usually respond with this. "For most of my life I never told myself no. I enjoyed those things enough in my first 36 years to last me the rest of my life." That goes for holidays too. I have had more than my share of good times on those days. I have eaten pies, cookies, candies, sausage balls, mashed potatoes, and holiday bread enough to last a lifetime. Now is the time to do it right - to be controlled. Yes, it is hard missing out on things. But I never did before - I never said no. It is time I learned that.
Be praying for me this holiday season - and for all those people close to you with weight problems. Understand just how hard it is for them. Every tray of baked goods that comes into the office, every party, every gift exchange. They all are stressful. Each one comes with the battle. Each time they give in they get crushed with guilt and shame and anger. And that just makes the process worse later. I know it is impossible to change the holiday. People are not going to go for a celery swap any time soon. But maybe you can be an encouragement to those people who struggle during this season. Be sensitive to them and find a way to include them - without making it super obvious. "HEY FATTY! I brought salad for you!!!" Not what I meant. Just be thoughtful. And if you don't struggle, well there is something else to be thankful for on Thursday.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Twinkie Diet
Now, due to the bizarre nature of the trial, it has gained a lot of attention. And, with that, there is going to be more ammunition for people who are struggling with weight to show they aren't doing anything wrong. It also will probably lead to numerous misguided efforts by people desperate to lose weight. There are some important lessons to be learned from this experiment - and none of them are "go eat twinkies."
First of all, look at what he ate. He had a very limited caloric content. He took vitamins. He also ate cans of green beans. Basically, he eliminated meat and bread and put snack foods in the place of those foods. Instead of having chicken, rice, and veggies, his dinner would be twinkie, brownie, and veggies. So, this wasn't eating meals PLUS twinkies. Twinkies were his meals.
Second, the thing he was trying to prove was that in losing weight, it is a matter of controlling calories more than what you eat. This is entirely true. From all of my years of efforts to lose weight, I can verify that calorie control can definitely make you lose weight. On Weight Watchers, I was able to lose fifty pounds in four months due to being very regimented on their point system. I rarely went over my allotted calories. I was very restrictive with things like breakfast (grits or oatmeal) and snacks (fruit). That way I could be a little flexible with lunch and dinner. By flexible, I mean that I still found ways to eat pizza, cheeseburgers, cookies. You could work those into the structure. So, on the surface that theory is sound - limit calories and lose weight.
BUT!!! (You knew it was coming.) For me, and I would wager for most people, that did nothing to break the addictions that were actually behind my struggles. There were certain foods that I couldn't say no to. And as long as I could still find ways to have those foods, I never would really have victory. If there was still a way to work those things into my diet, I found a way. With Weight Watchers, for example, I would have my grits in the morning (4 points), a banana for snack (2 points), and then a salad for lunch (5-7 points). That would leave me 24 points for dinner. That approximately is 1200 calories for dinner! You can get away with a lot for 1200 calories. Double cheeseburgers. Soda. Pizza. Was I really learning to eat right? Or was I just learning how to rig the system. For me, I couldn't maintain the loss. That is why we see so many people yo-yo on diets like Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers. They market themselves as "able to eat whatever you want" diets. So you never learn to break dependence on those foods.
Who would be attracted to the concept of a Twinkie Diet? Probably someone who has a strong affinity to sweets and baked goods. Would that person really be successful in this? Sure, they may lose weight like Professor Haub did. They may even keep it up for months. But, I think at some point they would tire of eating Ding Dongs and want other food. And that is where Haub's diet has a big problem. If you were to try to add in even healthy food, you go over your limits. The whole thought of "I think I'll have an apple - that's healthy" would actually hurt you. The calories in fruit would throw you off. Not good.
The third thing to learn - which I think is a valuable lesson - is that there is indeed freedom in how you attack your weight issues. I know that my approach is something that would not work for everyone. And there are people who don't think I'm doing things right. "BBQ? That's not healthy! Frozen yogurt? That's just splitting hairs about ice cream." But, for me, I have lost 93 pounds. More importantly, I have maintained the loss and the lifestyle for ten months. Why? I have eliminated the addictive foods. I'm not trying to figure out how to work those things back in. I found better options and use those. I'm not measuring and religiously monitoring calories. But, by the very elimination of those fatty, starchy, high calorie foods that used to make up the bulk of my diet, I have greatly reduced my caloric intake. For months, I was only taking in 1200-1400 calories a day. Now, I usually am taking in about 1800 calories.
I think that what Haub was trying to prove is that you don't have to just eat lettuce and boiled chicken to lose weight. The true issue is control. Can you be controlled in your food intake? Haub was controlled - very regimented on his exact daily diet. He just happened to use junk food as his controlled food options. The problem is that the media is going to seize onto the sensational elements of the experiment. The headline is always "Man loses 27 pounds on twinkie diet." That gets you to click on the article (I did). I'm afraid that some people are actually going to try this and get into worse trouble. Instead of finding the control they need, they are actually going to further unleash their addictions. Unless they just get nauseated by sheer quantity of Twinkies. Maybe it could be like immersion therapy.
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