Lick The Salt

I have spent a lot of time analyzing food stuffs lately - trying to figure out the stranglehold that eating had on my life.  I know that I had a food addiction.  There were emotional attachments to food that were extremely unhealthy for me.  As a result, I developed typical addiction problems with certain foods - with my brain desiring those foods during tough times . . . or happy times . . . or sad times.

But there is another layer of food attachment that had nothing to do with the emotional issues that I faced.  And this attachment affects everyone.  I remember in the movie So I Married an Axe Murderer, when the dad started ripping into Colonel Sanders.

Stuart Mackenzie:  Oh, I hated the Colonel with is wee beady eyes, and that smug look on his face. "Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!"
Charlie Mackenzie: Dad, how can you hate "The Colonel"?
Stuart Mackenzie: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly!

We all laughed at that scene - and the concept of a restauranteur slipping an addictive chemical into their food is hilarious.  However, it is actually the truth.  Many of the foods we consume have a whole cocktail of chemicals in them - things that our taste buds become so accustomed to that when we don't have them, we actually think the food doesn't taste good.  This can be the ridonkulous amount of sugar crammed into a ton of foods.  It can be the caffeine that is most beverages.  There is also the artificial sweeteners, which are so sweet they actually make us crave sugar.  Perhaps the biggest addictive chemical, though, is salt.

I have noticed this over the last couple of months.  Salt has been used for millennia to flavor and preserve food.  It was how you got things to last past a few days.  However, with the massive reliance on prepackaged and fast food, companies have taken this to an extreme.  They have to make food that will last on a shelf or in a freezer or in a drive thru, so they dump a ton of salt - or similar chemicals - into the food.  Salt is a very powerful taste - it doesn't take much to overwhelm something.  It is very useful to highlight other flavors and bring out the true nature of some foods.  (Example: Chocolate Chip Cookies.  Salt plus chocolate makes chocolate better.  It's true.  Toll House are awesome because of the salt.)  However, it very easily can become too strong.

We have numbed our tongues for so long that we don't even realize it any more.  Things are so sweet now that we don't even realize what sweet is.  We know what sickeningly sweet is, and kind of accept that as sweet.  The same thing goes for salty.  We take in so much salt that we think things are normal - when they actually are loaded with salt.  And the weird thing about salt is that it doesn't just make us crave more salt - it also makes us crave more beverages too.  This is the reason that bars put out peanuts or pretzels or wasabi peanuts.  They are salty and make you want more to drink - to quench that thirst that salt brings.  So, you are getting triple hammered.  You want more salty foods, due to the thrill your tongue gets from the bold taste.  You get numb to salt, so you need more to generate a taste.  And then you consume too much to drink to offset the saltiness.

What got me really thinking about this was that today I took Gabers to Zaxby's for lunch.  We had been running errands all over the place all day and were hungry.  So we went there - I was hoping to find something there easier for me.  And I knew he could get chicken and fries easy.  They actually had several menu items I could have - or at least doctor them up to where I could have them.  I ended up getting some wings and fried pickles.  The wings were actually very good - and less offensive than my last try with them.  The sauce was still heavy, but it was a different style.  And the fried pickles were very good, but a little more greasy and breaded than the ones I had last week.  Gabe got a couple of tenders and some fries.  He was just picking at the chicken strips.  I kind of wondered if they were too spicy, so I took a bite of one.  The breading was actually kind of thin, and the chicken part was good.  A couple of minutes later, I took a bite of the other one - since Gabe wasn't eating them.  And then I stopped myself.

I was having this desire to eat the strips.  I even began justifying in my head how that wouldn't be too bad, since they weren't heavily breaded or anything.  I'm not addicted to chicken strips.  I love chicken, but that is a good thing.  But this was different than enjoying the food.  I felt like I HAD to have it.  There was this compulsion to eat the strips.  I haven't had that feeling for weeks.  And I didn't like it.  I tried to identify what it was that was triggering that reaction.  My mouth felt weird.  And then I realized that it that the chicken was very salty.  The blast of grease and chicken and seasoning had originally masked it.  But the salty feeling lingered.  And it was driving me right back to them.

Salt.  That is the secret ingredient.  I remember the one time I had KFC's atrocious Tender Grilled Pigeon.  The salt in it nearly knocked me over.  The other night I had some chili from Wendy's, and it seemed to have more salt in it than meat.  I've already recorded my feelings about most fast food chicken - coated in salty bouillon spread.  It becomes very frustrating to minimize salt intake.  Heather will sometimes get Healthy Choice frozen dinners - they are easy to cook on the fly at school.  But they are jammed with sodium.  Most places dissolve an entire salt lick in their soups.  It is kind of ridiculous.

Last night I made chili.  (Yes, again.  Don't judge me.)  This time, I tweaked my recipe.  I split the meat to half ground sirloin and half ground turkey.  I added a poblano pepper (definite winner there).  And then I made two switches that seemed minor.  First, I couldn't find the Chili Base I was using, so I just seasoned it my way with Emeril's Essence and Southwestern Essence and other stuff.  Second, I had roasted four cups of Roma tomatoes the other day and used those instead of the canned tomatoes.  The chili was completely different.  It tasted lighter and fresher.  Part of the lightness was the turkey.  But the freshness was undeniable.  It was due to the pepper, somewhat.  But a lot of it was the lack of salt in the tomatoes and seasoning.  I had no idea, but the salt was giving my chili a kind of prepackaged taste to it. By reducing the overwhelming salt content, I actually made it taste better on several levels.  (I already don't add any salt to offset the sodium in the base, chicken stock, and seasoning.  This time, it really changed it.)

The thing about sodium is that it is really a scary thing in our bodies.  It isn't like most foods, that can just make us fat or whatever.  Salt will severely screw you up.  It messes with your fluid levels and the delicate balance in the body.  It raises blood pressure.  It can make you dehydrated.  It can make you retain water and actually gain weight.  That's pretty messed up.  I know that there have been times when I was driving a lot over a couple of days.  I would eat out a lot (tons of sodium) and not drink enough water.  By the end, I would feel horrible.  I was getting dehydrated and my digestive system wasn't working right.  All from salt content!

It is really interesting - and a testimony to how much I have changed - that I even think about this at all.  I remember back in years past, I would get angry when my mom would try to reduce our salt levels.  My dad's doctor had told him to reduce his intake, due to his blood pressure.  He, of course, didn't care.  But I would get just as angry as him.  Why?  Our food started to taste "bland."  It wasn't actually bland.  It was just that my taste buds were so accustomed to the salt that I hated it when it wasn't there.  That was how I used to view things.  But, now I really am starting to be concerned about the way that people close to me eat.  Jamie Oliver's new show "Food Revolution" on ABC is a good example.  It is trying to address the ridiculous eating habits in our country.  When I see commercials for it, my first reaction is to get furious that this arrogant punk dares to tell me what to do.  (That was my response to stuff like this for years like Supersize Me and Food Inc,)  But then I wonder why it bothers me, since I have started to do the same thing for myself.  It is hard to shake that mindset.  It is so ingrained in our culture and our food choices.  But we really have to get more aware of stuff like this.  I know I do.

Juice Fast - Day Six

Just a quick update beyond the pizza diatribe.  I finished day six of the juice fast.  Tomorrow I am going to begin the three day process of breaking the fast.  I get to eat . . . two apples!  Yay!  Apples!!!  Seriously, at this point I am absolutely thrilled to have a chance to eat an apple.  After days of just juice and water, the prospect of an apple is about as awesome as a giant Cheesesteak to me.

I had wondered how long the juice fast would go.  I had read about people doing a thirty day fast, and I was ready to do that.  I've read a lot about these fasts and have done them to some extent a couple times.  The sites all say that your body will tell you when it is time to stop.  Some say you should stop two days after having your last detox symptoms - which I haven't had for a couple days.  Others say that you will start to have an uncontrollable hunger when you can't go further.

I doubt I am at the furthest point I can go.  But I have felt really lousy for two days.  I am starving all the time, even after having my juice.  It doesn't matter how much I have, I still am hungry.  I even tried to change up the juices.  This morning I went so far as to drink what I can only describe as swamp water.  It was fruit juices spiked with juiced broccoli, spinach, grass.  And it was horrible.  I drank the whole thing.  The latter half of the day, I started to deal with actual stomach pain and cramping.  It was pretty unpleasant.  I am not doing this to torture myself.  It was done to jump start the permanent food changes I need to make.  It also was done to help me think through the causes and reasons behind my food problems.  I have been doing that and will continue to do so.  I am excited to begin the real changes.  And that is why I am going to break the fast and institute my new strict menu.

For the next three days, I will gradually re-introduce food.  That will be fruits and some veggies.  On Wednesday, if I feel up to it, I will start my new program.  I will explain that later, as it comes closer.

Juice Fast - Day Five

I'm bored.

I have hit the point where this is boring.  For those of you who have not done a lot of fasting, this is common, I suppose.  At least it has been for me.  The first few days have a lot of excitement - even if that is not positive excitement.  There are pains and tears and wanting to quit and weird things happening to your body.  Like outbreaks of hives, for example.  Or pooping yourself when you think you are just passing gas since your digestive system is so weird - uh, not that it has ever happened to me.  I just have heard . . . that can . . . happen to some people.  Moving on.  At the end of the fast, there is the overwhelming and painful crush of hunger, which is the signal to stop.  In between, you kind of hit that point where your body is getting used to what is going on.  It may not like it, but it isn't shocked any more.  That can go on for a while.  There is supposedly a point where euphoria kicks in and you start to feel superhuman.  That is what the online juice fast guides say.  Personally, I don't think I ever have had that period.

My stomach has started grumbling a LOT today.  That is weird, because it usually happens in days one and two.  Those days I had a gnawing hunger, but not a lot of grumbling.  Today, the old gut has been very vocal about its displeasure with the lack of grub.  I keep making myself drink the juice and water, trying to stave off the grumbling and complaining.  I probably need to switch up my juice choices soon.  Purple is getting boring quickly.  The biggest challenge with juice fast is coming up with juices when you don't own a juicer.  We have looked at juicers, but they are so stinking expensive.  I can't justify that.  There are four main classes of juicers, as I have determined them.

1. CITRUS JUICERS:  These are good for juicing citrus fruits.  Oranges, lemons, grapefruit, key limes.  On a juice diet, you are not supposed to do citrus fruits.  They are almost pure sugar.  And grapefruit can seriously mess you up on a juice fast - like it messes with medication and everything.  So this class is useless.
2. CHEAPO JUICERS:  These are the "too good to be true" juicers.  They cost around $50-100 and claim to do all kinds of stuff.  Hamilton Beach and Juice Tiger, for example.  But if you read the reviews, what they do best is break.  Sure, they work super for a couple of weeks.  But then they get tired of working hard on carrots and they start to malfunction.  Unfortunately, this is the class that most people are stuck going with because that's all they can afford.
3. UPSCALE JUICERS:  These are in the $200 range.  They are the kicked up version of the Cheapo class.  There are two kinds of juicers - centrifugal (uses spinning blades) and masticulating (grinding gears)  These are the best of the centrifugal class.  Breville is a big name in this.  They are fancier, have more pulp storage.  But they still all have the same problems, cheap or upscale.  They waste a lot of product and wear down easily.
4. PROFESSIONAL JUICERS:  If you go to a juice place, they have one of these.  They are the best and give you the freedom to juice anything.  It uses gears to grind the product, which wastes less and gives more nutrition.  They also take a lot longer.  And they cost a ton.  Green Star is a big name in this class.  They run from $450 to $860 on Amazon.  So, that ain't happening.

I have none of these juicers, so I must resort to buying juice.  Since we don't have an awesome organic store like Trader Joe's here (yeah, that's aimed at the South Carolina Crissingers), I don't have a lot of choices unless I want to pay an arm and a leg.  And, in this process, those are two body parts I don't want to part with.  They won't take a pound of flesh, which I have plenty of.  So this weekend I need to find a way to mix up the juice.

But, today, I am bored.  It is amazing how much time food takes up in your day - distracting you from the boring stuff.  Preparing food, eating food, cleaning up.  I still do all that for everyone else, but when it is just me and Gabe - the process doesn't take long.  How long does it take to toast a waffle or microwave a hot dog?  My food prep is insanely short.  "Get glass.  Put in ice.  Get juice.  Pour juice in cup.  Sigh loudly.  Drink."  Reading that instruction list takes longer than doing it.  I want something exciting to happen.  I'm not sure what I am wanting.

I guess some huge revelation that rocks me to my core.  Is that too much to ask?  This is suspiciously looking like another opportunity for me to learn patience, discipline, and self control.  I hate those.  Immediate gratification is so much easier.  I get onto my kids about their desire for that.  But I'm not a whole lot different.  I think that is actually at the heart of a lot of food issues.  We are down, so we eat.  We are happy, so we eat.  It gives us the immediate release of endorphins that we desire without having to wait and work through a normal process of emotions.  I want to feel better, I eat a cookie, I feel better.  Of course, that immediately is changed when I realize that cookie was way too small and now it is probably lonely, all alone in my stomach with just the Pepsi and pizza to keep it company.  So I invite a few of its friends to join him.  Soon, I'm in a sugared out bliss, the cookie tray is empty, the cookies - which weren't really lonely since they are just food - are busy adding to my ample fat stores, and I am shopping for a bigger shirt because my old ones "shrunk in the blasted dryer . . . AGAIN."

So maybe part of this process is learning to wait and be patient - to be content with what I have and control my desires.  I can't make this go any faster.  Sure, I can quit now.  But it isn't the right time.  I can't make my body break its addiction any faster.  I can't force God to give me revelation any faster.  I can't do much of anything except keep on drinking the juice, praying, reading God's Word, and doing my job.  And, of course, being careful when I pass gas.

SIDE NOTE:  In this process, two people are going to be essential to my success.  The first is Heather.  She is there to encourage me and extend me compassion on a daily basis.  Her medical training is also very useful.  I am very blessed to have such a wonderful wife to be there and invest so much in my well being.  The other person is Charles Wise.  We founded Defender Ministries five years ago this March.  I consider Charles one of the greatest blessings in my life.  I have gained so much from his friendship.  He is a licensed mental health counselor with a wealth of knowledge - including on dietary issues.  His advice is always greatly appreciated.  So when both Heather and Charles tell me to do something, I don't question it.  I just do it.  For example, this blog is up and running - which both of them suggested within two hours of each other.  Well, they also both told me to look at specific foods and try to see what the reason is for their hold on me.  So that is something else that will be incorporated in these updates.

Darth Fatso Unmasked

I promised that I would explain the name of the blog at some point.  And that time is now!  I know you all are super duper excited.  When the kids and I were playing Lego Star Wars for the Wii video game console, I decided to create a character.  This is one of the fun features - you can create a lego character and then use it in the game.  So I picked something that looked like me, gave it a light saber, and called it Darth Fatso.  It kind of stuck, so as I would create characters in the other Lego games (Indiana Jones, Batman), they were take on some derivation of the concept.

It was funny.  All in good fun.  It was how I always handled my weight issues.  I would joke about them and poke fun.  This has been going on for a loooong time now.  I guess a counselor type person would call it a coping mechanism - to joke about your insecurities and inadequacies.  I have just made it a habit.  When I teach at Defender events, my weight becomes an ongoing joke during the sessions.  It actually can be quite funny.  I had one bit that I did at the Baptist State Collegiate Conference during our Accountability session that broke everyone up, including me.

There is another game on the Wii called Wii Fit.  It comes with a balance board to do these exercises.  It is great and very useful to lots of people.  I went to try it and the system flashed up the message, "Maximum weight exceeded.  Please get off."  In reality it was humiliating.  I was mortified that I was too heavy to use a weight loss device.  But, naturally I played it for humor.  It went something like this.  "You know that people have discovered how to cheat at Wii Fit?  You can sit on the board and bounce and it simulates running.  What is the point of cheating at Wii Fit?  I mean, what benefit is there to that?  Me, on the other hand, I'm not allowed on the Wii Fit.  Seriously.  It told me so.  I got on and the machine actually said, 'You are too heavy.  Please get off.'  That's right.  I'm too fat to lose weight.  I am so big that I can't even use a weight loss device.  It asked, 'Are there two of you on there?  This isn't the livestock Wii Fit.'  Turns out I have to go to a doctor and get the industrial Wii Fit balance board.  It is made out of reinforced steel and can hold up to 1000 pounds.  It is also used by farmers with the game Wii Breed."

Typical joking for me.  The truth of the matter, though, is that I don't think it is funny at all.  I hate being fat.  I hate having to wear big guy clothes.  I hate having to identify myself as "the big guy with a beard" when telling people who to look for.  I hate having people look at me nervously on an airplane or at a buffet.  I don't like the fact that I have broken chairs, sofas, bookcases with my bulk.  And I guess I really believe that everyone around me is looking at me and going, "Man look at that enormous tub of good."  So I joke about it to diffuse the situation.

So that has created Darth Fatso.  In the Star Wars movies, when a Jedi goes over to the Dark Side to become a Sith, he becomes so immersed in that way of life that he basically dies and becomes a different character.  Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader.  When talking about Vader, Obi Wan Kenobi actually said, "Anakin Skywalker is dead. Darth Vader killed him."  The sith lord destroys what he used to be.  All that is left is Darth Whatsamadoodle.  In my case, Darth Fatso has existed for so long, that the man I was supposed to be has disappeared.  Part of my identity is that I am fat.  When I think of myself, I think of a fat guy.

I have convinced myself that I am okay with this.  I have said time and again that I am fine with being big, that it is just my cross to bear.  I have said that it was my thorn in the flesh, that helped keep me humble for years and years.  But the fact of the matter is that the Darth Fatso persona has shrouded the real me.  I know this to be true because of what happened last spring.  When I was working all those jobs (Apple, ICS, Waypoint, Defender), I was the happiest I ever had been.  I was living in the joy of the Lord.  Sure, I still thought about my weight.  I still felt embarrassed at needed bigger Apple shirts.  But, most of the time, I just let Christ flow through me.  It was so strange.  I felt great about myself, not because of how awesome I am (even though I am).  I felt great because of the Christ that lived in me.  I liked who I was when I let Him have free reign.  I ministered to those kids at the school, to my co-workers and customers at Apple, to our church members, to parents and students at Defender events.  I felt free in a lot of ways.

When I let God provide my identity, it was incredible.  I still would fall back on my jokes about my weight on a regular basis.  But the people around me actually looked pained to hear them.  They hated hearing me joke that way because they DID NOT SEE ME THAT WAY!  I was the one who saw me that way.  They saw me as something completely different.  My weight never mattered to them.  They loved me for who I really was.  I guess figuring that out gave me hope.  I thought that maybe, there was a chance for something else.

That is where the scary part comes in.  When Darth Fatso is dead, what happens next?  I honestly don't even know how to live free of food issues.  I have been a prisoner to food for as long as I can remember - literally my whole life.  What do I do?  I am a little scared - not enough to stop.  But I do wonder what it will be like.  The thing about this is, I am not doing this to get thin.  I have not even weighed in to start.  Weight loss will come as I get a handle on food.  Will I be thin?  Who knows.  Being overweight is not a sin.  There are lots of people who have metabolisms and bodies that make it nearly impossible to be svelte.  I really wonder if I will ever be "thin" by Southwest Airlines' standards.  My goal is to be free.  I want to identify myself as something different - something where God is free to operate without wading through my unhealthy affection for pizza and fried cheese.  The weight will take care of itself.

So that is why Darth Fatso must die.  He must die so that I can truly live, and so that Christ can live in me the way He wants to.  I posted the lyrics to Third Day's song Born Again on the right side of the blog.  I love this song and heard it this morning.  It really put into words what I am feeling about this effort - what I hope will happen.  I want to be born again as a man free to serve God without reservation.  I can't imagine how that will feel, but I can't wait to find out.

Juice Fast - Day Three

It is 3:00am. I am sitting here on the couch and listening to the storm outside. Pretty symbolic of what is going on with me today. I have woken up to a horrible outbreak of hives all over my body. They started last night on my arms and now my torso and legs have joined the party. I am trying not to scratch them, which is excruciating. My entire body itches. It took a supreme effort last night to be able to actually fall asleep. Now that I woke up, I am having a very hard time going back to sleep.

This is not my first fast. I have fasted numerous times in my life. Most of them were for spiritual reasons - a time of prayer and fasting. When I was working with the college group in Tampa, I actually fasted for 28 days. I only would drink juice for breakfast and lunch and then have bread or dinner. I even did a juice fast a few years back. In fact, it was the success of that particular one that led me to do this one. I wanted to start my attack on addiction with a juice fast - to clean my body out and provide a jolt to my system. I guess it was a way to tell my body that things were going to change - NOW.

Well, this fast is different than any other I have been on . It seems my body is actually fighting me. Today has been horrible. I woke up feeling nauseated. I haven't wanted to drink my juice or water. But I have been severely tempted to wolf down handfuls of peanuts or to steal Gabe's waffle. I have been battling torturous images of food all day, as well as an avalanche of depressing thoughts. And now, the hives to end the day.

Earlier today, Heather and I were trying to work out some issues with her Financial Aid. I was driving her around FSU to fill out forms and such. She needed to be able to eat lunch while were driving, and Gabe was hungry as well. So we stopped at McDonald's to get them some food. The smell of the food in the car was overwhelming. As I breathed in Heather's chicken sandwich, I actually started to cry. Now I have cried at some stupid stuff over the years. I cried at one a Wonder Pets episode the other day. One of the auditions last night on American Idol made me cry. But crying over a chicken sandwich? That I don't even like?

It seems like my body knows what is going on and is fighting me. I can really understand what Paul talks about - the struggle between the old self and new man. I feel the old food addicted self inside screaming and fighting. He wants food. I went to cook Heather's hamburger last night and suddenly found myself deluged by images of big juicy burgers from restaurants all over the place. It was ridiculous. I knew this would be hard, but the seriousness with which I approached this effort seems to have pushed things to a higher level.

I know that Satan is not happy with this. I'm sure he isn't sitting there going, "Yeah, sure. No problem. Let's get rid of a problem that has hampered you for thirty years. Good on ya, mate." He is going to fight dirty. I can already recognize his rotten sneaky methods. The hateful and accusing thoughts. The encouragements to give up and go eat something. The suggestions to hurt myself or worse. The lie that I am alone in this and just being stupid.

I also know that the hives are part of the process. As the fast begins, there is a detoxification process. This happened last time too (just not as extreme). You start to get nasty tastes in your mouth, your skin gets dry and feels scummy. My eyes burn as the toxins from my skin get into them. It is very common for hives to break out due to the toxicity of the chemicals seeping out of the skin. Doesn't make it itch any less, though. I knew this wouldn't be easy and that the old person I was wouldn't go quietly into the night. I need to persevere and keep it up. The increase in opposition and unpleasantness probably means it is working.

Well, I am going to try to go back to bed. The storms outside have subsided and the itching seems to have calmed down momentarily. Maybe I can actually drift off now. Three days down. Tomorrow is a new day (and it is coming fast).

Weighty Issue

Hello All -

I hope your new year is going well. I am writing all of you because I consider you to be both very important to me, and people of prayer and a pursuit for God. I know that I can be extremely wordy in my emails, but I ask you please to put up with it this time. It is important.

I have battled weight issues for my whole life. As I have often said, it was easy to tell which baby pictures were of me. I was the one drawn with circles. I wore husky pants in elementary. I always have pulled at my shirt. Wearing corduroy pants was deemed a fire hazard. This is not news to anyone who knows me. I am overweight.

Over the last few months, I have really tried to have some sort of plan for changing things. I looked into attending Overeaters' Anonymous, but have had a horrible time trying to find a way to actually make it to a meeting. I have thought and thought about options and plans. I have run back through my efforts in the past and tried to identify what caused my inevitable failure. And the root of the matter is that I am a food addict. This also is not a surprise. I have an addictive personality, something that seems to be an inherited family trait. While my addictions have never manifested themselves in alcohol or drugs, they certainly have surfaced in other ways.

For most addicts, you just have to stop "cold turkey." For a food addict, cold turkey just makes you want to make a sub. You can't stop eating. But, I discovered a few years ago, that I can do something close. And I am going to try that again, but this time with more resolve and with something I didn't have last time. I am going to ask you, my dear friends and family, to help me through your prayers and cooperation.

For the next week or so, I am going to start the process with a juice fast of sorts. This is to serve as a jolt to my body and to cleanse some toxins. I did this a few years back, and it was very effective. Then, I am going to follow up by following a very simple and restrictive menu. I mean VERY restrictive. The point of this is to actually battle the foods I have trouble getting out of my life (soda, cheese, fried stuff, dessert). This will go on for a while - a month or so, two if needed. I am going to do this to actually attack it like an addiction - give myself the nutrients I need without feeding the addictive elements. (And, don't worry about me doing something stupid. Remember, I now live with a medical professional in training.)

At the same time, I will be praying a LOT for God to deliver me from this drag on my life. I will be reading and praying Scripture. I want to really deal with this as a sin issue as well (for the first time). It is my sincere hope that by mid-March I will have come to a place where I can begin following a realistic and healthy long-term approach to food. I will be in Orlando March 15-17 for a Defender event, and will spend some time with a counselor there who focuses on nutritional issues. She will help me come up with a diet I can live with from that point.

My request of you is twofold. First, please remember to pray for me. Even if it is at your standard mealtime, just offer up a prayer that I will have strength and deliverance. The second thing is I pray for your cooperation. Please don't offer me chances to fail. Many of you live far away, so that is not really an issue. But if we have a chance to spend time together, please be conscious that food will be a problem for me. And if we come to spend time with you, please allow me to follow my bizarre menu. I know that all of you will do that. I just need to say it. In times past, I have hoped for a friend to help me undermine myself. And they have usually unwittingly provided the chances to fail.

So, that is what I hope to do. I desperately want to get this under control. I want to be healthy. I want to live to see my kids grow up and get married and have kids. I want to be attractive to my wife. But, most importantly, I want to stop being defeated and controlled. I want to be able to stand up and give testimony to the power of God in breaking strongholds. Will you please help me? I love you all and thank you in advance.

for HIS glory,
Rev. David Staples