Routine Maintenance

Well, it's been over a month since I have posted anything on this site.  To those of you who have been following this journey, that may have been worrisome for you - thinking that I had derailed and one day would be found passed out in a gutter covered with cheeseburger wrappers.  The good news is that everything is fine.  I have been plugging right along.  Today I got on the scale for the first time in three weeks and I weighed 253.8 - a pound more than the lowest I've been through all of this.  So, things are fine.

The truth is, I've kind of been experimenting with what would happen if I just went about living my life without thinking about this whole thing all the time.  For the past year, the thought of losing weight and controlling food has been near the front of my mind just about every day.  After losing the 100 pounds, my body plateaued.  It is obvious that I won't lose any more weight without either A) cutting my already restrictive diet even more or B) exercising.  I refuse to do the first choice.  The point of all of this was not to create a torturous and unpleasant set of rules to live by.  I was trying to free myself.  So, I am going to have to resort to exercise - something I loathe and still haven't gotten the drive to do yet.  Now that we are emerging from the frigid winter (for Florida), I will probably start.

But, it has been interesting these past two months to see what happens if I try to just live my life with this new set of guidelines.  The truth is, it has been very pleasant.  Sure, there are times where the pinch of my "outlawed foods" makes me miss something.  I still hate having to have cook and serve pizza for the kids.  It is just too tempting.  And I have been craving a burger for about two weeks now.  But, overall, what I have constructed is a very workable way of life for me.  And it is apparently working for my body.  For two months now I have weighed exactly the same.  So, I guess I have found that balance between calories taken and burned.

In doing this, I have loosened some of the restraints to see what happens.  So far, nothing bad has come of it.  Here are some examples of that.

• I have never liked Chinese food.  It is just one of those things that never clicked with me - probably because it didn't have cheese or bread.  Now, though, I have found myself utilizing it in its different forms - Chinese take out, Sarku at the Mall, Cajun Cafe (which is just glorified Chinese food).  And, when I get Chinese food, I usually will get an egg roll.  Yes, it is fried.  But as I looked at it, I realized I never was "addicted" to egg rolls.  So one those rare instances when I get Chinese food, I'll get an egg roll.
• The fried food embargo has not been completely lifted.  Things like chicken tenders, fish sticks, french fries, cheese sticks are still banned.  But I do get non-breaded wings sometimes - mostly at places where that is the only option for me.  And, if we are at a place where fried pickles or onion rings are sold, I usually will get those.  My logic on that is that those experiences are maybe once a month, they have some sort of veggie associated with them, and that it will be hard to start an addiction with something that hard to find.  (The only have fried pickles at two restaurants in Tallahassee, that I know of - Zaxby's and Buffalo Wild Wings.  So I'm pretty safe.)
• We got a free box of truffles at Earth Fare last month.  There were about thirty small truffles in the box.  I never have been a chocolate fanatic like my mom or youngest son.  I like it, but it is far from an uncontrollable food for me.  But I do like truffles.  I have allowed myself to have one truffle a day.  This has worked, since there still are some in the box and it's been three weeks now.  Restraint is the key - something that I have finally learned to some extent.  Chocolate is still on the watch list, but it is not forbidden.  Sometimes there are chocolate chunks in my frozen yogurt.  At the movies (which are very rare), I may get chocolate raisins.  So, it is a controlled relationship.
• Another food I always hated and now love is guacamole.  I actually have found lots of dips that are great for me - salsa, black bean dip, greek yogurt veggie dip.  The problem is finding something to dip into those things.  I have wrestled with this for a while.  I liked chips.  But it was not normal for me to annihilate a whole bag at a sitting.  I remember growing up, my brother would open a bag of Doritos and just inhale the whole thing watching a game.  My Munchos would sit in the cupboard, slowly decreasing for weeks.  But chips are dangerous.  I finally loosened up a little with some restrictions.  At Mexican places, I will allow myself some tortilla chips with the salsa or guac.  At home, I have found Rice Works chips - made from brown rice.  They are awesome and go great with guacamole.  For the Super Bowl party, I had those with Heather's homemade guac.  Yum.

I still only drink water.  During the day, I snack on fruit (bananas and apples, mostly) and nuts.  Sometimes I'll have dried fruit or yogurt covered dried fruit.  For lunch, I usually have leftovers or some kind of meat, bean, rice mixture I have in the fridge.  Breakfast is still just yogurt - although once a week or so I'll toss in some granola for fun.  And I end my day with frozen yogurt.  The structure and routine is important.  And if I don't have an option, I still will decide to eat nothing over cheating.  This happened the other day when we went to Subway for lunch.  Natalie and Heather like Subway and had been missing it.  So we went and I ate later.  At home, if I don't have any meal options, I'll eat another yogurt.  Those are my emergency options.  

[Side Note - if you want to make a really good yogurt dish, get a Chobani lemon yogurt, a Fage Blueberry yogurt, and a handful of granola.  Mix it all together.  It has like 23 grams of protein and around 300 calories.  Really carries you over for even dinner.]

So, all told, I am maintaining and living.  I will never say the food issues are conquered.  If I was to go eat a donut right now, I have no clue if I could stop.  So, those things are going to be off limits for a long time.  I just can't risk it.  But I feel confident that I can keep this approach to food going.  I am happy and enjoying it.  I feel good about how I look.  I regularly wear XLT shirts now - and some of those are big. I even was able to button some LT shirts, but they would spread open too much if I tried to sit down.  So, if I don't post often, it isn't because I failed or am ashamed.  There just isn't a lot to say right now.  But, once the exercising starts, I'll be back on here again to document that struggle.  

One Year Update

I really can't believe that it has been a whole year.  Last MLK weekend, for some reason, things finally clicked and decided to do something about my weight and food issues.  It has been a long journey.  It has not been easy.  But, quite honestly, it has been a lot easier and quick than I thought.  First, let me throw up the numbers that I know everyone thirsts for.

2010
355 pounds
4XLT Shirts
50" waist
Hole 1 of bigger belt

2011
255 pounds
XLT Shirts
38" waist
Hole 9 of smaller belt

Yes, things fluctuate all the time.  I was down to 253 about ten days ago.  Then I was back up 258 after traveling and driving all weekend.  But most of the last month I have been at 255.  The fluctuations are annoying - and one of those frustrations that have derailed me in the past.  (And they also are the most disheartening things with my friends who are working on their weight and food right now.)  You can do everything right and take in too much salt and then drift up a couple pounds right at weigh-in time.  Then, with no warning, you'll drop four pounds in a week.  Fluctuations stink.

But this post is not about complaining.  It is a celebration.  That is how I have viewed this past weekend.  On Friday night, we had our Tallahassee friends over for a Tex-Mex fiesta to celebrate the one year anniversary.  It felt appropriate.  Weight loss and dieting is such a solitary thing - most of the time.  That is how I had always approached it.  You are fighting alone, looking at all the fun everyone else is having.  This time, though, I did something different.  I involved my friends and family from the very beginning.  The first thing I did was send an email out to a core group of supporters to ask for prayer.  That email is one of the first posts on this blog.  Speaking of this blog, it was another way to bring supporters into the process.  I was journaling my journey - working through issues and struggles.  I also posted monthly updates on Facebook.  This brought accountability.  I wasn't alone.  That brought comfort, in the fact that I had people to turn to.  But it also kept me going, because I didn't want to have to admit to bunch of people I had binged on fried cheese.

There is no way I could have done this without all the people around me.  I can't even explain the feeling in knowing that fifty or sixty people were reading this blog after every Facebook update.  It made me feel good - like a jolt of energy to keep me on track.  Every email, blog comment, Facebook status comment was another push in the right direction.  Every time I saw someone who gushed about how good I looked, it just made me more driven.  Those things are so important to a person making a life change.  They need to know other people are proud of them and rooting for them.

It went beyond just edification.  My friends and family went overboard to make sure I succeeded.  "I want to make sure you have what you need to eat."  I heard that every time I was staying at someone's house.  Most people don't have Fage brand cherry Greek yogurt in their fridge.  My friends and family members do every time I'm in town.  The average family doesn't cook chicken breast at a kiddie birthday party.  They don't have frozen yogurt in their fridge or big jars of cashews in their cupboard.  My friends do.  My friends make two stops when picking up food - one at McDonalds or Chick-Fil-A and one at a BBQ place for me.  My friends and family forego going to Olive Garden and Carrabbas when I'm around.  They put up with Mexican food a lot.  And LOTS of BBQ.  They eat at Boston Market.  They ask before they bake things if I can handle it.  They make extra sides at dinners so there are things for me to eat.  For all those people who wonder how I did this - that's how.  I had an army of people making sure I didn't fail.  They didn't want to be the one that tripped me up.  And they saw it as them participating in it.  When I won, they won.  And THAT is something I never saw coming.  I was prepared to go through this alone and hungry.  And that never happened.  Even if I started to feel that way, my kids would say something about my diet or brag on me to their teacher and I remembered I was NOT alone.

People ask me all the time how I feel.  The biggest word I can use to describe how I feel now is FREE.  I am free from having to make bad choices.  I really understand freedom now.  It isn't being able to do whatever you want.  It is not having to do certain things.  I don't have to order cheeseburgers when I go to a restaurant.  I don't have to stick with the all-fried appetizer combo.  I don't have to drink soda to be satisfied.  I don't have to stop at McDonald's for breakfast.  This past weekend, we went to a party for a friend's little girl.  There was pizza and cupcakes and soda.  Yes, there was a twinge of disappointment.  But there was not even one split second that I considered partaking.  I looked at the food options and just knew that I would have to stop at Huey Magoo's on the way back to the hotel.  In years past - even in diets past - I would have taken the hit and tried to get past it later.  Not this time.  I didn't even think about it.  I was free.

I'm freer in my clothing choices.  I'm not limited to the three button colored short sleeve shirt any more.  I wear straight leg jeans instead of loose fit.  I buy shirts at Target instead of Casual Male.  I am free of those hateful beliefs about myself.  I see myself differently.  It is an unbelievable feeling.  As any American should know, freedom is an intoxicating feeling.  Actually, more Americans take it for granted.  The people who realize that are those who move here from a place where freedom is only a dream.  The same goes for someone who beats an addiction.  Only a former prisoner can truly appreciate being free.  I was that prisoner.  I was trapped in solitary confinement in a prison of my construction made of walls of donuts and pizza crust, with a moat of Mountain Dew.  Now I am free, surrounded by people who love me - and who will get to love me for a longer period of time, since I won't die from my stupid food choices.  And it is the greatest feeling in the world.  I wouldn't say Darth Fatso is dead yet.  But he is well on is way.  Thank you all for being there for me during this.

In My Sleevies

One of the more exciting and frustrating parts of this whole weight loss process is having to get new clothes.  On one hand, it is fun to get new clothes.  I don't know too many people who are down on that.  "Boo!  I want my old ratty clothes.  I don't want new stuff!"  Sure, my kids do that, but they are insane.  So the concept of "new clothes" is not the problem.  Neither is the exhilaration of trying on something in a size that used to be something you wore to recreate Chris Farley's "Fat guy in a little coat" scene from Tommy Boy and actually having it fit.  That rocks.

The frustrating thing is having to figure out the inconsistent stupid sizing methods at stores.  Why is there not a uniform sizing system?  Isn't this somewhere the government should step in?  I mean, there is a globally accepted system of weights and measures.  "A pound's a pound the world around."  Right?  Imagine the uproar if companies could decide what a cup or an ounce was.  One pound bag of flour is bigger than another.  Ridiculous.  Even worse - what if Starbucks decided their 12 ounce cup would be smaller than everyone else's.  UPROAR!!!  Clothes should be subject to this too.  I mean, they are measuring the amount of human that fits into the pants, right?   Unify that junk.

Old Navy is like the perfect example of this mind-bending sizing process.  I wear 38 inch waist, 30 inch inseam straight leg jeans there.  They fit perfect.  But, if I try to put on a 38/30 pair of cargo pants or khakis, they don't fit.  The employees there have told me it is because they have different factories making the different pants.  Uh, does that mean the different factories have different size tape measures?  That's no excuse.  But it isn't just their pants, either.  Their shirts are the worst.  Their 2XL shirts are probably the equivalent of a small XL somewhere else.  It is like everything there is sized down one letter.

Shirts are a big frustration to me.  Back in the day, when I was turning into a human Macy's Thanksgiving Day Balloon,  ("And now the Darth Fatso balloon is drifting down the boulevard.  The amazing thing, Al, is that this balloon is actually 10 percent LARGER than last year.")  I would just get whatever I could hide my body in.  And since I was usually shopping in Fat and Tall stores, the sleeves were rarely an issue.  The stores were used to seeing people with orangutan arms.  They accommodate that.  No such luck any longer.  I guess companies, as they move shirts sizes upward, also move sleeve lengths up.  Heather got me a 4XL long-sleeved UCF shirt two years ago for Christmas.  If I didn't pull the sleeves up, they would hang past my hands.  The same was true for my Apple Store long sleeve shirt - the sleeves hang to my fingertips.

When I ordered some 2XL long sleeve FSU Med School shirts a few months back, the sleeves are about two inches up my arm.  When I got measured at Men's Wearhouse in December, they reiterated the fact that I have longer arms than average for my size.  I guess I never really noticed because I was too busy worrying about the gigantic gut.  Now, though, I realize that my measurements lead to a nightmare of shopping.  My inseam is the same as my father-in-law's - who is six-seven inches shorter than me.  So I have very short legs.  I have a long torso, which means I have to get the next size up shirt - or always shop at a Big/Tall shop.  Case in point... At Target, I found some nice long sleeve flannel shirts.  (Always have been a sucker for plaid flannel shirts.  I think I was supposed to be a lumberjack.)  The 2XL shirts have a great sleeve length and are long enough, but they really are too wide.  I can button and wear the XL shirts, but they have the bare midriff look that is so hot right now.

So I have broad shoulders, a little bit of a stomach (still, yes), a very long torso, gorilla arms, normal waist, and tiny legs.  My measurements don't exactly make things easy.  But it certainly is compounded by the inconsistent sizes out there.  In the recent past, I have fit into an XLT vest, 2XL shirts, 2XLT shirts, and 3XL shirts (won't buy those, no way).  I also have fit into 38/30, 40/30, 42/30, and 46/30 pants.  Of course, as they say, it's a nice problem to have.  I just wish I knew what size I actually am.

Pumpkin Project

I have a dilemma.  I love pumpkin.  Fall and winter are my favorite seasons.  Part of it is because it is cooler.  Part is all the holidays.  But a big part is the flavors of those holidays.  Pumpkins, cranberries, mint, apple.  These are awesome things.  And I look forward to the time of year when these things are readily available.  Starbucks' pumpkin spice frappachinos and mochas.  Pumpkin muffins from Bagelheads or Perkins or Bob Evans or wherever.  I also love pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies from Target (try them, seriously).  And, possibly the greatest pumpkin inspired dish ever - the pumpkin cheesecake.  Cheesecake Factory's in incredible.  So is California Pizza Kitchen's.  I haven't had a bad one, honestly.  And, to make that even better, lots of ice cream manufacturers have come up with pumpkin pie cheesecake ice cream (Ben & Jerry's, Edy's, Publix).

So, can you see my problem?  There isn't a thing on that list that I can have any more.  I am crushed.  This is a worse blow than losing birthday cake or Super Bowl pizza or July 4 cheeseburgers.  I'm serious.  The very thought of having to go through the Fall without pumpkin flavored awesomeness is seriously bumming me out.  I don't want to look at this last stretch of the year with dread.  I want to finish the year strong, hit the 100 pound mark, and still have some pumpkin stuff.

So, this is where I am asking you - my faithful friends and readers - to help me out.  Can you help me come up with some pumpkin menu items that WILL work for me?  Feel free to put them in the comments section on this post.  I read all of those.  And then, as I experiment with them, I will post my results on this blog.  I'll even give you credit.

Here are some helpful guidelines.  First of all - here are some foods that I can't have involving pumpkin.  So don't post recipes for those.  It won't help.

• Pumpkin pie
• Pumpkin cookies
• Pumpkin bread
• Pumpkin cheesecake
• Pumpkin ravioli
• Pumpkin bagels
• Pumpkin mixed drinks
• Pumpkin ice cream

I have tried to do some rudimentary searches and have found some stuff that might be worth trying.  I found a pumpkin chili, stuffed pumpkin, pumpkin soup, and baked pumpkin.  Aarti - the next Food Network Star winner - also has a pumpkin oatmeal recipe that I want to try.  (Even though I'm avoiding oatmeal as a starch, I thought it could be a great breakfast on Thanksgiving.)  I want to try something like a pumpkin yogurt or yogurt dip or frozen yogurt.  If you have read this post, you should know my guidelines.  I appreciate your help.  This could be fun - and TASTY!